Ep. 126: The Weight Of Unfinished Things

Have you ever felt totally drained before your day even starts? I’ve been there—and it turns out, the biggest energy zapper isn’t always what we think. In this episode, I’m sharing how things like clutter, unfinished tasks, and all those mental “to-dos” can quietly weigh us down and keep us stuck in survival mode.

From unpacked boxes to nagging decisions, I open up about my own experience with these open loops—and how finally addressing them gave me the clarity and energy to move forward. I’ll walk you through simple shifts that can make a big impact, one small choice at a time.

In this episode, I talk about:

• How unmade decisions steal your focus
• Why clutter is more than just physical mess
• The moment I realized I was carrying more than I needed to
• Small actions that helped me feel lighter and more in control

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or stuck, I promise—you’re not alone. And there is a way out.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Personal Reflections
• 3:22 The Impact of Incompletes and Messes
• 8:02 How Energy Drains Accumulate
• 12:23 Taking Action to Clean Up Messes
• 15:51 Examples of Common Energy Drains
• 18:34 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

I'm your host, debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today. As I record this, it's a beautiful Saturday afternoon here in New Jersey after many, many days of rain, and I was out shopping for an outfit this morning for a keynote speech that I'm giving in June. So you know, I don't know why I feel the need to share this with you, but I do. If you're watching on YouTube, as I'm sure you can see, I haven't showered. My hair is a mess, even worse than usual, because I've been just putting things you know on and off over my head in the dressing room. And I came home and I thought you know, I thought about this yesterday. I don't know why it popped into my head. I just have such a need to share it. I wanted to yesterday but there was just too. Oh, I know, because I had to drive down to my son's school because he got a wonderful award and I wish I could remember the name, but it was basically an honor for top GPA and teacher recommendation and all these other things for an economics major. There was about maybe four other kids who got it, so it was really cool. So I went down and back yesterday.

Speaker 1: 1:23

So the reason I share with you what I look like is because I reflect and I think to myself, gosh, how much I have changed. Because in the beginning and I think I mentioned this a few podcasts ago oh, my gosh, when I first started, I wouldn't record anything until I looked good and I knew exactly what I was going to say and I had my makeup on and my hair done and you can only imagine how difficult it was for me to make a video. And when I let all that go, because I don't know about you, I can't stand going on someone's page and they are always perfect. They're always perfect. And I have to tell you I, and maybe you too, I'm guessing, because we're human yeah, there's a few days a week that maybe I'm looking my best, but for the most part I'm not and I don't really care anymore. I mean, sure, I don't want to go out looking, you know, awful, but I don't know. Something happens with age where you just don't care as much. You want to look at me, you want to judge me, you want to draw conclusions? Have at it. It makes no difference to me, because I know who I am. I'm comfortable in who I am. It took me 61 years to get here, but now that I'm here, I have no reason to apologize.

Speaker 1: 2:51

So, with that said, I don't know if this really has something about my topic today. Maybe it does. It's going to be short and sweet because it's something kind of so basic, but once I finally embraced it, it really does make a difference and I think I'm sharing it. And it popped into my head because I realize it's something that I need to readdress and that is cleaning up our incompletes and messes. Incompletes and messes what do I mean by that? I mean little things that you have been putting off. It could be something about your physical space, it could be something about your emotional space, something with a relationship, some kind of energetic clutter.

Speaker 1: 3:41

But I, growing up, was a slob. I'd say Mom, if you're listening, happy birthday. I was a slob. My mother used to always go crazy and I'd get annoyed and say just close the door and don't look. And it was always how could you live like that? And I don't know it was easier than hanging up my clothes or putting it in the right place or putting my laundry away, like just live out of the laundry basket, that kind of thing.

Speaker 1: 4:15

And it took me many years when I I think probably when I first had my own apartment that I started to take pride in my surroundings and I realized, just like you know, it was almost like well, nobody's going to tell me anymore that I don't need to make my bed. But what I learned is when I do make my bed, which is practically every day Of course today I didn't because I rushed out the door because I was late but I don't feel good the days I don't make my bed. Now I just walked upstairs to put something up in my room and I looked at that bed, all disheveled and it kind of it's this little feeling, it's not this overpowering. Oh, my goodness, my day is ruined because of my bed, or I'm thinking of physical things. Right now, my day is ruined because every time that I walk in, I look at this little like counter or desk on.

