Maybe I Can with Debbie Weiss

Ep: 86: A Sprinkle of Adaptability with Debbie Weiss

• Debbie Weiss

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In this episode of "The Sprinkle Effect" podcast, we explore the transformative power of adaptability and how it allows us to thrive through life's unexpected changes.  We'll dive into practical strategies for building flexibility, including SWOT analysis, pros and cons lists, seeking advice from trusted individuals, and listening to your intuition. Learn how to reframe setbacks as valuable lessons and turn obstacles into opportunities for growth. By embracing a growth mindset and viewing failures as steps toward success, we can navigate challenges more effectively. Tune in to discover how to make adaptability a cornerstone of your journey, empowering you to keep moving forward and achieving your goal.

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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to Maybe I Can, exploring possibilities one sprinkle at a time. If you've ever found yourself asking is this all there is to life, then you're in the right place. I'm Debbie author, speaker, entrepreneur and coach, and every Tuesday I'm here to share a sprinkle of hope and inspiration. Together, we'll uncover the more More joy, more fulfillment, more prosperity, more fun. We'll share stories of transformation, actionable tips and that little nudge you need to take the next step. So let's embark on this journey of discovery and say maybe I can to a life filled with more, ready to find out. Let's get started. The Maybe I Can Show starts now. Well, good afternoon everyone.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Maybe I Can Podcast. I'm your host, debbie Weiss, and I appreciate you tuning in because I know you could be tuning in to a lot of other people and places. So I just want you to know. I really appreciate it. So today, our topic is a sprinkle of adaptability, and I have I want to say I was going to say had, but I have a whole plan in that I was going to do something a little bit different today and read you the chapter from my upcoming book, the Sprinkle Effect, entitled Sprinkle of Adaptability, and I think I'll still have enough time to do that. But being that adaptability is the topic, I decided that this is the perfect time for me to be a little adaptable and, hopefully, you to be a little adaptable and allow me to share a story with you, because it's heavy on my heart and you know, true confession time. I don't want to show up and be all smiles and be phony because, hey, that's just not who I am. Hopefully you know that by now.

Speaker 1:

So I've had a tough day today, and it all started about two weeks ago when I made a business decision to move forward, doing business with somebody, when I wasn't sure I had that nudge in my gut. Do you know what I'm talking about? Because your gut's telling you, your little radar is up, something doesn't seem right, something doesn't seem like this is the right fit, but what that person is telling you or selling you is something that you want with all your being to believe, because you've chatted with them, they know what your pain points are with them. They know what your pain points are and I'm not saying that this is premeditated, but it almost felt like it was you know. Here's your solutions. I have all these fabulous ideas. I can't wait to share them with you. Like, you know the whole song and dance.

Speaker 1:

And even when I got an email with the whole song and dance, even then I said to myself you know, this sounds too good to be true and or this sounds salesy, and I hate salesy because I want honesty, right, I'm sure that you do too. If you tell me this is the deal and this what you're going to offer me and this is how much it is, and you get what you get. Like, here it is. I'm laying it all out there. I'm good with that. That allows me to make an informed decision. But when you start promising me the moon and the stars, you know, come on.

Speaker 1:

And I knew that, I knew that, but I so desperately wanted to believe it was true. And it was kind of like, you know a low price introductory rate, you know something like that. And I was like, okay, come on. And long story short, weeks later this person has made appointments with me, offered me one excuse after the other, and you know, look, something comes up. Life happens. I'm totally cool with that. But four, five times in a row, with one ridiculous excuse after the other, kind of like the dog ate my homework time and time again, you know you start to not believe it made was that I have completed the manuscript, my book, my upcoming book, the Sprinkle Effect, and it's not a great practice to share it with people you don't know, or to not at least put some type of protection on that document when you're sharing it.

Speaker 1:

And after our first discussion and the person was, you know, I felt like she was hearing me and she was all excited with my concepts and I was all wrapped up at that and she was like well, maybe, if you want to share a little bit with me, I can read it and give you some feedback and it'll help me formulate the best strategy. Yada, yada. I was like, yeah, no problem, of course, of course I'll send you that, I'll send you the whole thing, and I did. Now, this might be a coincidence, because a lot of the things in my book you know, my ideas, my stories, my whole sprinkle theme is unique to me. But the concept of adaptability isn't unique. The concept of limiting beliefs isn't unique, right? All of those things aren't unique.

