Maybe I Can with Debbie Weiss

Ep. 102: Finding Strength in Caregiving: A Conversation with Savina Makalena

• Debbie Weiss • Season 1 • Episode 102

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 In this episode of the Maybe I Can podcast, I sit down with Savina “Savy” Makalena, a lifetime caregiver and powerhouse advocate for those on caregiving journeys. As CEO and founder of Gimme A Break, host of the Caring Caregiver Show, and publisher of Givers Guides Magazine, Savy combines her business acumen with a deep personal commitment to supporting caregivers. Having cared for her father, her mother with advanced dementia, and now standing by her spouse in their battle with cancer, Savy shares heartfelt advice and encouragement for caregivers facing difficult times. Our conversation dives into the resilience needed to balance caregiving with self-care, the importance of community, and finding strength in the hardest moments. Savy’s wisdom and empathy shine through, offering both comfort and inspiration for anyone on the caregiving path.


Learn more about Savina here:



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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to Maybe I Can, exploring possibilities one sprinkle at a time. If you've ever found yourself asking is this all there is to life, then you're in the right place. I'm Debbie author, speaker, entrepreneur and coach, and every Tuesday I'm here to share a sprinkle of hope and inspiration. Together, we'll uncover the more More joy, more fulfillment, more prosperity, more fun. We'll share stories of transformation, actionable tips and that little nudge you need to take the next step. So let's embark on this journey of discovery and say maybe I can to a life filled with more, ready to find out. Let's get started.

Speaker 1:

The Maybe I Can Show starts now, and today I have a wonderful guest who I was privileged enough to be on her show, I guess a couple of months ago now, but November is National Family Caregivers Month, and personally, as a family caregiver for over 40 years, I want to highlight family caregivers in the month of November, and our guest is certainly a woman who deserves highlighting. Before I introduce you, though, let me just take a moment to share a little personal excitement in my life. Yesterday, my second book, the Sprinkle Effect A Guide to Creating a More Colorful and Fulfilling Life, launched, and for those of you on YouTube, I should have had it in front of me. Yay, here it is. So get out there and order it. The link will be in the show notes and it's on Amazon and Barnesandnoblecom and all those places. And then, hey, reach out and let me know what you think. Your feedback means everything to me.

Speaker 1:

Okay, with that, let me introduce you to Savina Savi Makalena. She's a lifetime caregiver, a daughter, mother and mentor, with a bachelor's of arts degree in business management and an extensive background in business strategies, financial management, sales management, marketing, branding, training all the things. She is currently the CEO and founder of Give Me a Break. She's the producer, creator, host of the Caring Caregiver Show and the publisher of the Giver's Guide magazine. The past 10 years she has devoted her time as a caregiver for her mother and father in the final stages of dementia. Currently and I just want to make sure this is still true she stands steadfast at the side of her spouse in their battle with cancer. Yes, okay, well, with that, savvy, welcome to the show.

Speaker 2:

Hi, debbie. It's so great to see you, and it has. I can't believe how much time has gone by, but congratulations. I'm so excited for your book and I know we talked about it when you came on my show, so I'm so happy to see that manifested. Just congratulations and sending you a lot of hugs on that Great job. I'm really excited about it. I can't wait myself to see what's in the book.

Speaker 1:

So thank you, thank you. And for those who can't see and maybe they don't know why she has that background, she is coming to us from beautiful Hawaii and a lot of people that have come here will know the mountain to my right ear here is Cocoa Head.

Speaker 2:

A lot of people go there and climb it. It's a big. It's a famous hike up this mountain. And then to my left ear is Hanuma Bay, which is a beautiful national wildlife sanctuary where a lot of people have probably gone scuba diving. So those were my playgrounds as a child.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my goodness, I can't even imagine I'm getting the chills, just as you're describing them Literally. I am what a beautiful place to grow up and to live. So let me start with my traditional question, which is to ask you can you tell us about a time where you went from a defeated I can't mindset to an empowered maybe I can attitude?

