Ep. 107: A Sprinkle of Connection

In this episode, I explore the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people and creating connections that inspire and uplift you. From my experiences with supportive groups like Weight Watchers and autism support networks to learning how to say no to draining relationships, I share how community can provide strength, encouragement, and growth. We’ll discuss the value of choosing your circle wisely, setting healthy boundaries with friends and family, and diversifying your social connections to protect your energy and well-being. By the end of the episode, you’ll feel empowered to seek out groups that align with your values and set limits where needed to foster a healthier, more fulfilling life.   

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Chapters

• 0:00 Maybe I Can Podcast
• 20:21 Choosing Positive Influences
• 27:57 Setting Boundaries and Surrounding Yourself

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello and welcome to Maybe I Can, exploring possibilities, one sprinkle at a time. If you've ever found yourself asking is this all there is to life, then you're in the right place. I'm Debbie author, speaker, entrepreneur and coach, and every Tuesday, I'm here to share a sprinkle of hope and inspiration. Together, we'll uncover the more More joy, more fulfillment, more prosperity, more fun. We'll share stories of transformation, actionable tips and that little nudge you need to take the next step. So let's embark on this journey of discovery and say maybe I can to a life filled with more, ready to find out. Let's get started. The Maybe I Can Show starts now. Well, hi there and welcome back to the Maybe I Can Podcast. I'm your host, debbie Weiss, and I so appreciate you tuning in as always. Appreciate you tuning in as always.

Speaker 1: 1:03

And once again, my guest was unable to hop online today, had to cancel at the last second. Honestly, she said that her husband was in a car accident Horrible, he broke his arm, that's it. So clearly she has other things to worry about than to come on here with us, but I am confident that I will get her back on here in January or February. So that means it's just you and I together today and if you're listening real time, it's December 17th and December how it just seems to just roll right along. So a few things that are on the top of my mind that I want to make sure to tell you that I am running a special on my. Maybe I can begin to change your life. Maybe I can begin to change your life. Maybe I can begin to change my life. Course, not your life, even though it is your life, not my life because I have begun to change my life. Oh, my goodness, rambling sorry. So typically the course is $47, but until the end of this year it is $25, $25 for 2025 and a chance to begin your new life in 2025. So that'll be in the show notes or go to debbyrweisscom and you can find all the details there.

Speaker 1: 2:40

So I decided to talk about today sprinkle number 14 in my book, the Sprinkle Effect, a sprinkle of connection. But before I get into connection or actually you know now that I'm thinking about it there is a way to relate this to connection, kind of so, through an amazing connection of mine and a wonderful mastermind group that I'm a part of, through Andrea Crisp. She has a great podcast as well and, oh my gosh, I can't believe. I said that. Now it slipped my mind. I'm going to come back to it. It's the Courage Cast. Phew. That's what happens when you're 61. Things fly in and out of your mind.

Speaker 1: 3:27

Anyway, wonderful, wonderful person, and my friend, erin O'Connor from Happy Humans Mindfulness, who has been on the show a couple of times. She is also a part of the mastermind and I was talking about something, everything kind of that's going on in my life, actually from a business perspective, not from a personal perspective and she said something yesterday that resonated with me. So and she said, debbie, stop gripping so tightly, stop gripping so tightly. And I thought that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm gripping so tightly that I am not allowing things to kind of just happen naturally, just happen naturally. It's like you know, when you're just forcing something or you're just having so much control over something that you could be missing out on something better, something easier, so that visual of just ooh, and if you're not watching me you can't see. You know, but my hands are clenched and my whole body is clenched, that feeling of gripping on so tightly. And you know, so often I think we grip on so tightly to ideas or to people or I don't know, or dreams that maybe if we just loosen the reins, that's all we need to do and gosh, it's just so freeing because that feeling, when you're just holding on so tightly and trying so hard and it's a feeling of frustration and of always feeling stressed and tense and when you loosen that grip and you have some give, it's amazing. Everything just changes. And really, since Aaron said this to me about 24 hours ago, I feel like a different person. I really really do.

