Maybe I Can® with Debbie Weiss
You have the power to change your life regardless of your circumstances. With over 50 years of experience dealing with some of life’s toughest challenges, Debbie is an expert in chasing your own dreams in spite of your circumstances. She is an entrepreneur, inspirational speaker, family caregiver and mother. She has overcome her own limiting beliefs and fears allowing her to begin to live her best life and her life’s passion is to help and inspire others to do the same. In her spare time, Debbie loves to laugh, dance, read and stay active. Recently widowed, Debbie is still following her dreams and wants you to follow yours. You are on this journey together. Every Wednesday, Debbie will share some ideas to help inspire and motivate women to live the life you want. Debbie will also introduce you to those that have helped her on her journey, as well as share other women's stories of inspiration. To learn more about Debbie or to reach out with any questions or episode ideas, please visit www.debbierweiss.com
Maybe I Can® with Debbie Weiss
Ep. 124: No One Is Coming To Save You
Hi, I'm Debbie Weiss and in this episode of the Maybe I Can podcast, we delve into the empowering realization that no one is coming to save you. While it might sound harsh, it's incredibly liberating. I share my personal journey and examples of when I expected someone or something to change my life.
Whether it's waiting for the right partner, a dream job, more money, or even a miracle, these external dependencies keep us stuck. Instead, I encourage taking small actions to move towards your goals.
From updating your LinkedIn profile to buying clothes that make you feel good now, I offer actionable steps to take control of your life. Remember, you've always had the power; you just need to recognize it. Join me as I challenge you to take one small step today towards becoming your own rescue story.
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Hello and welcome to the Maybe I Can podcast. I'm your host, debbie Weiss, and welcome back, or welcome for the first time, to the show. I appreciate you tuning in. Today we're going to talk about the fact that no one is coming to save you. Now that might sound a little harsh, but actually it's the most empowering thing that you can realize. We're talking about why waiting for someone else to rescue you keeps you stuck and how learning to count on yourself can completely change your life. So what is this? No one is coming to save you.
Speaker 1:You might not even realize that you think that way. I know that I never thought like that. I mean, when I hear that sentence, it makes me think about. Like that, I'm waiting for Superman or the knight in shining armor to gallop up to my door and take away all my troubles. Now, that would be lovely, but really I kind of know, unfortunately, that life is not a fairy tale. So it's not like I'm actively thinking any of those things, and that might be you as well. You might be thinking what is she talking about? So let me give you some examples and see if they resonate with you, and it might not be exactly this particular thing that I'm going to say. But you know, try and use those as examples and see if you can think of anything in your own life similar that you're telling yourself Okay, here we go, when I meet the right partner, then I'll finally feel whole.
Speaker 1:I have to say I remember I was 29 years old. I was not dating anyone and really I had one very close friend that was already married. I had two friends, close friends, that weren't so. It's not like I was in some kind of rush to get married, but I always had this longing and maybe, if you're into astrology I'm a Libra like I need a partner. That is just who I am. I like being and working with other people, and I know that I always felt I don't want to say that I'd finally feel whole. But I don't know, maybe that is what I was thinking and I later learned that is definitely not the case.
Speaker 1:Okay, here's another one. Oh boy, this is another one that resonates with me. If my spouse would just change, everything would get better. How about when thinking about your career? When I get that dream job, then I'll be happy. Or if my boss would just notice my hard work, then things would improve. When I finally make more money, I'll feel secure and successful. If I win the lottery, all my problems will go away. I've definitely thought about that before. Who else has said, okay, if I win the lottery, what would I do with that money? And then in your mind you're running through the things that you would pay off and then the money that you'd maybe give to family or to charity or what you would buy Like, oh my gosh, I've gone through that scenario more times than I'd like to admit.
Speaker 1:If my friends were more understanding, I wouldn't feel so alone. When my parents finally support me, I'll feel confident. If I just get one big break, then everything else will fall into place. Once I lose weight, then I'll finally love myself. If you've listened to me, you know for me that I don't think I realized that I didn't love myself.
Speaker 1:I think at the time I thought, once I lose weight I really thought my life would be perfect. Like it was all my weight's fault, not mine. My weight, it was like a separate part of me and if that would be fixed then my life would be wonderful. When the kids are older, then I'll focus on myself. Kids are older, then I'll focus on myself. I think, boy. That is such a common one for so many women who are running in all these different directions and are caring for their kids, and possibly, maybe you know your elderly parents and you're working and doing all the household stuff.
