Maybe I Can with Debbie Weiss

Ep. 115: Finding Love at Any Age with Shannon Ichikawa

• Debbie Weiss

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In this episode, I sit down with love attraction coach Shannon Ichikawa to explore the journey of finding lasting love at different life stages. We discuss how dating in your 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond differs, along with the unique challenges faced by widows, divorced women, and those who have never been married. Shannon shares powerful insights on overcoming "love blocks," the role of self-love in attracting the right partner, and practical strategies for making meaningful connections. Whether you're re-entering the dating scene or looking to deepen your understanding of love attraction, this conversation will leave you feeling inspired and empowered to open your heart to new possibilities.

Connect with Shannon Ichikawa Love Coach here: 


Also, if you’re ready to manifest next-level love, Shannon is hosting a Vision Board for Love workshop on February 25th—and she’s offering my listeners 10% off with discount code: ICANVISION. Secure your spot here: https://events.humanitix.com/vision-for-love-online-vision-board-workshop 

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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to Maybe I Can, exploring possibilities one sprinkle at a time. If you've ever found yourself asking is this all there is to life, then you're in the right place. I'm Debbie author, speaker, entrepreneur and coach, and every Tuesday, I'm here to share a sprinkle of hope and inspiration. Together, we'll uncover the more More joy, more fulfillment, more prosperity, more fun. We'll share stories of transformation, actionable tips and that little nudge you need to take the next step. So let's embark on this journey of discovery and say maybe I can to a life filled with more, ready to find out. Let's get started. The Maybe I Can Show starts now. That's the Maybe I Can Podcast. I'm your host, debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today, and I'm excited to have with me Shannon Ichikawa. Did I say that right?

Speaker 1:

Yes, that's right, all right I should have checked with you before I came on the air. That was a tongue twister, but anyway, let me tell you a little bit about Shannon before we meet her. Shannon is a love attraction coach who believes that you welcome next level love by integrating the past and present. Shannon says when we let go of challenges blocking our way, we're able to create the life and love we really want. Shannon's message is that we are all 100% worthy of love and we can create the life and love we want in our lives. With over 25 years experience counseling, teaching, facilitation, speaking and coaching, Shannon encourages her clients own wisdom to the forefront and through this work with Shannon, people choose to live a life of love. Shannon loves singing, yoga and being part of a conscious community. She works online internationally as well as speaks, facilitates and coaches in person in Noosa, Australia. Welcome to the show, Shannon from the other side of the world.

Speaker 2:

Thank you, Debbie. It's such a pleasure to be here.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much years in, always amazed and thrilled that we can talk like this, being I don't even want to know how many thousands and thousands of miles apart. It's just the coolest, coolest thing so cool.

Speaker 2:

I'm so grateful. We just connect our hearts all over the world exactly, exactly.

Speaker 1:

It's just shows what a really small world it really is, even though it feels incredibly large. Yes, so I'm going to start by asking you the same question. I ask everybody Tell us about a time where you went from a defeated I can't. Attitude to a more empowered. Maybe I can mindset.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, beautiful question. Thank you so much. So when I was 18, I was in a pretty difficult relationship. I had chosen someone with very destructive patterns and it was a really hard time. And my dad actually gave me a 30 day yoga and rebirthing retreat as a present. Yeah, and he said this is to help you heal from all the ways in which I stuffed up your life basically. And at the time I wasn't ready, I was like, okay, whatever.

Speaker 2:

But when I was 19 I did go and I thought to myself this is going to give me the, the feeling that I can leave this relationship. You know, this workshop is going to give me the courage and the positive energy. So off I went and it was so deep. Oh my gosh, I cannot begin to describe. You know every single chakra. We did meditation, yoga and breath work. So it was very powerful and I got back full of love. Like I even actually had to touch this sense of God and the divine in the workshop, which I hadn't felt before as well. It was so amazing and I came back full of so much love.