Speaker 1: 5:53

Some of my creativity, I think, was a bit blocked because I was searching, finding I needed to find the right thing, the right answer, finding I needed to find the right thing, the right answer. And since I stopped holding on and kind of just gave it up and said whatever happens, happens, just go have fun. In the last 24 hours I've had fun, my creative juices seem to be flowing again and I think it's because, thanks to Erin, I'm no longer gripping on so tightly. And so here's how I'm going to make a segue into a sprinkle of connection. Without these connections, without Andrea, without Erin and the group of other very supportive women that I am in this group with, I wouldn't have been given that nugget. I wouldn't have these women who are there supporting me and offering me ideas, and then me in turn offering them ideas and hearing what they say, and then that gives me a different perspective on things.

Speaker 1: 7:11

I have to tell you that, my friends, I think they might've created a word I don't know if this is a word, I never looked it up in the dictionary but they call me a groupaholic and they're right. I am addicted to groups and I don't think that's a bad thing. I don't think that I need an intervention, although they think sometimes I do because they joke that I'm such a bad thing. I don't think that I need an intervention, although they think sometimes I do, because they joke that I'm such a joiner, which is so funny because early in my life I was petrified to join if I didn't know anyone or it was a new and scary situation. But now I find it so much easier to join in when it is a group. So let me give you a few examples of what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1: 8:05

Groups are whether it's a support group, whether it's a group of like-minded people, like my mastermind, all entrepreneurs with you know we joined this group together to help us with business ideas and really all ideas, all life ideas, which all especially when you're an entrepreneur all relate to our own businesses. Or it could be a group of moms that all have kids who are performing in the same show, I don't know. Whatever it is, when you share a common interest, a common bond. It could be a book club, right? People who love to read books and like to get together and sit around and discuss them. I don't know about you, but those types of groups they just fill me up. They bring so much to my life. It is so wonderful to share experiences with people who understand, whether they're tough experiences like I've had to share in. Nami is National Alliance for Mental Illness, and I have attended those support groups.

Speaker 1: 9:38

When my husband and my son were struggling with mental illness, I found no greater support than with other parents or family members of loved ones who suffered from mental illness, because they got it. They knew exactly what I was talking about. Maybe, okay, each situation is unique, of course, to the individual, to the family, but there are so many things that we all experience and it's also comforting to come to a place, when it comes to mental illness, where other people understand. When you tell your stories, they're not judging you and they're not judging your loved one because they understand what comes with the diagnosis of a particular mental illness and there's no better feeling. Not to mention, these people have given me so many resources that I didn't know were available. I find that I really, in all of these circumstances, I did it with infertility.

Speaker 1: 10:50

I have said, I think, many times on this podcast, every podcast I go on, that Weight Watchers for me has been a tremendous help, starting at age 10. I'm 61. Weight Watchers, by the way, weight Watchers and I are the same age and we both also started in New York. I was born in New York, I was raised in New York and was raised in New York, and I lived there for the first 30 years of my life until I'm a transplant now to New Jersey, but close enough. Weight Watchers from the time I was 10, because that's the first time that I went on Weight Watchers as a diet attended a Weight Watchers meeting, although I didn't enjoy it at 10, being a 10-year-old in a room of all adults, mostly women At that point, being told all I could eat was tuna, fish and lettuce considering I don't like tuna, fish and lettuce by itself is pretty boring, but at least it was a room and is a room nowadays, even if it's mostly virtual of others who understand the struggle. They understand the feeling that you have when you slip up. They understand how fabulous it feels to hit your goals when the scale gives you the number that you want, and how it can be difficult when the scale the scale gives you the number that you want, and how it can be difficult when the scale doesn't give you the number that you want.

Speaker 1: 12:21

The point being that these different groups you find community, companionship, support and friendship, friends, friendship that blossoms out of shared experiences and shared interests. Maybe I don't know if it's that you know, I was love to play sports, particularly softball, when I was always on a softball team, and just that camaraderie of the common goal of winning and each of us supporting one another when we were in a batting slump, when we made an error, when we were sitting on the bench, all of those things. But even with those things, still being part of that team that celebrates a win or suffers a defeat. Maybe that's where it started, my love of connection. I don't know, I can't pinpoint it and I don't think that it matters. Sometimes, if I'm being honest, it's not all rainbows and sunshine.

Speaker 1: 13:48

Often you find members of the group that are energy drainers, those people who just suck the energy right out of the room, whether it's with their negativity, whether it's with their going on and on about themselves. Let's face it, we've all been in that room. I can't tell you how many Weight Watchers meetings that I've been in, that I've gone to week after week. And there's that one person who has to consistently, constantly talk. Now my family will tell you. Now my family will tell you. They think that sometimes I don't shut up. I'm a talker, that's for sure. But ha, ha, joke's on them. Because who knew that someday I would get to be a podcaster and all this talking turned into an asset. But when you're in a group, even if you have something to say about everything, common courtesy and common sense says to be mindful of that and give everyone a chance to speak.