Speaker 2:

I love that and this was one of the things that drew me to you was because of that question and why we connected up, and I'll tell you that it was really when my mother was placed into care she in her final stages of dementia now, and when she was late in stage six, early seven stage, which is the final she just reached a level of care where I could no longer provide that and by having nursing staff coming into the home it was costing between 20 and $30,000 a month and we couldn't sustain that and I had to make the decision to place her and it was one of the hardest things. I decisions I really, and I've made some tough decisions in my life, but that was a really tough one and the whole experience of caregiving left me exhausted, overweight, ill, mentally, physically, just in a decline, and so I went basically from caregiving to my mother, placing her into nine months of depression. I myself became suicidal. I felt like there was nothing left to do. There was nothing out there, I was done. I couldn't possibly go back to work like this.

Speaker 2:

I was a mess and I did. I went into nine months of depression and just one day I maybe I can, and I snapped out of it and I realized I could do something about this. I can't just let this happen. No caregiver should ever have to go through this, and that's when I began give me a break and I founded give me a break as a nonprofit organization to care for caregivers and to provide them with all the things I didn't have and so that they could survive it. And that was my maybe. I can't, I can moment.

Speaker 1:

So I have a few questions. One was do you remember anything in particular which made you just wake up one day and snap out of it?

Speaker 2:

You know, I I was crying most of the time, right, and I am such mind you you read my bio and thank you for skipping over so much of it but I've been a power executive my whole career. I've worked and I've trained executives, right, I've grown companies. That's what I do. I'm a power woman. What am I doing? Sitting here crying, and I was just a mess. I couldn't believe how far exhausted my mental faculties had gotten. I just was a lump and I think it was that sudden realization and I don't know how it even came to be nine months. And I don't know how it even came to be nine months. I don't know if maybe that was the gestation of a wonderful thing, but I just sort of woke up one day. Ah, I remember now, believe it or not, I was watching a lot of. You know those. You know those holiday movies that come on. We all watch them. I won't I won't sponsor a channel right now, but you know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, I'm an addict.

Speaker 2:

Holiday season and we have our good cry and, and it was just a particularly one that had me feeling like a release and I just was just sobbing and sitting there and then I realized how sorry I was feeling for myself and that I was doing and accomplishing nothing for someone who spent her whole life accomplishing things. And that was that aha moment when I realized, wait a minute, I can do something. And I wanted to leave a legacy for my parents. I wanted it to be something that left a legacy so that they would know people would know that my parents and who they were and what we went through. And so that was how it all came. It just culminated into this one big aha moment and snap I can. It wasn't just maybe actually it was that I can do this, and that was almost five years ago.

Speaker 1:

And we'll get to in a few minutes. What you've done, which is absolutely amazing, just proves how much of a power woman you are. But I just want to dive a little bit more into your caregiving story. So one do you have any siblings that were able to help any?

Speaker 2:

siblings that were able to help. Well, I have a sibling to that question. I have an older brother and he was not involved as much. So, and I think what it taught me also is not so much to you know, judge people, but to understand that everyone has their cap and everyone has their limitations, and so it wasn't something that I was able to get a lot of support from my one sibling, it was. It was something I had to do on my own.

Speaker 1:

And was he? Were you able to do make decisions on your own without any arguments? Did you have 100 hundred percent control?

Speaker 2:

Right. So fortunately, I guess because of that and because of that whole non-judgment zone attitude that maybe I have, it didn't put that pressure on him and he just basically said you know what, you go ahead and make the decisions, you're in control, you got this, just let me know what you need. And so you know, it was fine and I think that it actually probably worked out better. He and my father didn't really get along very well and I don't know if they were ever able to come to terms, but you know, that's like we say here in Hawaii. We say Kuleana, that's, that wasn't my Kuleana, it wasn't my cross to bear. So I allowed that to just be on his shoulders and he can, you know, come to terms with that.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, it was. It was a little tough because I know I didn't always have that. You know, my, my partner was my support. But working full time because I couldn't work, I lost my job, I lost my executive position, I lost everything and to this day I have no savings or anything left because that's all gone into profit. But you know, that's another subject about caregivers and losing, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

That is absolutely true. And one that's not talked about enough. I don't think yes, yeah. I mean, I think it's getting a little more out there because you know I know that and you'll know better than I am you know there's different bills and whatnot that are there to try and ease caregiver financial burdens. Well, you know.