Speaker 1:

Well, it was very interesting because I happened to go on her Instagram and, by the way, this was another thing that got me. I was on her Instagram and she has like 14 or 15,000 followers and she's written two books and I've read them and they're, like you know, real deal books and so all of these things I felt legitimized her thinking, gosh, how could I feel off about this whole thing when she has all these you know ducks in a row in so many places that seem to make sense that she's legit, and I sent her the whole book and okay. So I go on her Instagram and she makes a reel of a topic that was kind of specific to what she and I had been discussing. Again, it wasn't about sprinkles and it wasn't my personal story and nothing like that and I thought I wonder if that's coincidence or I wonder if just me sharing my book with her gave her some ideas. And look, that's cool, we all borrow ideas from each other and it's how we each deliver them that kind of differentiates us. So that's okay.

Speaker 1:

But now I don't trust her and now I'm kicking myself One that I paid her the money. I have already gone to American Express and disputed the charge, but I'm also a little upset with myself that I didn't listen to my gut, because when it's too good to be true. It's unrealistic most of the time. And why do we not listen to that little voice inside of us? And the reason is because a lot of times it's not giving us the answer we want.

Speaker 1:

Right, it can happen in personal relationships I can specifically think about either friendships or love interests where you want it to be so, you want this person to be your person, but there's some kind of gnawing inside, and I think what usually happens I mean, it's pretty common, at least I think so, and it's happened to me before in love relationships where you want it to work so badly that you convince yourself that those whispers, those gnaws that you hear inside your gut, they must be wrong or they're nothing. And you know what happens years later. Right, it winds up to be something. Either it's cause for a lot of arguments, or cause for divorce or breakups or whatever, because we so desperately want that person. Or, in this case, it was also a person. Right? This was a business relationship. I wanted her to have the answers that I have been so desperately seeking, so that I gave in.

Speaker 1:

And so I this is about an hour ago was just so angry with myself, so concerned, fretting over the book. And what do I do? And do I get an attorney involved? And I just um went online and and filed a copyright application and, and you know all of that, now I'm kicking myself. So now I'm angry with myself, I'm a ball of anxiety which, I have to say, that has not felt that way for me in a long time. I used to walk around being a ball of anxiety and I have learned to kind of keep that in check. So I decided to do a five-minute meditation, which definitely, definitely helped me, and then I realized, okay, you know what, when something like this happens, it's a learning opportunity, and actually in this chapter, that if I have time, I'll at least start to read you on adaptability. That's one of the things.

Speaker 1:

So often we look at these failures as mistakes, as something to blame ourselves for. But it doesn't have to be that way. As a matter of fact, it shouldn't be that way. The only way it is that way is that if you don't use it moving forward right, I have to take what I've learned here and you can be sure that I will not make these same mistakes again, because if I do right, then it's shame on me. I am not really truly understanding the lessons and it's okay for me to be stressed or unhappy or all the things. It's okay to feel that way. But then I have to move on and say I have to learn from this experience and that's what I'm going to do.

Speaker 1:

So I have 15 minutes left. I am going to. I think that I'm going to be able to read the whole chapter to you in that 15 minutes. It's kind of a short one, but let me just tell you that, if I get this far, that at the end of each chapter in this book there are key takeaways, so three different key points that I really want you to get out of each chapter. So I will read that at the end.

Speaker 1:

And then, if we have time, I also have different activities, kind of like your homework right To really work with yourself on how to figure out how to bring a sprinkle of adaptability into your life. All right, here we go. Life never goes as planned. Just when you think you have everything figured out, something unexpected pops up and throws you off course. It might be a change at work, a personal challenge or something else entirely. These moments test our ability to adapt and keep moving forward. It might be a change at work, a personal challenge or something else entirely. These moments test our ability to adapt and keep moving forward.

Speaker 1:

Adaptability isn't simply about dealing with these bumps in the road. It's about thriving despite them. It's the skill that turns setbacks into opportunities for growth. Think about a time when, all of a sudden, your efforts no longer made sense or you didn't see a way forward. The old you and I'm adding this in who hasn't been listening to my podcast or read the first 10 chapters of the book would have thrown your hands up in the air and quit blaming the person or event that caused you to fail. However, that's not the you that's going to show up now. Nope, I just won't allow it.

