Maybe I Can with Debbie Weiss

Ep. 96: The Importance of Self-Care

• Debbie Weiss

Share episode

Send us a text

In this solo episode of the Maybe I Can podcast, host Debbie Weiss dives into the often-overlooked topic of self-care and why it's essential for living a balanced, fulfilling life. Debbie breaks down the myths surrounding self-care and shares practical tips on how to incorporate it into your daily routine, no matter how busy you are. She emphasizes the importance of prioritizing yourself without guilt, reminding listeners that caring for your own physical, emotional, and mental well-being isn't selfish—it's necessary. Tune in for actionable insights and inspiration to help you recharge, refocus, and reclaim your energy.

NEW! The Sprinkle Effect Book!
https://www.debbierweiss.com/thesprinkleeffect


***NEW FREE WORKBOOK**

Kickstart Your New Life with One Critical Step: A Practical Guide for Women Ready to Redefine Their Paths and Embrace New Beginnings.

DOWNLOAD HERE TODAY: https://www.debbierweiss.com/kickstart


MAYBE I CAN BEGIN TO CHANGE MY LIFE Enrollment is now OPEN!

This transformative six-module journey of self-discovery and empowerment includes a printable worksheet and offers lifetime access to all materials. Designed for those facing major life crossroads or simply seeking greater fulfillment, this course is your path to a more purposeful life.

LEARN MORE HERE: https://www.debbierweiss.com/beginchange


Work with Debbie! See all the ways you can work with Debbie to help you live the life you know you're meant for: https://www.debbierweiss.com/workwithdebbie


Get your FREE Preview of On Second Thought... Maybe I Can the book here: https://www.debbierweiss.com/freepreview


On Second Thought... Maybe I Can Book on Amazon: https://bit.ly/maybeIcanbook...

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to Maybe I Can, exploring possibilities one sprinkle at a time. If you've ever found yourself asking is this all there is to life, then you're in the right place. I'm Debbie author, speaker, entrepreneur and coach, and every Tuesday I'm here to share a sprinkle of hope and inspiration. We'll uncover the more More joy, more fulfillment, more prosperity, more fun. We'll share stories of transformation, actionable tips and that little nudge you need to take the next step. So let's embark on this journey of discovery and say maybe I can to a life filled with more, ready to find out. Let's get started. The Maybe I Can Show starts now.

Speaker 1:

Well, hello everyone, and welcome back to the Maybe I Can Podcast. I'm your host, debbie Weiss, and I am so glad that you're joining me today. You know, it kind of feels a little strange because I feel like I've had guest after guest after guest. I actually pre-recorded something because I will be on vacation the second half of October, which maybe I'll talk a little bit more about later. So I feel like I haven't just been able to have a discussion, just you and I. So I'm happy to be doing that today. As a matter of fact, my topic for today was really meant for September, because September is self-care month, and that is what we're going to be talking about today. But before I get into that, I want to remind you that I would love it if you were on my book launch team. So what does that mean and what is a book launch team?

Speaker 1:

Maybe you've heard, maybe you haven't, but November 11th, my second and third books will be launching the book. The first book is the Sprinkle Effect, a Guide to Living a More Colorful and Fulfilling Life, and book number three, same title, except with workbook on the end. So I have the self-help book, which has stories and ideas and activities and journal prompts, and then, if you're like me and like to have all of your responses, the activities all in one place. That is what the workbook is for. It is optional. So to be part of the launch team, what I'm looking for, or what you'd need to agree to do, is to read both books beforehand. Now I don't expect that you're going to answer every activity cover to cover. I think I just want you to, with the workbook, to take a look, maybe try a few and get an opinion, because once the book launches, the next request is that you go on Amazon and for each of those books put in a review, and that's why I'm giving it to you in advance, so you have a chance to read it and prepare an honest review and to be ready to put that in Amazon the first week or two that the book comes out. And in return, what I will give you is oh wait, I forgot one more thing Even though I'm giving you the book, you will have to purchase a digital copy for 99 cents each, so for $1.98 total, because you've got to do both of them and that will make you a verified Amazon reviewer in the fact that you purchased it. So, okay, I apologize, you do have to lay out $1.98.