Speaker 2:

I wrote a bill as well, right? So I have a bill that's going to the legislators this year Again. Last year it wasn't in time, but this year we've had a full year to prepare, and this is a bill that makes an adjustment to the unemployment system that we currently have to allow caregivers to get paid. So I know this is a shameless plug, but please go onto our website and support the bill. I will be in Capitol Hill next week and I'm taking signatures with me so it is backed by our Hawaii senators, and so just a quick blurb about that. I am trying to make change happen for that, so that caregivers can get paid because I lost my income.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely Just you'll give it again. But since you just said that, now tell people where to go to find out Really easy.

Speaker 2:

Just think of give me a break and then take the first letters GAB. Think of give me a break and then take the first letters GAB. So GAB and Hawaii is 808. So GAB808.org.

Speaker 1:

Perfect, okay, so you know it's funny because I have a younger brother and he didn't want any part of it either, not in a bad way. So I kind of understand. You know, on the one hand I don't know about you but for a while I was resentful that you know he lives in a different state, so geographically it obviously made it a lot harder. I'm the one here, you know, was the one here with my father, but you know, sometimes it was just hard to listen to, like what he was doing on a weekend. Yeah, you know, when I had to deal with whatever was going on and I did get a little resentful and I think, um, it took me a while to get get past it.

Speaker 2:

But in hindsight I think, well, you know what, I'm glad I was in 100 percent control you know, and I mean'm glad I was in a hundred percent control, you know, and I mean I do appreciate calling the shots, but it is exhausting and trying to get family support is something so important and with what I know now, I think I would have approached it differently. I would have had more conversations, more communication and try to get better support, because it it, because it darn near killed me and I don't think that he'll ever appreciate or know that. And I think that if we needed to be in it, we needed to be in it together, even if it was planned in some way, and just better communication.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, communication, I agree with that, and so now, so are both your parents gone.

Speaker 2:

My father passed a year and a half into caring for him and he actually had a stroke, which was a complication due to caregiver burnout. Found out later that they had been hiding my mother's dementia diagnosis and that it seemed as though she was taking care of him. But he was actually caring for her and they were hiding her illness. And my mother is now 10 years now and she is in her final stage of dementia. So she's non auditory, non ambulatory, non responsive, and so she will hopefully be with my father soon and not be where she is now.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, it's been a rough journey. How is that for you now? And not be where she is now.

Speaker 2:

But yeah, it's been a rough journey. How is that for you now? You know it's a roller coaster of emotions. I think I cope because we have our monthly I'm sorry, we have our weekly support sessions, that a group of caregivers that we get together, and I've been doing this now for nearly five years every Tuesday evening and that's kind of helped me to cope as well. Uh, I don't know how caregivers are doing it without that support, uh, or without that communication and community, uh. So I again, I reach out to caregivers you know we're here for you, uh, or find one in your area because you need that um community to support you through all of that. I, I, I think that's the only way that I cope with everything that you have to go through emotionally and physically when it comes to, especially, the end of life part. That's really hard.

Speaker 1:

It's really hard.

Speaker 2:

Agreed, yeah, and then there's always those Christmas movies, you know. I mean, it helps you release a lot.

Speaker 1:

This is true and it also it also causes me to not sleep because, no matter how much I turn it on upstairs in my bedroom and I'm like I'll take 10 minutes and then two, hours and then you get roped in and the plot twist and that at 59, you got to wait for the kiss.

Speaker 1:

You know it's like, exactly, I know what's happening, but so why do I have to keep watching it? It's, it's crazy crazy. It's funny, it's crazy crazy. It is definitely a guilty pleasure. All right, Now let's let's talk about your spouse, If you don't mind. Not at all. What's the situation there?

Speaker 2:

So, uh. So at the beginning, just just maybe about six months into uh, starting give me a break, the nonprofit that we you know, and and caring for all these wonderful caregivers a diagnosis came in for cancer. So polycythemia vera, which is PV for short, is a blood cancer, and so it's manageable with low dose chemo and lifestyle changes, diet changes. But the maintenance itself is still hard and basically you become a ticking time bomb because it thickens your blood to the point where it could not flow or cause clotting that could at any point in time affect your life. So it's just a constant maintenance and doing all the right things. So, yeah, I became a caregiver again.