Speaker 1: 15:22

And sometimes I've stopped going to groups because that one person made it not enjoyable. And I realized, you know, I remember sitting there wrestling with myself like how are you going to let this one person ruin your experience? And I try and I try and I try. And if I couldn't let it go, or things just didn't change, or if that person continued to come. You know, sometimes you get lucky and they stop coming, and when that happens the whole makeup of that group shifts, and you know what that can happen. No matter who comes in and out, it doesn't necessarily have to be someone who drains the energy. It could be someone who you know gives a lot of energy and they leave and now the group is kind of dull. You know it can work every which way. So when you get this incredible synergy, you just hold on and hope it never ends. Quite honestly, quite honestly, you know, let's talk about energy givers versus energy drainers.

Speaker 1: 16:24

I remember in my insurance career, when I first started, everyone said you have to learn to network. You have to network. It's part of it. That's how you grow your business. And back then, even though I love groups, I really lacked confidence, was very, very intimidated about walking into a room where I didn't know anyone, about walking into a room where I didn't know anyone.

Speaker 1: 16:59

And I went to this one particular group I'm not, it's a national group, I'm not going to say what the name is and there was something about it. It was like the members were had this air of superiority. They weren't welcoming, they didn't want to meet the new person, they wanted to only speak to those that they knew, kind of like the good old boys club. But I don't want to make it a sexist thing, because there were women there too, not just men. And oh my goodness, I was so miserable there and it was so uncomfortable when I had to get up and introduce myself. I just wasn't made to feel welcome and I thought there is no way that I can be a part of this. I just can't. I don't care how good it is for my business, I cannot show up once a week to a group that makes me feel like this. And even if it stops making me feel like this, even if, once I get to know people, I'm part of the in team, I don't care, because there were so many people. I alone wasn't going to change the vibe of the group and I just refuse to be a part of that.

Speaker 1: 18:28

And, conversely, I went to another networking group that was a women's group and I've talked about it here several times on the podcast. I've had the founder on the show. It's called BW, nice, which stands for Business, women, networking Involved in Charity and Education, and man talk about a completely different feel. Everyone the first time I was there was warm and friendly and when people got up to do their 30 second introduction, one was just nicer and just from that 30 seconds you knew that they were. They were there to meet you and they were there to help each other. And the beauty of the group was they were there to do charitable work as well and give back to the community. And I think probably I don't even know that was about 13 years ago and I've never looked back. I've been involved ever since and now over the past I don't know long time now 10 years or so I'm that person who's there to greet people when they walk through the door and make them feel welcome, especially when they're new, and tell them introduce them to somebody so that they're not a fish out of water. And I feel good when I do that. And I always feel great when I leave those meetings because everything that happens, everything I hear, all the women that I talk to. They just it's empowering. Their energy is empowering and I just want more of that.

Speaker 1: 20:21

You know there's a quote from Jim Rohn who said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with you spend the most time with, if you think about that, and when I first heard that quote, I thought, okay, let me think who are the people that I spend the most time with? Which is kind of hard, because when you work full-time, that could very well be the people that you spend the most time with, or it could be your family, or it could be a subset of your friends. Sometimes you don't have a choice, right? You don't have a choice of your co-workers, necessarily. You don't have a choice of your family for the most part, have a choice of your family for the most part. What do you do if they're not the type of person that you would choose to spend your time with? You're not going to fire them, or you can't fire them and you don't want to necessarily isolate a family member, but you kind of have to protect yourself from whatever it is that is draining about them. It could be that all they do is go on about what's wrong with the world, what's wrong with this company, what's wrong with America. You know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1: 21:57

You know those people that I'm talking about had to set a boundary and say, listen, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to talk about what happens on the news. I don't. I am, I'm I'm happy to say I'm uninformed. Yep, I'm uninformed and I choose to be uninformed. Yeah, sure, sometimes I can't help but catch the headline on my phone, and that's okay.