Speaker 1:

Did Thomas Edison give up when his attempts at creating the light bulb failed? No, he did not. He treated each failure as a step towards his success. He famously said I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. He viewed his so-called failures as a lesson. Edison gained knowledge with each attempt, and the same holds true for you. Sometimes we are so locked into our goals and vision that it's very easy to be derailed when we see it in black and white. Either we succeed or not, unfortunately, or fortunately, however you see it, it doesn't work that way. We need to be flexible and adaptable. If we hit a roadblock, we need to either figure out a way around it or make a sharp right turn. It can be very discouraging and feel like you've wasted time, effort and money. When you find yourself in that situation, I want you to look at a lamp and think of Edison.

Speaker 1:

Back in 2021, I formed the Caregiver Support Squad, which had a mission to help family caregivers learn to prioritize their self-care. I was excited and went all in. I hired a business coach and paid several thousand dollars to build a website. I was on my way, taking action every day, some day less than others, but still making progress. The day finally arrived when I began to coach someone and get my business started. I was meeting with a fellow caregiver online to help them learn how to take care of themselves. I wasn't charging for my time, as this was a part of a certified caregiving consultant certification I was pursuing.

Speaker 1:

I prepared feverishly for our hour-long appointment, making sure I had all my resources handy. I dedicated the first 10 minutes to hearing their caregiving story, as my client shared. I listened intently and asked her questions, trying to understand the situation. Anytime I tried to steer the conversation towards her own care, she launched into a long explanation of why it wasn't possible. I kept hearing about her loved one's health problems, which led to money problems, which is often the case when a loved one is ill or disabled for an extended period of time. By the end of the conversation which actually lasted 85 minutes, not 60, I ended the meeting feeling defeated. All the things I thought we'd discuss and the tools I would share never happened. It's possible. The client found it helpful, because it always feels good to share your story and get things off your chest. However, there wasn't much discussion about self-care.

Speaker 1:

At that particular time in my life, I was in the midst of my own caregiving journey for my husband, who was suffering from a variety of unrelated physical and mental illnesses, prior to receiving a cancer diagnosis. Gary's depression was seeping into all aspects of my life and even when I attempted to compartmentalize my feelings, this discussion with another caregiver triggered my emotions. Prior to our appointment, I was hopeful and energized, but by the end I found myself feeling down. I told myself this could be an isolated incident and that I needed to try again. I organized a virtual small group, get together with a few caregivers, hoping this would lead to a better outcome. We all shared our stories and sympathized with one another, which was a lovely bonding experience.

Speaker 1:

But when I introduced the topic of self-care, the excuses started to fly. When pushed, a couple of women gave a specific example of what self-care activities they would try to incorporate into their lives, but it seemed to me an insincere attempt to pacify me. I could have been wrong, but when I followed up via email, the response rate was low. All of the air drained out of me like a balloon. I was a failure. I invested all this time and money into creating the caregiver support squad and it was a bust. I needed a few days to digest everything.

Speaker 1:

As I saw it, I had two choices. I could continue on this path, figuring out how to tweak what I was doing to see if it would lead to a better outcome, or I could put the caregiver support squad to rest. I chose option number two. I knew I hadn't even come close to giving it a fair chance, but I realized I didn't have the emotional capacity at this point in my life to take on other people's caregiving issues. I'm an empathetic person, so as I listen. I'm always trying to figure out a solution to their problems. I leave these conversations carrying the weight of their struggles as well as mine, and I was operating at maximum capacity For my own mental well-being. I had no choice. So now what? If I'm not going to help caregivers, what else can I do? Who else am I qualified to help? Shana, my coach took me through a series of exercises, helping me dig deep to figure out what I really wanted.

Speaker 1:

Simultaneously, I worked with Alex Street, who is a story coach. I know it sounds crazy, right, a story coach? What the heck is that? Well, you share your life story and he helps you make sense of it in a way that you can own what you've learned and use it to help others. Working with Alex brought so much clarity. He described my life in a way I had never thought of before. He explained how I had lived my life, being told I couldn't do something, either from others or myself. I lived my life that way until I turned 50, had the aha moment, and then changed my mindset to maybe I can. I was floored. I had never analyzed my life from that perspective. He was right. I hadn't given myself any credit for the fact that I had slowly changed my life since turning 50. Isn't it funny how so often it takes someone else to point out something that really should have been obvious to you. Alex helped me see how my personal life journey thus far had been piecemealed together. It was a guessing game. Some games I won and others I did not. I could be a one-stop shop to guide women on their journey to a life they construct for themselves. Did you see me do that? Whoopee, jump in my bedroom, because that's what I was doing when no one was watching. I was ready to figure out how to move forward in a new direction and leave the caregiver support squad behind.