Speaker 2:

I was thinking I don't need to break up with this guy. I'm so in love with the whole of humanity like we can make this work. And basically I said, oh my gosh, it's awesome. I love you so much, it's going to be amazing. And the guy just looked at me and said, oh, you haven't changed a bit, have you? I just looked at him and went, oh okay, I better pack my bags then. So I really did go to that place of I can leave. But it was interesting. It was a loving place of oh, this is going to work. Oh, it isn't Okay, I'll leave, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Well, I get. That's very, very interesting. It goes to show you that you know I guess he did for you really what you needed to have happen right.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, exactly, and this is part of my journey, it's a very big part of my story, that turning point, you know, I was just actually telling my son earlier today.

Speaker 1:

He had something, a not great thing happen, let's just say that and I knew it really wasn't the time that he could understand, but I tried to tell him. You know, you don't know now why this happened, but years from now or months from now, you're going to look back and you're going to realize, oh, that needed to happen. So this could happen because otherwise that wouldn't have been. You know, unfortunately he doesn't have the same mindset and he just said Is that what I want to hear?

Speaker 1:

right now? No, I guess not, but you know, sorry, that's who I am Later. Yeah, I think you do have to to be, uh, in that mindset. That's so interesting that your dad gave that to you. As it was that, was he into yoga and meditation like, is that where that came from?

Speaker 2:

yes, he had always been into yoga and meditation and actual breath work had very much changed his life and I think he just wanted to share that with me.

Speaker 1:

And so since then, you've obviously embraced all those modalities into your life.

Speaker 2:

Yes, absolutely. And inner work, you know I say to people what inner work maintenance are you doing? And it's not for everyone that they see a practitioner. You know, sometimes I say to people take your reflection, perhaps your journaling prompt, into your morning walk, into morning meditation. Of course, yes, seeing practitioner is great. You know it could be a coach like me, or a hypnotherapist, or a beautiful therapist or psychologist, but someone that you resonate with, you know it's so important.

Speaker 1:

Hmm, I couldn't, couldn't agree more. So how did that situation at 18 or 19 then turn you into a love attraction coach? And before you even answer that, what is a love attraction coach?

Speaker 2:

Okay. So a love attraction coach really does help people that are looking for love to clear what's not serving them anymore and step into what they truly want and take the actions in the world. So I'm all about manifestation, but one part of manifestation is doing the action. So a love attraction coach will help people find love. Basically and I don't call myself a dating coach and beautiful love and energy to all the people that call themselves that, but I just for me, the name sounds like I'm going to teach people to perpetually be dating true dating coach, uh, so it doesn't resonate for me and so I called it a love attraction coach, and that that's how I see myself.

Speaker 2:

And sometimes I just say love coach because occasionally people come to see me. Um, I do do the EFT tapping, you know. I clear energy through the body through modalities such as tapping and other modalities as well. So people will come and see me for other aspects of love sometimes, um, but yeah, that's uh what it is and that experience really did inform. I mean, for many years I had a different career, but for the last eight years I've been, I've been doing this, um, I did a lot of facilitation and counseling for so years. I was also teaching English as a second language for many years.

Speaker 2:

But this love attraction coaching really lights me up because I can help people be proactive using inner work. That's what happened to me. I went from choosing destructive situations to really beautiful, beautiful humans. So that's what I want for other people. And I think one of the other sort of deciding factors was my husband and I when we wanted a child. It actually did take us a long time to get pregnant, so it took us three years, um, thousands and thousands of dollars, detoxing, acupuncture workshops on love and vulnerability and that fear around loving that much. You know that you need to love with a child and so much, so much. And it wasn't happening. And you know people with good intentions. They tap into a truth which is that surrender helps. So they say oh, you know, just go on holidays and it'll happen. You know they say things like that. It's kind of frustrating because if you want something or they say just forget about it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah right, you can't forget something that you want. Um, so one of my kind of secret sauce that I do with people is I teach you how to be fully proactive, that you can surrender, because I surrender more easily when I know I've done everything, everything and we were lucky enough. After three years I did talk to my hubby about okay, well, we might have to consider adoption type scenario, but at that moment I knew I'd done everything and I continued to do. It wasn't like, oh, it's proactive, now I'm going to surrender and stop action. No, continued all the detoxing, the sleeping, the exercising, the. You know I even changed from a vegetarian into someone who eats meat occasionally.