Speaker 1: 22:46

But I cannot have what's going on in the world, all the negative reporting, I just can't listen to it on a daily basis because you know what? I've been that person and I've watched a lot of news and I saw how it affected me. I was depressed, I was fearful. I don't want to walk around like that. Sure, if I had or I was driven to do something to change it, that's one thing. I don't want to say that I to do something to change it, that's one thing. I don't want to say that I'm not driven to change it. But on the big scale, I'm not sure what I can do in a quick time you know what I'm saying Quickly to shift some of the things that are going on in the world. So I actually choose not to listen to it because it's too upsetting. Because when I do, then I think what's going to happen? What about this? Well, if that happened there, maybe this can happen to me or my kids, or the world or the you know no.

Speaker 1: 23:48

So, anyhow, I told that person I can't talk about anything that has to do with current events. I'm sorry, I just cannot. And they would keep bringing it up and I would keep saying that calmly, nicely, not yelling, not whatever. And they finally got it and that was a boundary. I set a boundary. Now I can deal with that friend. I know that we're not going to talk about that. We can talk about other things, other things we share in common, other things going on in each of our individual lives, and that's great. And now she stays in my life, on my terms, protecting my energy.

Speaker 1: 24:35

You've got to do it because think about how you feel when you spend a lot of time with people who only complain or they brag about themselves. Oh my gosh, I can't stand that. I am so sensitive to that that I myself really don't like to talk about myself in that kind of way. I find that when I talk about myself, it's always I don't want to say in the negative, but like joking, like ha, ha, you know, I can't tie my shoes. I can tie my shoes. I don't know why I came up with that. But you know what I'm saying? Something little like that, someone who brags.

Speaker 1: 25:17

I've come to realize that it is their own issues that they're dealing with, that they need to build up their own confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, whatever it is, and that's why they do it. But I don't need to be part of that. And so I think that you really just need to be aware, because I didn't realize the effect that the people that I was surrounding myself with, whether on purpose or not, the effect that it was having on me. And when I did realize then if it was that bad or I had reason to remove myself, like the groups that maybe I didn't resonate with, or setting boundaries, then that's what I did, because you do find, when you're with people that lift you up, that empower you, that love you gosh, your whole world changes. You know, like I said, it's kind of like the difference of me walking out of that first networking meeting and being like so negative and just uncomfortable and kind of felt disgusting, versus walking out of my BW Nice meeting where still today, 13 years later, I always walk out with a smile on my face and a pep in my step, feeling good about myself, about the people that I was just with about the mission that we're on together to help our charity partners, and it changes my day, it changes my outlook. And then, if you think about the friends that you surround yourself with, it does exactly the same.

Speaker 1: 27:16

There's times in my life where I long to be part of some group. Think about being in high school and wanting to be part of the popular kids, and then, all of a sudden, you're with the popular kids and you're like what? This is, who they are, you know what. These people don't make me feel good. But of course, when you're in high school it's hard to realize that and accept that all you're looking is to be with that group. But as we grow older, hopefully, we don't care about that stuff anymore. We just need to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good, who we make feel good and who bring out the best in us.

Speaker 1: 27:57

So, especially this holiday season, I want you to keep in mind there's no need for any arguments or for you know, not looking forward to seeing certain people. I would say to you why don't you try to notice, notice what's going on and your reaction to it, and see what you can do to possibly set boundaries and even if it's just that you have to remove yourself from that particular room where that person is and go somewhere else, do it instead of ruining your whole day, your whole night, your whole week, who knows? Don't let it happen. Remember, the people that we surround ourselves with really do have a tremendous impact on our lives and, with that said, I'm very happy that you are surrounding yourself with me and I'm surrounding myself with you. I'm forever grateful for that. So I am wishing you a wonderful holiday season, not that I won't see you next week and the week after, but, just in case, happy 2025.

Speaker 1: 29:27

Thanks for spending part of your day with me here on Maybe I Can exploring possibilities one sprinkle at a time. It's been great having you and I hope you're leaving with a spark to light up your journey to more. Remember every big change starts with a single maybe. If you're ready to kickstart that change but not sure where to begin, I've got just the thing for you. Head over to download my free guide the One Critical Step to Kickstart Change, and take that all-important first step. Let's make those maybes into reality, one sprinkle at a time. Catch you next Tuesday at 4 pm Eastern, 1 pm. Pacific with more stories tips and that extra push you might need. Pacific with more stories tips and that extra push you might need. I'm Debbie saying goodbye for now, but always remember maybe, just maybe, you can you.