Speaker 1:

Yeah Gosh, our lives seem to have been taken, have a lot of parallels. Yes, you know, my, my husband had blood cancer. It was blood cancer also. His was MDS.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

And just diagnosed.

Speaker 2:

And it's funny because it's not like you know, it's not something that, because it's so internal and because people don't always see that, as it's not a loss of hair kind of thing, right, it's, and you don't always see that. So blood cancers are really tough and they do affect every part of what you do, everything you do, and and yeah. So then you, you're also constantly going day to day, not knowing, you know. I mean, I remember when I was a mom the first time and you know, you go up to your baby and you you check to see if they're breathing. You know, and I didn't think I'd ever get to that point in my life where I would do that, even now.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

You know, to the love of my life, right To be able to see in the middle of the night. Are you breathing? You know? Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, sorry.

Speaker 1:

All right. So in the midst of all this, you're still, obviously five years ago, still in your caregiving journey, the thick of it, and yet you still decided that you were going to do something selfless and start. Give me a break, right.

Speaker 2:

Right? Well, you know that was the thing. I didn't want to see any caregiver go through what I went through. So I was going to do everything I could to change that and so, whatever that meant, you know, and it's morphed into so many things where even now, to the list of all the things that give me a break does, we're adding advocacy the things that Give Me a Break does we're adding advocacy. So, you know, we give support, community outreach, we do pamper sessions, we help caregivers to practice mindfulness in the moment, we educate.

Speaker 2:

So you know, there's so much that Give Me a Break is doing now, which is wonderful, and I'm so proud of the team that we have and the effort that we put in. We're all volunteers. No one gets paid, everyone gives of their time, and I would love to see this spread throughout the globe, because I think every neighborhood needs to give me a break, because that's what we all need. We just need that moment to regroup and survive. So one of the reasons, too, I didn't mention earlier, but when I first heard the statistic, it scared the birdies out of me. Right, it was at that time. 30% of caregivers would not um would pass before the one they're caring for.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And it's gone up to 50% in the last five years. So it's now at 50% of caregivers will pass before the one that they're caring for, and we're here to change that statistic. Um, a lot of it were. The rise, of course, came from the pandemic, but you know we're changing that now. We're hoping to bring that statistic back down again. We want caregivers to survive and that's why I talk about caregiver survival all the time and what you can do in a moment to survive. Caregiving I almost didn't, and everyone else should. So caregiving should be a joy, not something that is a death sentence.

Speaker 1:

Very true. What do you see? What do you typically see the caregivers that you meet? What are, what are they feeling, what do they need?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, they're exhausted, they need respite Respite's a really big one, and they need respite, it's it's. They need a break. But, you know, not a lot of caregivers can get breaks, and breaks are costly too, if you take more than a day. So, again, we're trying to provide you a way to take moments throughout your day so that you practice wellness, because you don't need a spa and you don't not. The spas aren't great, trust me. They're wonderful If you can get to them and get a massage, by all means guilt-free. You deserve it, caregivers. But I would say that if you can practice in the moment, if you can learn a quick, you know one minute meditation, if you can take two minutes to breathe, you know, if you can take three minutes to just get off your feet and do something positive that feeds your body and your soul, then you'll. Your survival rate increases each time and, of course, community, having that support from a care group, that's going to make a big difference in our survival as well. It made a big difference to mine.

Speaker 1:

Me. Self-care was creating boundaries and learning to say no, because I would overcommit myself to other people or other organizations, and it was. I didn't have the capacity to begin with, so I was spreading myself way too thin and just I was responsible for making my life more stressful than it had to be.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and understanding that you're not saying no to the person, you're saying no to the moment and that life is in moments and if you look at that differently, it helps you to make better decisions about those moments. I think that's a really big one, and as a caregiver, we don't see moments, we just see one big long drudgery and we have to kind of divvy that up a little better so that we can enjoy those moments. But you know that's also what the Giver's Guide magazine is all about. That's the magazine that we publish for caregivers. It's online, so easy to use. But you know we've got articles in there too about tips and how to get through that. So that's a wonderful thing as well.

Speaker 1:

And so it doesn't matter that you're in Hawaii. I mean, I think I can speak for everyone listening. We'd love to come visit you in person, but now everything's online, so anyone can join.

