Maybe I Can® with Debbie Weiss

Ep. 120: What If Everything Turns Out Better Than You Expected?

• Debbie Weiss

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In this episode of the Maybe I Can® Podcast, I delve into the common practice of catastrophizing, drawing from personal experiences to illustrate how it can hold us back. By flipping the script to focus on the best possible outcomes rather than the worst, we can transform our mindset and open ourselves up to new opportunities. I offer actionable steps, including a reflective exercise, to help listeners shift from fear to excitement and possibility. Join me in exploring ways to embrace uncertainty and believe in the potential for amazing outcomes.

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Speaker 1:

Hi and welcome back to the. Maybe I Can podcast the podcast that reminds you that your next chapter can be your best chapter, even if you can't see just how that is yet. Thank you so much for joining me today. So you might notice, if you've been listening to the show, that things are a little bit different. There was no catchy music or intro playing, because I am back, doing this by myself, without Transformation, talk Network, talk Radio, and I want to share with you my journey a little bit with this.

Speaker 1:

I was with them for about a year. Prior to that, I did the podcast on my own for about a year and there were a lot of pros of having, you know, a professional network, being on a professional network and a professional radio show. But one of the downsides that over time that I found and it was causing me to not enjoy podcasting and this is exactly why I left Nothing to do with them but just the parameters number one of having a live show that it had to be taped and it didn't have to be. But I think it was better being live than pre-recorded. So every Tuesday at four o'clock I would have to show up and you know, every once in a while I did pre-record something, but for the most part that wasn't the case and it tied me down to. You know, I have a full-time job, so sometimes, even though most of the time I was able to schedule it that way, it didn't always work out that way. It was also a lot of stress being live, even though I really, when I'm not live, I hardly do any edits, because I want it to be authentic. And you know, sometimes I pause and sometimes I say and ah, and all the things, or right, or or I don't know. You know all the things. I don't want it to sound fake because that's not at all who I am, but that 30 minute, my show was 30 minutes long, so I had to work within those parameters and I feel like sometimes that stopped me or caused me to maybe I felt ramble on about something that I didn't need to because I was so worried about hitting that 30-minute mark. And so now, back by myself, I can record when I want.

Speaker 1:

I'm recording this on Saturday afternoon at 4.30, looking like a hot mess. So if you're watching on YouTube, sorry, but you know, for me it's more important to get the content out there when I'm able and it's on my mind than with, you know, caring about how I look, because I don't want to say I don't care about how I look. But this is me, right, just like you. Sometimes we look good, sometimes we don't. Sometimes I wear makeup, sometimes I'm dressed up, sometimes I'm not. So this is me back raw.

Speaker 1:

And you know, sometimes I'll be talking for 15 minutes, and sometimes 25, and maybe sometimes 40. I have no idea, but all I know is that, being back by myself, it kind of gives me that freedom. And I was thinking, boy, I don't know if I'm enjoying this podcast, maybe that means it's time to stop. When I realized, instead of stopping, why don't I really think about? And for me, journaling, well, what is it that I don't like? And it was those parameters. So here I am, you and I, back together, alone, and whatever happens happens.

Speaker 1:

All right, let's get on to today's topic. I want to ask you something have you ever caught yourself spiraling into all the worst case scenarios, like your brain is playing this never-ending game of what if, and somehow it always is doom and gloom. I don't know about you, but that seems to happen to me quite often, anytime. It could be about my kids, it could be about a decision that I've made or I'm making, something that I'm scared about, and I can talk myself in or out of anything. Really, can't we all? It's all such a head game. Why do we always think about the worst? And what would happen if, instead, we flipped that script and started to believe that, instead of the worst-case scenario, that it could actually turn out better than we expected? Wow, imagine how amazing that would be.

Speaker 1:

I think about when I had to make the decision about leaving my career as a CPA and moving from New York to New Jersey to become an insurance agent and moving to an area in New Jersey that was quite rural, very different from where I grew up, very tight-knit community that I was clearly not a part of because I was just moving into it, and not to mention that I knew not one thing about insurance. I mean not one thing At that time. I think I was when I made the decision. I think I was about 30 years old and you know I was one of those people with insurance. I just did what my mother said, or I just continued on my auto insurance policy with what she had, and when people you know would ask me a question. If I got a new car, I'd be like just keep everything the same. I had no idea what any of that meant everything the same. I had no idea what any of that meant.