Speaker 1:

But in return, you have your choice of a few different giveaways. You have your choice of a 15-ounce sprinkle mug and I don't have the list in front of me and if you're watching on YouTube, I have an example of one. This is a sprinkle of courage. I know a sprinkle of joy is an option, because I see that a couple of people already chose that, a couple of people who've already signed up for the launch team. So you get your choice of a sprinkle mug or the actual printed and bound copy of the workbook. And for those who have already joined the launch team. I see about half have chosen that, and for those who have already joined the launch team, I see about half have chosen that. So that is my way of just saying thank you for taking the time to do this for me. And come on, let's face it, you're going to read the book anyway, right? So why not get a prize? I love getting prizes. If you want more information, there'll be a link in the show notes or you can always email me at debbie, at debbiereweisscom.

Speaker 1:

Okay, without any further ado, let's move into the topic of self-care, which I can go off on forever. You know, when I first maybe like three, four years ago started in this I don't even know what to call it coaching business. I guess my first business was coaching family caregivers to prioritize their own care, and the reason that I chose that and I apologize if you already know about me is that I've been a family caregiver for over 40 years. It started when I was 17 and my 46-year-old father had a massive stroke and my parents soon divorced. My father survived and I was his caregiver for the next 30 years, and then, when my oldest son was born, he was diagnosed on the autism spectrum and then he added a bunch of other diagnoses and then, as you probably know, my husband also suffered from a variety of physical and mental illnesses, culminating in a terminal cancer diagnosis. And I was his caregiver throughout and through these 40 plus years of caregiving.

Speaker 1:

That wasn't at the exclusion of everything else. Right, I was working, I had money, stress, I was running a business or being an employee of a business. Both during that 40-year stretch, I had all the other responsibilities of life, and so the caregiving was just an added little bonus there. But what it did, I think the caregiving was really push me over the edge earlier than if that were the case. So let me explain.

Speaker 1:

All those years I thought that there was no time for myself. I thought that there was no time for myself. And whether you're a caregiver or not, let's face it, no offense, men, if you're listening women are mostly caregivers. Women run the show, right, come on. Women have to worry about their schedule, their family schedule, their extended family. They have to work. They plan everything. We plan the vacations. We have to worry about who has what clothes, medicine, where they have to go. We run everybody's life and we forget about our own. We often forget about our own.

Speaker 1:

At least, that's what I did, because I thought it's my job, it's my responsibility and I wanted to take care of everybody else. I'm not complaining about it, but if that's what I wanted to do, then all of those people and all of those things came before me and my own needs and I just felt like that was the right thing to do, that I had no other choice, there was no other way, and I hate to say it, but I believe the myth that self-care is selfish and I just kept thinking well, once this happens, once this kid is this old, once they're in this grade, then I'll have time for myself, then I can take that weekend trip or try this hobby or whatever it might be. And we all know how that works out. That day never comes, because something else then just backfills in there as your kids get older. Now, all of a sudden, you're volunteering for things, you're on different committees, you're busting everybody around it. Just it never ends.

Speaker 1:

And I think what winds up happening is you burn out, you burn out, you get stressed, you become resentful, stressed, you become resentful. Like you look around, I mean gosh, I used to think all the time my husband had anxiety. So it's not really fair because it is a clinical disease. But before I knew that he had a clinical disease, I think to myself, really, you have to do this one little thing and you're stressed. If you had any idea, everything that's going through my head and all the things that I have to do in that to-do list that just never gets any shorter. But I did it.