Speaker 2:

So many things I did to welcome a child and we were lucky enough that we did welcome my son and my daughter, which is very precious. And I do have friends and clients that have welcomed other forms of mothering. You know their businesses, their, their fur babies, their passion. You know a lot of people end up in their flow of their life. It's a mothering in a different way. That's what they want to attract I can.

Speaker 1:

I've talked about it on the show, but I can relate because I struggled with infertility for about six years and I did eventually go through the in vitro fertilization process. Oh yeah, six times total Gosh. So three times and I got son number one, and three times and I got son number two. And with son number two if anybody who knows anything or a little quick thing, is that you know by the time they're ready to transfer back it's not called an embryo, but for everybody listening, let's just say an embryo. Usually you know it's at least three or four that they're going to put back, just hoping that one will stick.

Speaker 1:

And I had had that done many times and it had not worked. And with my youngest son, the day that I got there for the transfer back, they said we only have one left, oh goodness. And I did. At that moment I did. I said okay, this is it. You know I want another child. Back then there was no internet, so I ordered adoption books and I had my head around like you know what I was going to do next. It was either adoption or a donor egg and I was like pursuing that and I didn't need to.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so yeah, just saying that it was all in the surrendering and it happened, yeah, and you did both pieces.

Speaker 2:

You did the proactivity big time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, that's me. I'm not the kind of person who sits around. If I want something, I I do. I do the same thing, everything that's that's possible for sure.

Speaker 2:

So let me ask what lights me up? Because people can do that with their love lives. You know, I go to events um occasionally and someone will come up and introduce me to their partner and say you know, and? And the partner's like oh, are you the love coach?

Speaker 1:

It's so precious, but I'll tell you, when it comes to that, doing everything possible. So I was widowed two years ago and I did not think at that time I was ever interested in meeting anyone else again. And now, for the first time, I'm at the point where thinking, well, I'm only 61. Yeah, you know, maybe I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Yeah, but the idea of listening to what you have to do and talk about doing everything, that whole online dating sites, yada, yada, that does not interest me. So I don't think with this, at least right now, I'm not options Other than, obviously, look, if Mr Wright knocked on my door or if a friend introduced me to someone, like all open with that, totally open, but as far as being proactive, yeah, there are so many things you can be proactive with, not just online dating.

Speaker 2:

Obviously, that's one aspect, but I'm all about the energetics and the vibration. So I am really into creating vision boards, vision boards for love, or even just writing down a list of what you want. You know don't be prospective for um prescriptive. You know they need to have this job or or look like this or be this tall. It's more about the values, qualities, lifestyle choices that you want in a partner and really be specific. Um, you do have to be careful you pray for, because I met my husband when I was only like 23, so I didn't really write a list of, oh, I want my partner right now, but I had. I did have a list of one day, you know, when I do find partner and on that list it said I wanted someone really natural.

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh, the man is so natural. I mean he's a minimalist. So if I want to buy a table it's a problem.

Speaker 1:

What are you supposed to do? Eat on the floor?

Speaker 2:

Prefer that? Yeah, so you just be specific around what you want. And when I say proactive, yes, the vision. But what's in the way of that vision, you know, is there fears around being vulnerable to love. You know, is there fears around previous relationships and what happened in that whole situation. Some people say to me oh, I don't like small talk, and is that a mindset that you want to keep, or is this something that you can actually do some inner work on? And I'm not saying that everyone's going to love small talk. I mean, I quite enjoy it. I'm quite extroverted, but not everybody does, and I totally understand that. But you can actually work with that energy to shift it a bit and go. You know what. I might not love small talk, as in it's my favourite activity, but maybe I could be really curious. Keep things light and fun and, yeah, find out what I can find out about someone else when I meet them somewhere.