Speaker 1:Actually, just before it's Sunday that I'm recording this podcast and just before I clicked record, I was vacuuming, plucking dead leaves off a plant, emptying the dishwasher, changing the laundry, and I thought to myself, oh my gosh, I hate this. I hate, hate, hate housework. And now I totally lost my train of thought. But, oh yeah, because we are so busy doing all the things right, all the tasks that we have to do, all the things that I need to do for to take care of somebody else, I had to run to the pharmacy, go to the supermarket. I just placed an order online, you know, drive a kid somewhere, whatever it is. And we think to ourselves what choice do I have? I don't have any time. So I've just got to wait for the kids to get older and really we can say, after the holidays, after the summer, after the new year, after my birthday, after vacation, whatever it is, that's when I'll start.
Speaker 1:If the universe would just send me a miracle, then I'll act All these things. In a way, they're comforting because it takes the onus off of you, right? It's like, well, there's nothing I can do about any of these things right now. I have to wait until something happens or somebody does something in order to change my life. It's giving away your power and it delays you actually taking action because you convince yourself that someone's coming to save me, some circumstances going to change and it's going to change everything. And that is so not the case.
Speaker 1:You know, for so long my husband, before he passed away and before he was diagnosed with terminal blood cancer, and then he passed away six months later. But prior to that, years prior to that, he had a lot of medical issues and psychological issues and I kept thinking, you know which, with each issue, illness, whatever that really I was trying to tackle, because he was not a real active participant. So I was the one making the appointments, finding the specialists, dragging him out of bed to get him there, and I would tell myself, oh, things will get better once Gary gets this under control. And if I could just get into see if this one doctor for Gary two months from now, that's when things will change. And so that kept happening and happening and really it happened for years and I thought, well, there's nothing I can do until he feels better, and it's my job to get him to feel better. And so I'm going to take all these steps and that's all I focused on.
Speaker 1:I never thought that, wow, if I wanted something to change in my life, I can do it now. I don't have to wait until Gary starts to feel better. I it took me a long time to realize that. It took me a very long time to realize that. And then when I did, you know honestly what came with it Guilt, right Guilt of caring for myself, especially when I had a sick husband again, even before he was diagnosed with cancer, and I had a family and a job and employees and all the things. And you know how am I supposed to change my life? I didn't even know I really wanted to change my life. I mean, I guess I did. I was under so much stress and I wanted that to be relieved, but I couldn't figure out a way to relieve the stress because I kept thinking well, the stress will get relieved when, when Gary is feeling better and back to himself, when I start to make more money, when you know same thing with me when my kids are older, when and I was just putting things off and really what I was doing was kind of accepting the status quo, right, telling myself this story that there was nothing that I can do, and honestly, this is really this realization when I realized, deb, you're lying to yourself, you're making excuses, you can't count on any of these things happening. You have to decide for yourself. What is it that you want, what do you want your life to look at, look like, and what can you do to move yourself in that direction? And what can you do to move yourself in that direction?
Speaker 1:And I've said this quote before. It is one of my favorite quotes that I didn't even realize until about five years ago what it actually meant, and it's from Glinda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz, before Wicked, before the whole thing, when she said You've always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself. And that changed my life. When I read that quote you know all the other times that I heard that quote prior it was like oh yeah, dorothy, you just had to click your heels three times and say there's no place like home and you'd get there. And if you knew that at the beginning, you could have gotten there at the start. We wouldn't even have the Wizard of Oz movie, and that's what I thought it meant. But it means so much more and it's the same thing here. It's the same premise and that's really what started me down the path of personal development and taking responsibility for my life. And since I have started to take responsibility for my life, it has changed in every way.
Speaker 1:I'm doing things I would never have imagined, just like I'm talking to you now in my wildest dreams. I never thought that would be the case. I never thought that I would write books. I never thought that I'd be standing up speaking in front of audiences. It's crazy. It's crazy, but it all happened because I realized I have to make it happen, and that's what I want for you. I have to make it happen and that's what I want for you. That is really the crux of my message, because I felt that if I was 50 something years old, fairly intelligent and that idea never dawned on me that there must be other people out there like myself who are thinking somebody, something has to change and then my life will improve Wrong, you take control right now and do something.
Speaker 1:And the best thing that you can do is take action, and it does not have to be big action. I think that's why it can be so overwhelming when you think, oh my gosh, this is what I want, but I am so far from that point I have no idea how to even get there. So you do nothing, you're frozen. It's that first tiny action, and when you take a little action, you're like, oh okay, that wasn't so bad, what else can I do? So let me give you, based on some of those quote unquote excuses that I gave you before, some ideas of little action that you can take.