Speaker 1:

But what happened was I found I wasn't doing it happily anymore. Right as time went on, I resented that I had all this responsibility. I resented that I didn't have time for myself and I resented that nobody ever said to me you know what mom ever said to me. You know what mom, you know what Deb, go, take the day off, do something for yourself. You do so much for us. Now, maybe that would happen every once in a while on Mother's Day, on my birthday, those kinds of things but on a day-to-day basis it just wasn't happening, because we're each absorbed I mean, we're self-absorbed and especially as kids, you don't realize what your parents are doing for you. And I got burnt out and someone would look at me sideways and the next thing you know I'd be screaming and exploding.

Speaker 1:

I started to have physical symptoms too, of like the stress and the overwhelm and the burnout I would get twitching in my eye and heart palpitations. And it wasn't really until I guess into my 50s that I realized, hey, I can't go on like this, this is not the way it's supposed to be, because, yes, I want to take care of my loved ones, I want to be there for them, but you know what, especially when I started having physical symptoms, I'm not going to be around or I'm not going to be any good for them or to them if I'm not healthy and able to be there. And I was headed for a and I had some, you know, definite emotional breakdowns and physical breakdowns and it had to stop. But it was overwhelming and I did feel that it was selfish until I realized that the benefits of self-care it helps you cope with life, it builds resilience, you become physically and emotionally healthier and, like I said, you just become a better caregiver, a better mom, a better employee, a better boss, a better spouse, just a better person overall.

Speaker 1:

And you know, I think on the surface maybe, I know, I thought this way I was like, okay, well, self-care, I did already get my nails done. That's a form of self-care. Does that mean I should go for a massage and that's going to take care of everything? I don't think I really thought about the full spectrum of what self-care is and could be, so people break it down into many different categories, just like everything else. But I've got eight categories of self-care that I want to share with you and some of the things that fall under each category. The first is physical, and I think a lot of things in this list we already know. Getting, whatever it is eight to nine hours sleep, a night, physical exercise, eating healthy food, drinking plenty of water, going to the doctor, just taking care of our physical being is a form of self-care. Then there's emotional self-care.

Speaker 1:

Some of the things on this list allow yourself to cry. I really resonate with that, because I don't allow myself to cry that often, which I find so interesting because, oh gosh, as a girl and a teenager and a young adult, I cried a lot. But now I think I'm so practiced in holding it together for the sake of everybody else, of not wanting to upset someone else, I've learned to hold in the crying until I burst and then, you know, the crying turns into those heart-wrenching sobs and those horrible sounds that come from who knows deep within, whereas if I just allow myself to feel the emotion when it happens, it really is. I mean, think how you feel after a good cry, right? Ah, such a relief. It feels so good. On the flip side, what about laughing? You know, I never thought about that either.

Speaker 1:

Laughing is a form of self-care. So I have a friend of mine who, after her husband passed away, she started listening to comedians at night. When she was in bed, you know, she'd pull up different comedians on her phone. And when I learned that, I was just so not just surprised, because she wasn't or isn't someone that I would have pictured listening to comedians, let alone on a regular basis. And so I tried it and I was like you know what? She's right, it's another thing. Laughing feels so good. That's another thing I used to do all the time.

Speaker 1:

As a kid, a young adult I mean, I was known for this loud, boisterous, kind of funny little cackle I had. I don't know the last time that I had done that. I had. I don't know the last time that I had done that. And so now what I'm doing at night is and I hate to say this, but on Facebook, because I'm usually not a social media person. But on Facebook I'm looking at reels and you know how it works. They see what you like and I've been watching outtakes of Friends episodes or Seinfeld or different interviews on. You know different talk shows of someone funny or somebody doing a part of a standup, and I love it because I watch for maybe 10 or 15 minutes. It is hard to stop. That is the problem. But I do try to limit myself because I have to take care of my physical body and get enough sleep. But that release of just laughing spontaneously, I love it.