Speaker 1: 5:19

I still call it my side. You know, gary had a side and this is in our kitchen. Gary had a side and I had a side. So I look at my spot on my side. You know, gary had a side and this is in our kitchen. Gary had a side and I had a side. So I look at my spot on my side and I'm like the magazines are starting to pile up or I'm starting to stack things. And that little stack, you know when you just put one thing on it and then it all like slides down so no, it's no longer in a neat stack. Or you open up the drawer to grab a scissor or a rubber band or whatever you know your junk drawer and you can't find it because there's so much crap shoved in there that you can't find anything.

Speaker 1: 6:01

And all of these little things. They're like, oh gosh, once my Sam, my son's therapist, when he was a teenager and I can't remember exactly what it was. But this visual comes to mind Think of like a round styrofoam ball, and each of those little things, those little annoyances that you are not taking care of, poke a little hole, like a little. Think about putting a pin in that styrofoam ball and it starts to add up All those little under-the-surface pinpricks. Little under-the-surface pinpricks. They're draining your energy, whether you realize it or not.

Speaker 1: 6:48

I do this all the time with emails. I'll be like on my phone I'll look at an email and I'll think, oh, I, either I don't know what to say, so let me think about it later, or I don't have the time. Let me just see what else is in that email, in this 10-minute window that I have, and either I forget about it or then I go back to my desk later or the next day and I think, oh my gosh, I can't believe, I can't even like start what I wanted to work on, because I really should be answering these emails, because I really should be answering these emails. Think about that feeling, as opposed to sitting down and opening up my computer and everything is fresh, no way Big numbers in my inbox, which I always seem to have, no, nothing pressing Like I have taken care of everything. It's like a clean, blank slate. It's that just, it's this feeling of calm and it's almost, like you know, it clutters your mind. All of these things, these little annoyances, these little pinpricks, they're draining our energy. Little annoyances, these little pinpricks, they're draining our energy. So by the time I sit down to record this podcast or today, whatever I was going to have all this other stuff I was going to work on, I first have to either look at that email list or the junk that's around here that maybe, if you're listening, you can't see. And of course, you can't see it because I try not to keep it in view if you're watching online, but if it's, I can see it out of my eye. It's disturbing, it's distracting, and they start to add up how about all the unfinished home repairs?

Speaker 1: 8:37

I, oh gosh, it was probably. I know it was after Gary died, because I remember that I had to FaceTime my brother. I got, I couldn't open the screen door from my laundry room into my garage and I only come in my house really through my garage and I couldn't get in Something with the lock. It got jammed and my brother was on the phone with me trying to get me to bust open the door. I eventually did it, but he told me, get some tape and block off the lock so it can't lock itself. And so I found some black electrical tape and I tape tape taped and you could imagine how attractive this is. Every single time I walk into my house there's this door that doesn't close, with black electrical tape hanging off because it's still the same tape. I guess I did a pretty good job. Now it just hangs off a little bit that I just I must look at it every day and I don't even notice the undercurrent of what's that doing to me?

Speaker 1: 9:42

First I see the door with the black electrical tape. Then I walk into the house and I see my side with the stack that's starting to fall down. And then I look in my laundry room and I see a pileup of laundry or laundry that I didn't take upstairs right, and it starts to add up. It starts to drain my energy it really does and it's almost like I can't move forward, or I can't move forward in. As you know, I can't show up in a way that I would have if I didn't have all these nuisances.

Speaker 1: 10:27

None of them seem like a big deal. Right, maybe it's a conversation that you're avoiding? Oh boy, I have done this a lot of times, with friends for sure, with team members that I need to have a tough conversation with, but I can't bring myself to do it, and so all I'm doing is thinking about it, and these aren't like those types of things at least for me, aren't equivalent to my messy side in the kitchen. These are really weighing on me, and you know, about two years ago I remember I was having that situation with one of my team members and I really thought to myself nope, I am not going to let this drag on and before I could think about it, I called her in and I just boom, said it, and I can't tell you how great I felt after that was over. I didn't have to walk around for days or weeks, or sometimes months, worried about this and then feeling stressed every time I saw her and something happened and I was annoyed and I didn't have the conversation A whole thing. It's like it's mentally distracting, annoyed and I didn't have the conversation a whole thing. It's like it's mentally distracting.

Speaker 1: 11:52

How can you focus when you have, like all of these messes going on around you? So this is why taking the time to clean up our messes or things that aren't complete are a huge help to us. They're kind of like clearing the space. It's like and I'm not an artist, but I can only visualize what do you do. You know you clear the space around you to make, you know, make room for all of your paints or chalks or your canvas or whatever it is. You're not like doing it in a bunch of slop around you. It just oh, it's like just thinking about it. You know, it just makes me take a deep breath and kind of makes me smile. How do we do this.