Speaker 1:So if you're waiting for that right partner to feel whole, write down five things you love about yourself today, not tied to anyone else's opinion. That can be hard, but it's so empowering so empowering when you take the time to recognize all the amazing things about yourself that you know what, even when you have a partner, it's not going to make you feel whole, and it's taken me a lifetime to realize. No, I have to love myself. I can't truly love anyone else or be loved by anyone else until I really love myself, and so reminding yourself why you're so lovable is the first step. So write down five things you love about yourself today. All right, if you're waiting for that dream job to feel successful, a tiny action you could take is update your LinkedIn profile or make a list of three small skills that you can start learning this week. I'm always telling my son who's graduating from college nowadays just go on LinkedIn. They have all these free courses. You can go on free YouTube videos. There's so many different things that you can do to start to move you in the direction of that dream job, even though you feel like right now it's so out of reach. Just starting to do that small steps will create a feeling of momentum and realize you don't have to wait for them to find you. You take the steps to go out and find that dream job, all right.
Speaker 1:Number three waiting to lose weight before loving yourself. Oh boy, you know I could basically write another book on this topic, but I love this. One tiny action you can take is go out and buy a piece of clothing that fits and flatters you today, instead of punishing yourself, thinking about those someday clothes, right? Oh well, when I lose this much, when I'm this size, then I'll be able to wear that outfit. No, don't do that. You should feel good the way you are today. I don't care what weight it is If you walk around. When I was young and you know, didn't feel good about myself. All I ever wore were oversized, kind of gross sweatshirts and baggy jeans. I thought that that would like hide my body and that was a big mistake and I didn't feel good. I didn't feel good in those clothes. So don't wait. Go out and wear something. Buy something that makes you feel great when you're wearing it.
Speaker 1:Number four wait for more money to feel secure. How about open a savings account and transfer just $5 into it, even if it's just once? But even if you do that once, couldn't you eke out $5 a week to transfer into that savings account? And I know it's small in the beginning, but you know what it adds up over time and maybe you play a little game with yourself All right, I did $5 this week, but you know what, next week I'm not going to go to Starbucks and buy that latte. I'm going to take that money and I'm going to add that to the savings. And now I'm going to put in $10 this week and next week $15 and so on and so forth. It's again. It's building the habit of taking care of your future, and it doesn't matter how small the amount is. Just the fact that you're going to get started will set you on a different trajectory.
Speaker 1:How about waiting for the perfect time after the holidays, after the kids grow up, after vacation? All of that, if that's where you're at. Spend just 10 minutes today working on a personal goal, even if it's just brainstorming ideas. So, whatever that is that you're waiting to do after that perfect time, sit down and what could you do to work on it, to start working on it, even if it's brainstorming ideas. Make a list and then, once you have that list, start to take those teeny actions. Make sure they're small actions that you can do, and I'm telling you, this is literally little single step, little single sprinkle at a time. This is how I changed my life, and you can absolutely do the same.
Speaker 1:Okay, so before I wrap up, I want to leave you with a mini challenge. Pick one area where you've been waiting, waiting for someone to notice you, for the perfect time or conditions. Take one tiny action today. Again, it doesn't have to be huge. It could be writing down an idea, making a phone call, whatever fits where you are right now. The point is move toward your life. You don't have to have it all figured out, you don't have to do it perfectly, you just have to start. So give yourself permission to start imperfectly and celebrate the small wins. You're doing it. You are doing it. You are your own greatest rescue story, and that's a beautiful thing. You've got this, and just real quick.
Speaker 1:If today's message really hits home for you, I want you to know you don't have to do it alone. I have books, a course, and I'm actually thinking about reigniting a small group coaching program to help support you even more. It was very successful in the past and I put it on pause for a variety of reasons, but I'm feeling called to go back to that, because when you're working with other people who are all trying to change their lives and you're there supporting each other You're there supporting each other there's really nothing better to propel you to that next level so much faster than if you were doing it on your own, and so I want to be there to create that community. So if you're interested, please send me a DM on Instagram, debbierweiss, or send me an email at debbie, at debbiereweisscom. I'd love to hear from you and see what you think and if you're a good fit. Thanks for hanging out with me today. I hope this sprinkle of truth inspired you to see your own strength a little more clearly. Until next time.
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