Speaker 1:

And here I was, leaving a job that I was very comfortable and secure in after 10 years of working with the same firm, to embark on something new. Of course, when I agreed, I was engaged to Gary, who was a salesman. He sold building supplies and plywood and lumber clearly nothing to do with insurance, but he was very comfortable with selling, which I was not, and that's how kind of the decision was made is that we could do this together and we moved and we couldn't afford to live on our own. So my friend was kind enough to let us rent free, live in her basement, which was amazing, but it was super stressful. We lived about oh, over an hour away from where our office was. Our training back then was not great, and so I'll never forget when we opened up our doors and the first person came in and they said they were buying a home and they wanted homeowner's insurance. And luckily Gary just had the gift of kind of BSing. And luckily Gary just had the gift of kind of BSing. And he did that with the guy and he said we'll get back to you tomorrow with the quote and blah, blah, blah and the guy left and we were like what the heck do we do? How do we do this? We had no idea.

Speaker 1:

It was terrifying. I was so afraid of selling somebody the wrong thing or not enough coverage, like I was beside myself. Not to mention that we had inherited some clients from an agent who had retired and every day people were calling and screaming at me thinking that I had stolen their business because their son had actually opened up an office as well. But of course they didn't realize. The company made the decision of how the retired agent's book of business was split up and so people were calling and yelling at me and telling me they were leaving and they were going back to the son and I lost about 500 clients in the first three weeks. I cried every single night. I ate myself to death.

Speaker 1:

The stress was unimaginable and in my mind the scenario was the scenario was what if I wind up with no clients, no money, no anything? I'm not going to be able to get my job back in Long Island as an accountant. And what if this was the biggest mistake of my life and I felt like I had taken we were married at that point for about a year and I felt like I had kind of dragged Gary into this whole thing and I didn't want to let my friend down because she was the one who had gotten us the opportunity, and you know, allowing us to live there rent free. The pressure was intense, I have to say. Looking back, I think it was the most pressure-packed time of my life and in the end and it didn't happen right away, I have to say it probably took about 18 months or so to really kind of settle in.

Speaker 1:

And then, of course, you know, with each passing month, year, each new scenario that was thrown our way, because things were always changing and different laws, rules and catastrophes honestly which is what you deal with in insurance were thrown at us, and so every day was just a steep learning curve and 30 years later, I can say that I have never been more grateful that I stuck something out, that I got past those what-ifs, got past those fears, because really my insurance agency and my insurance career has been one of the biggest gifts of my life and it wouldn't have happened. It wouldn't have happened if I had given in to all of those fears. And it wasn't easy. I never, I don't even remember if I ever thought about the best case scenario at that time. My default was always the worst. And you know, if that's you too, don't feel bad about it.

Speaker 1:

It's not like we have some kind of personality flaw, it's actually biology and psychology, and so we should feel kind of empowered. That it's not our quote, unquoteunquote fault, and I think I talked about this in another episode, an episode on fear, because kind of these topics are very, you know, they're relatable, they're related to each other. I should say Our brains are wired for survival, not happiness, and it had to be that way when we were cavemen, right, thousands of years ago. It's what kept us alive. Is you know not what can I say? It led us to protect ourselves, you know, from those physical threats, from the lions eating us, from you know whatever else was out there lurking. And so now, in modern day times, we take that and what it does. It often leads to us overreacting, to uncertainty, expecting that we're going to fail, expecting we're going to be disappointed, or rejection, and it's kind of a form of protecting ourselves, right, I mean think about.

Speaker 1:

I can also think about and I've talked about this like this fear of being judged when I first posted a social media video and then, when I first posted something without being prepared or not looking my best, fear of being judged or doubting ourselves with a job interview, or when you first start a relationship, I can think about, you know, always having that what-if scenario when it came to worrying about my kids, you know, as my youngest son is now getting ready to graduate from college, I just think back to when he first went. Oh, my goodness, the fear. What if he doesn't make friends? What if he doesn't get along with his roommate? What if he has nobody to sit with at, you know, mealtimes? What if? You know?