Speaker 1:

Also, under emotional self-care, learn to forgive people. We hold these grudges. You know we hold these grudges. Do you think the person that you're holding a grudge against is walking around upset about that? Probably not. But inside it's killing us, it's only hurting us. It's when we learn to forgive and let it go. That is a form of self-care Loving yourself, being compassionate, all of those things.

Speaker 1:

Emotional self-care, all right. Category three social self-care Establish boundaries. Well, that was a big one for me and that's one of the very first things that I instituted. When I started to, you know, embrace this idea of self-care, I realized that my family. They would interrupt me. They would say, mom, you know I need you right this second and I would drop everything. And you know what? 99% of the things that they needed were not life or death. This has to be done now. It's what they wanted on their time clock, their time zone, not mine.

Speaker 1:

And what I started doing was I started carving out times that I would do something for me, like I'd go to an exercise class. I have always especially like I used to go to jazz exercise and now I go to Zumba. That, for me, is physical self-care because I'm moving, but it's also emotional self-care because it just stress relief big time. And I wouldn't go because someone had homework or someone needed a ride or whatever it was. And I said, nope, you know what? Guys, whatever, whatever, I don't remember.

Speaker 1:

My days were Monday, wednesday, thursday, at from six to seven 30,. I will be gone, I am going to jazzercise. If you need something beforehand, if you need something when I get home, you just have to let me know in advance. But during those times I am unavailable. And of course at first they barked and complained, but guess what, they got used to it and even when my husband, gary, was, you know, dying, not when he was, you know, near the end, but he would be resting and I'd say I'm going to go upstairs for an hour. I have something to do, which at the time, I was writing my memoir. Unless it's an emergency, okay, I'll be back in an hour. Don't call me, which could sound cruel, but I only did that when I knew that he was safe and fine and all of those things, and he got used to it. Everybody gets used to it. They'll balk at first, but in the end you'll be happy and they will be happy.

Speaker 1:

Another thing socially is you socially is make time to see friends. If you're married, schedule those date nights. Learn to ask for help. How many of us don't do that? We think we're a failure if we need help. It's ridiculous or we don't want to bother someone. Whenever I think about know, whenever I think about that, I always think about something that I heard, you know, kind of flipping the perspective when someone asks you for help, depending on if it's someone who asks you for help every second, but typically no, you're happy to help. It makes you feel needed and useful and you're so glad to be doing something for someone else but yet we feel like it's a burden and it's not Most of the time. It's not Get comfortable with asking for help, all right. Moving on Spiritual. So spiritual self-care could be meditating, going outside.

Speaker 1:

New hobby, something that I've been trying to do over the last several years Get organized. Oh my gosh, how out of control do you feel when you walk into your house and everything is just all over the place or you open up a drawer to look for something like one of your, your kitchen drunk junk drawers and you have to start like taking all this stuff out to see what's underneath. If I read this somewhere, just 10 minutes, or every day, or once a week, whatever, on Saturday, say I am going to pick one drawer, it's going to take me 10 minutes to clean out that one drawer. Just try it and see how you feel the next time that you open up that drawer and you really just kind of like look right in the drawer and see what you need without taking a whole bunch of crap out and cords are, all you know, tied together and it is just, it's relaxing and it makes you feel good. It really, really does. It's like anything, just the act of getting organized, whether it's relaxing and it makes you feel good, it really really does. It's like anything, just the act of getting organized whether it's organizing your physical space my digital space is something that I need to organize, for sure, whatever it is but those things make a difference and they just make a difference in your everyday life.