Speaker 1:

All about changing your mindset, huh, and the way you look at things.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And telling friends and family that you're open to meeting someone can be really helpful too. Even things like consciously smiling at people in the street I'm not saying that if people choose to do that, you know it's going to be this fantasy moment where you smile and your eyes lock and the lightning goes off and they go get you a bunch of flowers or whatever. But the very act of choosing that tiny little micro decisions, of being loving, little micro decisions, of being friendly, that informs the rest of your life. So you go somewhere and you might be sitting at a party and you're both quite quiet next to the person, and a year later, when you're in a different place, you might have a chat with her and realise that her brother was perfect for you. You see what I mean. So it really does pay to be curious about other people.

Speaker 1:

I would imagine that many of us do have a lot of blocks and fears based on past relationships that we've had. I mean, I can't imagine that there's anything more common than that you know, someone had someone who was unfaithful and now you're afraid that every person is going to be like that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. And that really reminds me of a core issue that a lot of people have is the worthiness piece. So, really doing work around worthiness and, yeah, that emotional maintenance that I was mentioning before, working on your worthiness set point. So, yeah, sure, the self-love thing, it's not a finite destination. Like, oh yeah, now I've sure the self-love thing it's not a finite destination. Like, oh yeah, now I've got my self-love, tick that box, it's done, it's, it's um, it's an action, so it's a. Okay, I'm going to go to bed earlier than I usually do. Okay, I might make that a habit. Okay, I might, um, listen to that little negative sentence in my mind. I might actually see what the opposite feels like these little micro actions that can really help on the self-love front.

Speaker 1:

You know it's so interesting because this past weekend I was alone most of the weekend, I mean alone and I thought to myself you know, if this were I don't even know 15 years ago or more, I would have been depressed, uncomfortable, looking for something to do, running around, keeping me busy outside of the house. Yeah, and I don't feel like that anymore. I thought, you know what? I have things that I want to do and I think really, what I'm trying to get to is that I was happy just being with myself.

Speaker 2:

I agree with you, yeah.

Speaker 1:

And before I was not. Yeah, and I wish that I could say that the journey from where I was to where I am was quick. Unfortunately it wasn't, but it was just. This realization of this is the difference. This is the difference because it doesn't feel like when I was younger, I felt like somebody else's love was going to be validation that I was worthy of love, but yet it's really our own love of ourselves. And then, like you said, I think we have more to give and we show up differently.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely, and you imagine the vibration of you that you're being in that place. So when people say to me I want to meet someone and they describe them they want someone whose cup is already full, they want someone who has that self-love, who's lived out by life, not sort of always sitting around doing nothing, you know. So people really describe that to me and what you described about your beautiful solo time this weekend, you know I want that in a partner. I want someone who is okay with their own company and can enjoy that, because I really love interconnectedness in the relationship, rather than a sort of couple creature, you know, like, yes, we talk to our partners, we, we um talk about our plans and we negotiate, okay, what might be, what might be awesome for all of us, but not sort of this, yeah, this stopping of ourselves and our own light to fit in with someone else. So therefore, someone who's already really happening in and of themselves then comes to a partnership, with both people being like that, which makes for a really fun, beautiful time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah okay, so you hear that. Any Mr Wright, who's out there? Yeah, exactly so what are your? Do you have any top tips for how you is there? You know you meet someone. Any specific thing you stay away from don't stay away from. You know making authentic connections while you're dating and going through that process. That can be a little challenging in the beginning.