Speaker 1:

You and I are adapting all the time. Think about what you do on a daily basis. You are taking in feedback, looking for clues to see if you need to change something. Parenting is a great example. You handle something one way, let's say by giving your daughter a timeout, but she continues to engage in unacceptable behavior. If you see it's not working, you would most likely try another approach. Maybe give positive reinforcement a go. You would continue to monitor, analyze and adjust. In your professional life, you are attuned to changes in the marketplace or your customers' preferences. It might be a signal that you need to pivot. You might also notice that the direction you're headed doesn't feel right or it's causing undue stress, just as the caregiver support squad was doing to me.

Speaker 1:

Recognizing the signals that it might take time to make a change is the first step. In order to move forward, you need to take a step back and objectively analyze the situation. Chances are you already have your own method of assessing a situation. If so, that's great. Even if you do, it's always worth exploring something different to see if it changes your perspective.

Speaker 1:

Here are a few ideas. Number one you could do a SWOT analysis. Swot stands for Strengths, Weaknesses, opportunities and Threats. The idea is to make four separate lists for the above-mentioned categories. Doing so helps you analyze the current situation. This method is often used in business, but could certainly be applied on a certain personal level as well. Number two make a pros and cons list, the old-fashioned make a list of all the pros and cons. It works, and I personally find this very helpful in all areas of life. Taking the time to create the list and seeing it on paper or a computer screen allows you to clearly see the situation. Three discuss with a counselor, friend or associate. Talking it out brings clarity, not to mention you get someone else's opinion, but please be sure you are discussing this with someone whose opinion you value. Four go with your gut. Tap into your intuition and listen to what your gut is telling you. This method is not analytical or scientifically based, but I believe your gut doesn't lie.

Speaker 1:

Once you've decided on your new direction, repeat the process of establishing your vision, taking action and remaining disciplined. Of course, on paper it sounds so simple, but it's not. The more you embrace flexibility, the easier it becomes. I recently heard someone define failure as first attempt in learning. First attempt in learning. Get it F for first, a for attempt I for in L for learning, fail.

Speaker 1:

Remember it's all about embracing that growth mindset we discussed early on in Chapter 2. Learning, embracing challenges and being flexible. Keep us moving forward in this exciting game of life. Keep us moving forward in this exciting game of life. Life is full of surprises and changes and how we adjust to them makes all the difference. Don't get discouraged by setbacks. Instead, use them as opportunities to grow and learn. Stay open to change, ready to shift gears when needed.

Speaker 1:

Adapting isn't just about surviving, it's about thriving. Keep moving forward, keep adjusting and keep your goals in sight. You've got this. Now I don't have time, but the key takeaways, in short, is embrace flexibility, reframe setbacks as lessons, and that adaptability is essential for growth. And I have to thank you for letting me vent and share my personal story, because reading this, talking about it with you, has been extremely helpful.

Speaker 1:

You were my number three, you were the person I consulted with and it was a reminder that you got to go with your gut. So until we see each other next time, please remember, always keep that sprinkle of adaptability in your life. You're not failing, you're learning. Until next time. See you next week. Make it a great day. Thanks for spending part of your day with me here on Maybe I Can, exploring possibilities, one sprinkle at a time. It's been great having you and I hope you're leaving with a spark to light up your journey to more.

Speaker 1:

Remember, every big change starts with a single maybe. If you're ready to kickstart that change, but not sure where to begin, I've got just the thing for you. Head over to download my free guide the One Critical Step to Kickstart Change, and take that all-important first step. Let's make those maybes into reality, one sprinkle at a time. Catch you next Tuesday at 4 pm Eastern, 1 pm Pacific, with more stories, tips and that extra push you might need. I'm Debbie saying goodbye for now, but always remember maybe, just maybe, you can. The views expressed on this program are those of the host, guests and callers and do not necessarily reflect the views of the station, its management or advertisers. You're listening to Transformation Talk Radio.

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Debbie Weiss

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