Speaker 1:

And then your financial self-care. You know that's creating a budget, paying your bills on time, making sure that you have a will and a power of attorney and any other important documents that you need so often I hear. You know I'm an insurance person as well, and I do sell life insurance, and I can't even tell you how many people come in and say, either they don't have a will, they have never thought about what happens after they die. And you need to, and when you do, you'll feel a heck of a lot better, believe me. And when you do, you'll feel a heck of a lot better, believe me. So, financial self-care, intellectual self-care listen to a new podcast, take a course, do something creative, learn a new skill, read a book, any of those things and last but not least, work At work. You need to set work boundaries. If you're a person who doesn't take breaks, which is kind of what I do take a break, make sure you take a break, get up from your desk, walk around, go out to lunch, even if it's walking around the parking lot. Make sure you're taking vacations and continue your work, education, because that is also a form of self-care, all right.

Speaker 1:

So, besides the fact that so many people think that self-care is selfish, what else stops us? Well, it's usually things like I don't have any time for that. I'm way too busy, right? How do you expect me to find time to start a hobby or clean my house when, 24-7, I'm running, running, running until I drop into bed, wake up the next day and do it again? Very common, very common barrier, of course, feeling guilty, maybe, that you might be doing something, that you're spending time or money on yourself where you feel like that's selfish and it would be better used elsewhere. You feel like it could be indulgent.

Speaker 1:

And let's face it self-care it takes effort Because, like I said in the beginning, no one's going to come to you and say okay, here's what you need to do and I'm going to lay out a plan for you and I'm going to make sure that it happens. That isn't happening. You have to do it yourself. The only way that it happens consistently is with you being non-negotiable about whatever it is, or those things are that you choose to do, that you put them in your calendar, you set those boundaries and you don't let yourself off the hook. You don't talk yourself out of it saying that I have no time Because you could do a time audit, which means why don't you write down every single thing that you're doing in a day, and I mean everything how much you're watching TV, how much you're online, how much you're I don't know whatever it is that you do to really waste time? Do you really need to be reading all of these emails today? Can you prioritize? Because shouldn't you be prioritizing yourself? Of course you should.

Speaker 1:

Your own care is your number one priority and it's not selfish and you don't need to put others' needs first. Of course there are unusual situations and all of that, but in general, you've got to schedule in your own time and then work around it and you've got to hold yourself accountable. You know, look, start small, start with just scheduling something for five minutes every day, just like you would any other appointment. Put it in your calendar and do it. Do it like you would show up at the doctor like you would show up to meet your friend. Don't let yourself off the hook. Hold yourself accountable. And if you don't feel that you can be accountable, find an accountability partner and you together say come on, let's start this and talk to each other about what you want to do and then communicate on a regular basis and hold yourself accountable. And once you're good with five minutes, well then extend it. And if, for some reason, one day or two days, you don't do it, don't give up. Be kind to yourself and start again. Remember we are our most important thing person. Right?

Speaker 1:

You're not going to do all the things that you say that you have to do. Imagine if you are physically and mentally unable to do those things because you didn't prioritize your own self-care. So here's your homework. What are you going to do right now? I want you to make a plan. Think about all those different types of self-care. What are you going to do? Where are you going to start? Where are you going to start? How are you going to hold yourself accountable? Make a list of all the things you want to do. I have a list. You can go on my website under debbyrweisscom, and I have a list of different types of self-care and things that you can do for five minutes, 15 minutes, 30 minutes, however long you have. So time is not an excuse. All right, that's your homework, besides clicking on the link in the show notes and signing up for my launch team. So go out there, take good care of yourself and I will see you all next week.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for spending part of your day with me here on Maybe I Can, exploring possibilities one sprinkle at a time. It's been great having you and I hope you're leaving with a spark to light up your journey to more. Remember every big change starts with a single maybe. If you're ready to kickstart that change but not sure where to begin, I've got just the thing for you. Head over to download my free guide, the One Critical Step to Kickstart Change and take that all-important first step. Let's make those maybes into reality, one sprinkle at a time. Catch you next Tuesday at 4 pm Eastern, 1 pm Pacific, with more stories, tips and that extra push you might need. I'm Debbie saying goodbye for now, but always remember maybe, just maybe, you can.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Debbie Weiss

Host