Speaker 2:

Definitely. So when people are interested in the whole online thing, I most definitely recommend to meet them in person as soon as you can, because people can, especially women. I mean it's a bit of a stereotype, but really they can think they're in a relationship with someone, even if they've just had a few messages back and forth. No, you have no idea what that person's energy is like in person. You need to meet them in person as soon as possible. Yes, in a public place. Make it safe, check them out online first. All of those things, definitely. And when you do meet people in person and online, thinking about your own, what's a red flag for you and what's a positive deal breaker for you? So, for example, when I met my husband, I was definitely like, oh, he's a musician. That was a positive deal breaker for me. You know like I like a musician and he like serenades my children to sleep every night. It's so beautiful, I know, so gorgeous. Even now, when they're like 10 and 12 um, your dad's not home. They're like, oh, mommy, can you play the flute or something? Um, yeah, so cute, but yeah. So the positive deal breaker is like, oh, I really like a guy who is into fitness. Or I really like someone who, um, is happy to have a deep conversation.

Speaker 2:

There might be things that are positive, uh, deal breakers and, of course, the red flags. So anything um, red flaggish. The red flags some are flashing big red ones, like they do it once and you're out. For example, it might be a cigarette smoke. You might think, no way, jose One, and see you later, have a beautiful life, goodbye. But others are sort of little ones, so they might be distracted when they first pick you up and you might think, oh, hang on, I'm here to connect and this guy's distracted. But if you just relaxed for half an hour, perhaps they'd be less distracted. Perhaps they were just trying to get to the restaurant. I know that there's a beautiful woman from the States called Alison Armstrong that I recommend everyone listen to. She does talk about that, about the differences between men and women in dating, and I recommend her work. Yeah, so yeah, there's a lot of tips I could go into, but I'll stop there.

Speaker 1:

I think about a friend of mine who she wouldn't date anyone who was bald, oh okay. And I thought that's ridiculous because, let's remember, just because what we look like out here doesn't necessarily make a difference, once we get to know what's inside, all of a sudden your exterior looks a lot different to someone, right? What do you think about that? I mean finding some kind of physical feature. That's a deal breaker To me.

Speaker 2:

It seems limiting, but it is limiting, but we don't know her story. I guess, like for her, the baldness itself could be some sort of trigger. So I guess, yeah, honour your feelings and thoughts. I mean, if you've got lots and lots of prescriptive things about appearance and job and things like that, if it's a big list down, that's, that's gonna totally get in the way.

Speaker 2:

But if there's something specific like that. You can just honor it and just be with that. You can do inner work with it and work out where it comes from. Um, yeah, so I guess it's. I guess it's her dance to dance. Um, yeah, it might stop her, limit her choices a little bit there. You know, yes, we need to have some level of attraction to people, so perhaps that's a real turn off to her, which I think is understandable, true. At the same time, I totally agree. I mean, if you love someone, you know, I mean this is funny. Someone can talk and they can be the most gorgeous person I've ever seen in my life and they open their mouth and start speaking. I'm like, oh, I thought they were gorgeous five minutes ago. And the opposite is true. Someone can sing quite plain and they start speaking and you feel, oh my gosh, this person's fantastic, you know. So I think that there's the potential for that. Yeah, agreed agreed.

Speaker 2:

How can? What are some tips to make a good first impression? Yeah, okay, so authenticity is key here, but you also want to give that self-care to yourself. So this is a fine balance, you know, for you, for people listening. Perhaps for them self-care is a lot of sort of prep and makeup and special clothes and, um, you know, special, friendly, uh, demeanor, all of the rest of it. And for other people they'll be much more low-key and that's self-love for them. So it's really about tuning into what you want for you. But authenticity is really, really important.

Speaker 2:

You know, I don't think a game playing is such a great idea. You know, play hard to get all that kind of thing. There's some truth in that whole thing, but I think the truth is more along the lines of have your special boundaries and space for you, that's great, but playing hard to get on purpose, to make them do something, that's a different thing altogether. Um, so yeah, friendliness, um being interested and interesting both. So if you're just going to listen to them, you're setting yourself up for a relationship which is um kind of not balanced. If you just talk and don't allow the space, that can also be not not great, because you want to get to know them. So I think a first impression is a balance of sharing and listening and having fun, keeping it light.