Speaker 1:

I never worried about him not doing well in school because academically he was very strong, but it was more about the social aspect of everything. What if he can't figure out I don't know how to plug in his laptop? I really wasn't worried about that. But literally every single thing that you could think of, what if I didn't teach him? I didn't feel that I had really taught him to be independent. What if he couldn't rise to that occasion Even after two years, when he moved with his friends into an apartment, I thought now he's going to be responsible for his own meals. Does he know what to do, how to cook, how to shop? You know, I don't really give him that training. What if, you know, he starves to death, even though, come on, I knew that wasn't going to happen? I guess, maybe what if he just kills himself by eating too much junk food? Maybe what if he just kills himself by eating too much junk food?

Speaker 1:

All of this worry, you know you think that you're preparing yourself right, like you're already going to experience it. You're going to worry about it ahead of time so you'll be prepared when that bad thing actually happens. And I can tell you that it's not true. You think that you're going to be safer by running through these scenarios in your mind. You've already figured it out, and I can think about when my husband Gary got his diagnosis that he had incurable blood cancer. In my mind, you know. Come on, let's be real. What was I thinking? What's going to happen? How's he going to die? When's he going to die? How am I going to feel? What am I going to do? And tried to, you know, put myself in those situations and figuring it all out and, oh my gosh, the mental energy, the stress, the emotion. I can tell you that none of that prepared me for what actually happened, how it actually went down and how I felt after he died actually went down and how I felt after he died. No, worrying, no, trying to play out the what if every single scenario, none of it did any good. You know what? All it did was make me live through it or live through different scenarios that never even happened before it happened. It's like I had to experience it twice.

Speaker 1:

Think about I want you to think about something that I don't know last year, last month, recently, that you were deeply anxious about. How did it actually turn out? Was it as bad as you feared? I don't have the statistics in front of me in one of my presentations I know it's a talking point. I think there was a study done again. I don't remember, but it's something like approximately 85% of the things that we worry about never happen. And out of let's say that 15 percent, it's such a small percentage again, let's just say it's three to five percent that if they do happen, they're not as bad as we expected them to be? And how does it happen? It's like that what if? What if you have one negative thought and then that triggers another negative thought? What if I don't get the job? What if I never get hired? What if I lose all my money? What if I lose my house?

Speaker 1:

This spiral is so powerful, but so is our ability to catch it, but so is our ability to catch it, and I think that it takes time, and the more practice that we have, the faster we are able to catch it. I don't know if it ever goes away, especially since it's something that is ingrained in us as humans, but our ability to stop ourselves, catch ourselves and say to ourselves, when you notice, is this fear, is this scenario, is this fact, or is this something I'm just making up in my head? Because, as we know, chances are we're all making it up in our heads. So what if? And I think that I heard another podcast mention this and I think, when they were talking about it, I noticed and I wish I could have, could remember, because it wasn't that long ago. That's why I'm talking about it today, because it was on my mind what I was thinking about at the time, but I realized I was. I was doing it, I was catastrophizing. And how come we never think to swap it and use the what if? In hopeful, empowering ways, like what if this turns out better than I ever imagined, which is really what my whole insurance career happened? What if this experience helps me grow into exactly who I'm meant to be be?

Speaker 1:

For me, it started my speaking career started with a volunteer job where I had to get up and speak in front of 150 people and I was so terrified that I didn't agree to take the president position because there was no way Fear was stopping me. And when I finally decided not to allow it to stop me anymore and I got up and I spoke in front of those 150 people and I saw the impact, my message delivered and got that feedback after my talk was over, I thought, wow, that was amazing and I want more of this. I think that I have a gift for this and if I hadn't faced my fear, I never would be talking to you right now, I would never be speaking on stages, I would never have probably written books or explored anything that I've explored over the last decade, and it was only because I faced my fear. Here's another one what if something amazing is right around the corner waiting for me? You hear all these stories and you think, mill, I don't know what you think I shouldn't say that I think. Sometimes I think, oh, lucky them right, that can never happen to me. Of course it can happen to me and it can happen to you and it happens to all of us and I'm sure it has.