Speaker 2:

Yes, Anyone can come in, Anyone can join up, anyone can log in. It's open to the public and, of course, we would love for anyone who wants to start something up anywhere. We are just starting a chapter in Houston and you know we're looking forward to more locations. So that you know, get a group of caregivers together and we'll support you through it. It's, you know, again, it is voluntary, so this isn't a money-making scheme. This is an opportunity to share with your community and to give back.

Speaker 1:

My goodness, I love that so much. So is it because of Ben, your partner, that you've been able to not go back to a paying job? Is that what's affording you the opportunity to do?

Speaker 2:

this yes and no. I am also working part-time now, though, so I do a part-time job and we keep expenses down.

Speaker 2:

We live very simply, you know, and here in Hawaii especially. So you know. Yeah, but you know, and I'm also officially retired now, I'm on Social Security, so that helped out just in the past month. That helps out a lot as well and takes a lot of worry off the plate. We would love to one day be covered by grants or sponsors so that could help pay salaries to people who are working so hard. That would be great.

Speaker 1:

I'll tell you, I have been involved for about 10 or 12 years with a small business women's networking organization that a local woman started is there to you know, see her mission through and to help other people because it's it's called BW Nice Business Women Networking Involved in Charity and Education.

Speaker 1:

So you're tied to a local charity, so it's not just it's business women working together to support the local and you know, the level of commitment is quite extreme, but I'm speaking for you where I say it only comes because of what's inside you and how strongly you feel and the fact that you were in such a deep depression for so long. I don't think I. I don't think I realized that. And how many people are out there thinking what's wrong with me?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, there's gotta be so many. Well, and you know, there's almost 6 million caregivers throughout the United States alone. So that's how many people are walking around feeling that way and we need to band together as a community. One of the things that's how many people are walking around feeling that way and we need to band together as a community. One of the things that's coming up at the National Caregiving Summit is that we call ourselves the caregiver nation, so as a nation, we need to come together and support one another and keep each other going.

Speaker 1:

As we come to the close, tell everyone, repeat the website again and then talk about when your show is on and, like we said, the you know support groups and anything else that you have that can help fellow caregivers.

Speaker 2:

So GAB808.org. Go onto our website. Everything's there. We have the Caring Caregiver Show comes on every Wednesday. We stream on seven platforms. On social media you can find us even on YouTube, facebook all of them and our Giver's Guides Magazine is available. You can go onto the website and you can find a button to click for that as well. And if you can't afford a subscription, that's okay. There's older issues you can read that are back issues and they're all for free. But know that all the profits go to help support. Give me a break. So with our personal funds, with with whatever we make from the magazine after all the bills are paid and then, of course, with the donations that come from the heart. We keep going and we continue to go for the past seven, the past five years, and we'd like to go another five and help caregivers all over. So you're not alone, you have a community. Our sessions are every Tuesday evening and it's all on the website.

Speaker 1:

My goodness, savvy, I can't thank you enough for being here. I can't thank you enough for all you're doing for our fellow caregivers out there, because we both know firsthand, you know, how needed it is and I'm so grateful to you and all you're doing. So thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate it. Thank you.

Speaker 1:

And everyone else. All the information will be in the show notes. Please, please, go check out. Give me a break, because we all need a break, but as family caregivers, it isn't optional right, it's 100% required. Otherwise, as she said, who knows where we'll end up and we won't be any good to ourselves or for our caries.

Speaker 2:

So I want to become the one needing care.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely not, absolutely not. All right, everyone, that's what I've got for you today. Just keep on keeping on and come back next Tuesday as we continue talking about this important topic. Bye-bye, thanks for spending part of your day with me here on. Maybe I Can, exploring possibilities one sprinkle at a time. It's been great having you and I hope you're leaving with a spark to light up your journey to more. Remember every big change starts with a single maybe. If you're ready to kickstart that change but not sure where to begin, I've got just the thing for you. Head over to download my free guide, the One Critical Step to Kickstart Change, and take that all-important first step. Let's make those maybes into reality, one sprinkle at a time. Catch you next Tuesday at 4 pm. 1 pm pacific, with more stories, tips and that extra push you might need. I'm debbie saying goodbye for now, but always remember maybe, just maybe, you can.

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