Speaker 2:

Perhaps the first impression is easier to be authentic with if you do an activity together, so perhaps perhaps you met up for a coffee and the next thing you might do is you might play tennis together or something and your focus on the activities sort of getting to know each other while doing something that can be good for authenticity that's a great idea.

Speaker 1:

I love that idea. Yeah, can you maybe share with us a success success story that one of your clients has had?

Speaker 2:

yeah, definitely so. I had someone see me who was very, very proactive. So, um, this person had a high-flying job, going overseas all the time for a corporate position, and they were so proactive. Not only did they have a love of traction coach, they also had a psychologist. They were into exercise, good food. So I don't say with successes, I don't claim my client Sixth Sisters as my own because they are the ones that are proactive. They are the ones that are doing the work and taking those steps. But it was really beautiful because, yeah, they dated a few different people over the time and really tuned in and it wasn't right and we talked about that. We did some of the EFT tapping. The tapping is a form of clearing mental and emotional blocks in the system. And I also do matrix, re-imprinting, which is tapping supercharged, so tapping on a memory from the past to completely change around the body.

Speaker 2:

So this person did some matrix with me and the next minute they're in love and um, yeah, I get sent updates occasionally like really special oh my goodness, that must be so rewarding yeah, well, one of my visions for my business that I'm excited about in the future is like having a kitchen bench covered in wedding invitations oh, I love that love that I go to this weekend, that's great.

Speaker 1:

So, Shannon, you have shared so many great, great pieces of information. I can't thank you. Thank you enough. As always, time goes too quickly. Can you tell everyone? I know that you're being generous and offering our listeners a discount for one of your upcoming workshops, so can you tell everyone where to find you and information about?

Speaker 2:

the workshops? Sure, thank you so much, debbie. Yeah, so people can find me at welcome lasting lovecom. That's my website, and they can get a whole lot of information around what I do there. So I have a vision board workshop coming up online. So the time zone is aest, which which is Australian time on the East Coast, and it's 3 pm to 5 pm on the 25th of February. So I'll send you a code to use for your listeners. They can have 10% off. It's actually a fairly cheap workshop in the first place, so it'll be a bargain. It'll be gorgeous, like you're going to bring some magazines with you, bring cardboard with you, and we're going to do some of the EFT tapping to clear what's in the way first, then create the vision from that place and then really enliven the vision board with some actions to take home to help that manifestation come to life. And after the end of the workshop, people can finish off their vision boards and, yeah, it's going to be really gorgeous.

Speaker 1:

Wonderful, and we will put that information in the show notes, so check there. And, shannon, thank you so much again. I loved connecting with you, especially right before Valentine's Day. You know what I wish that I could say it was planned this way.

Speaker 2:

It wasn't, and when I? Realized I went okay, okay, this was meant to be so yeah, totally, it's been beautiful to meet you and all of your gorgeous listeners, debbie and um. Yeah, I hope everyone has a really lit up, beautiful day thank you and everyone.

Speaker 1:

Happy Valentine's Day if you're listening in real time and, uh, if not either. Either way, I will see you next week. Thanks so much. Thanks for spending part of your day with me here on Maybe I Can, exploring possibilities one sprinkle at a time. It's been great having you and I hope you're leaving with a spark to light up your journey to more. Remember, every big change starts with a single maybe. If you're ready to kickstart that change but not sure where to begin, I've got just the thing for you Head over to download my free guide, the One Critical Step to Kickstart Change and take that all-important first step. Let's make those maybes into reality, one sprinkle at a time. Catch you next Tuesday at 4 pm Eastern, 1 pm Pacific, with more stories, tips and that extra push you might need. I'm Debbie saying goodbye for now, but always remember maybe, just maybe, you can.

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