Speaker 1:

If you look back at times in your life where something exciting and unexpected happened to you out of the blue, all right, if you possibly can right now, if you're sitting down or at a desk or with your phone, or if not, come back to this later. This part of the podcast I'm about 20 minutes in. Oh, I guess I'm really like on that 30-minute mark. I guess that's built into my DNA. Now, anyhow, I want you to write down three times when something in your life turned out better than you expected. You got it. Write down three times in your life that something turned out better than you expected. It could be something small or big a trip, a conversation, a relationship, an outcome that you feared, that surprised you. Like I just described, our brain needs reminders that the best case scenario is just as possible as the worst Kind of reminds me of my maybe I can list Something similar that I've talked about before, which is writing down all the times that you thought that you couldn't do something and you actually did Same thing, similar thing. So write down three times that something in your life turned out better than you expected. And I would say to you, just like the maybe I can list, keep that list somewhere accessible and keep it going, keep adding to that list and when you find yourself in that, what if spiral towards fear and catastrophe? Pull out that list and remind you. Oh no, it does not have to be that way. It's so much better.

Speaker 1:

If I think about what if the best thing happens, the best possible outcome, something else that you can do is you know you don't have to feel confident to act confidently, which is interesting. So if you were confident, what would you do differently today if you assumed that things were actually going to work out? Maybe it's sending an email, making a call, walking into a room that scares you, but you walk in with your head held higher with confidence. Higher with confidence. The more we try and control the outcome which, oh man, I am so guilty of that it just feels. You know, let me think of everything that I can do.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I've done this so many times and, I have to say, especially in my kids' lives. As I was just reminiscing about something with Sam, my oldest son, and thinking about when he didn't get a part in a middle school play and I remember I didn't even tell him this how I went crazy and, oh, went to the school and went to the principal and went, because there was a lot behind it. It wasn't just a mom who felt like her kid was, you know, the most talented, it was more about that. I felt, because of his special needs, that he was being passed by, because maybe he was a little more challenging to deal with than the person who was cast in the role. And the more we tighten our grip, we block the magic. I have to remind myself of that every day. I don't think I'm a control freak, but I'm pretty darn close.

Speaker 1:

And letting go isn't about giving up. It really is about opening up to possibilities. Maybe there's possibilities that are even better than we imagined and if we're holding on trying to control everything, those possibilities are not going to be able to come true, come through. You know, fear is natural, but it doesn't have to be in charge, in charge Most of our worries. As I said, they don't happen, and I am begging you to flip that script from what if all goes wrong to what if it turns out better than I expected. Try that exercise, try that exercise. List those three things. List more things than three things.

Speaker 1:

So let me ask you what's one area in your life right now where you're expecting the worst? Come on, be honest with yourself. Be honest with yourself, be honest with yourself and now think about how would it feel to flip that script and imagine it turning out better than you ever dreamed. I want you to keep thinking about that best case scenario over and over and over again. As much as you can, journal about it, close your eyes and picture it, feel it. It'll happen.

Speaker 1:

I'm telling you, once we start to think about the exciting possibilities that are out there and leave our fear behind, our lives honestly change, because we're not walking around, you know, weighed down by all the catastrophes that we think are waiting for us. Instead, we're flipping our mindset and thinking about all the beautiful possibilities that are waiting out there for all of us to experience. So I am asking you, please I'd love to hear what you think. I'd love to hear if you feel like sharing. I'd love to hear what is it that you've been worried about, thinking about the worst-case scenarios, and how can you flip the switch? Flip the squids, flip the script, flip the switch. I can't even say it. You know what I'm saying. Let's start telling ourselves a better story. Okay, is that a deal? I'm going to do it. I want you to do it too, and until next time, I want you to keep believing in what's possible. And don't forget I know that maybe you can Talk to you next week.

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Debbie Weiss

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