Speaker 1: 12:35

First of all, if you're not driving, I need you to really make a list. What things ask yourself? What am I tolerating? What do I keep thinking about? But I'm not doing it, I'm not acting on it. Make a list. Make a list. Are there conversations like I just said that you need to have? Maybe it's something that you know with relationships. It's setting boundaries with someone, forgiving someone, and that's another big one. Honestly, when I was thinking about this, I wasn't thinking. You know, to me that's a big thing to work on. I'm just saying I think it's easier to start with some of these physical or electronic things. It could also be how many apps you have on your phone, my photo library.

Speaker 1: 13:33

I thought about this yesterday. Oh, I just don't click favorites, I don't create an album. Then I can't go find something. I don't go back and delete All these videos that I make for social media. I just record them and then I never go back and delete them. I don't need them again, god knows. I don't want to watch them. I'm tired of seeing and listening to myself.

Speaker 1: 13:54

So make that list and then every day, what's one incomplete I can clean up today? Don't make it overwhelming, you know if it's too much, you have to break it down. It's just like anything that we've talked about. It can feel overwhelming, especially if you make a list and you have 30 things on the list and you think, oh, forget it, I'm never getting this done. And let me tell you, you get it done and new ones pop up, and that's okay, because once we're aware of it, once we see how good it feels to actually clean up our messes, then it's something you want more. Cleaning up just one drunk drawer takes 10 minutes and wait until you see how good you feel and you know what's going to happen. You clean up that one drawer and if you happen to have another 5 or ten minutes, you are on to the next. Because you want that feeling. I love that feeling when I walk into my bedroom and my bed is all made and everything's in the right place and my pretty decorative pillows are placed lovingly on the bed. It feels good, it's calming, it calms us.

Speaker 1: 15:11

We don't realize, like I said, those little pinpricks. Think about, over time, the tens, of hundreds of thousands of pinpricks and eventually, what? What happens to that styrofoam ball? There are holes everywhere. Your energy is draining out of every pore of that styrofoam ball. So we can't let this happen. It's something that we really need to pay attention to. Please let me give you some other examples before I close it out.

Speaker 1: 15:51

Okay, how about unpaid bills or ignored financial paperwork, a medical bill or a subscription charge? Oh my goodness, I just had this, actually, with my cable company. I tried to do something to get one of the charges for a subscription service off and the cable company told me that I purchased it somewhere else. I don't remember what they told me, and then I went to somewhere else and they said no, you got to go back to the cable company. And so what I do? I got frustrated and I ignored it. And then I'm looking at my bill, thinking why did it go up? And I get reminded there's that darn $10 charge. So you know what? The other day I couldn't stand it 40 minutes on the phone and, to be honest, I still don't really know if she resolved it, the woman that I spoke to. But I'm going to stay positive and I'll see when I get my next bill, but hopefully I finally handled it. Hopefully I finally handled it.

Speaker 1: 16:52

How about unreturned calls, texts and emails? I already talked about cluttered or disorganized spaces, junk drawers, closets, your car and your email box, unfinished home projects, a leaky faucet, you know, for me, actually, one of the lights in. I needed to replace a light bulb in my bathroom. One of the lights in. I needed to replace a light bulb in my bathroom. And every day I go to get ready and I'm like, you know, it's just not as bright in here, and I look up and I think, oh yeah, I got to see where I put that light bulb, but I haven't done it yet. There you go, there's an incomplete. I need to take care of Conversations.

Speaker 1: 17:25

You've been avoiding commitments you've made, but you haven't kept that commitment yet. I got one of them I just noticed in my email box. How about health-related procrastination? I'm going to make that doctor's appointment. I just don't have time now because probably you're afraid to go to the doctor. I would be more afraid of not going to the doctor or starting a new healthy habit Drink more water, eat more fruit. All that Overdue thank yous or acknowledgments, unmade decisions Ooh, that's a good one.

Speaker 1: 18:00

That takes up a lot of brain power. I mean, should I leave this job? Should I start this project? Should I break up with my boyfriend and the digital clutter, as I already mentioned. These are just a few examples. If you didn't already download my free kickstart guide which of course, I should have checked because I can't remember the exact title, but it's how to kickstart changing your life, and I know that in that guide there's an area for you to list all of these incompletes. So it's free. Just go to debbyrweisscom, forward slash, kickstart and grab your copy. I would love to hear Maybe you've come up with an incomplete or a mess that I haven't mentioned. Please email me at debbie at debbiereweisscom, or DM me on Instagram at debbierweiss. What mess will you clean up today? I'd love to know. Thanks for tuning in. See you next time.