Maybe I Can® with Debbie Weiss

Ep. 127: Turning Pain Into Purpose with Lena Wilson

• Debbie Weiss • Episode 127

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In today’s powerful episode, I’m joined by the incredible Lena Wilson—a speaker, coach, and compassionate guide for women navigating life after loss, divorce, and major life transitions. Lena shares her deeply personal journey of rediscovering who she was after the end of her marriage, and how she learned to embrace her own voice, desires, and purpose in midlife.

We talk about the challenges so many women face when life doesn’t go as planned—especially when you’ve spent years caring for others, only to wake up one day wondering who you are. Lena’s story is raw, relatable, and filled with wisdom that will leave you feeling seen and inspired.

In this episode, we dive into:
✨ The identity crisis that can come after divorce or caregiving
✨ Learning to give yourself permission to dream again
✨ The small but mighty steps Lena took to rebuild her confidence
✨ Why saying “maybe I can” is the bravest first step toward change

Whether you’re newly single, adjusting to an empty nest, or simply feeling stuck in a season of uncertainty, this conversation will remind you that it’s never too late to rewrite your story. Lena's words are a gentle nudge toward hope and action.

🎙️ This is more than just a podcast—it’s a reminder that you’re not alone. And if you’ve been waiting for a sign to begin again… this is it.

✨ Connect with Lena Wilson:
Website: https://www.lenawilson.com/

Instagram:  
https://www.instagram.com/coachlenawilson/

- Lena's Free Resources -

Career Transition Guide with an actionable Worksheet https://www.lenawilson.com/career-transition-guide

6 Tips To Help You Navigate Change https://www.lenawilson.com/6-tips

NEW! The Sprinkle Effect Book!
https://www.debbierweiss.com/thesprinkleeffect


***NEW FREE WORKBOOK**

Kickstart Your New Life with One Critical Step: A Practical Guide for Women Ready to Redefine Their Paths and Embrace New Beginnings.

DOWNLOAD HERE TODAY: https://www.debbierweiss.com/kickstart


MAYBE I CAN BEGIN TO CHANGE MY LIFE Enrollment is now OPEN

This transformative six-module journey of self-discovery and empowerment includes a printable worksheet and offers lifetime access to all materials. Designed for those facing major life crossroads or simply seeking greater fulfillment, this course is your path to a more purposeful life.

LEARN MORE HERE: https://www.debbierweiss.com/beginchange


Work with Debbie! See all the ways you can work with Debbie to help you live the life you know you're meant for: https://www.debbierweiss.com/workwithdebbie


On Second Thought... Maybe I Can Book on Amazon: https://bit.ly/maybeIcanbook


Morning Sprinkles of Goodness: Download your copy of this free guide to help you kickstart your day. Grab it here: ...

Speaker 1:

Hi everyone and welcome back to the Maybe I Can podcast. I'm your host, debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today. I am very excited to be joined by a wonderful guest who I recently met, and she's a bright light, as you will soon see and learn. Her name is Lena Wilson and she's a dynamic transition coach, three-time author and CEO of Real Inspiration LLC. With 25 years of corporate HR experience, she empowers individuals and organizations to navigate change with clarity, confidence and strategy. Her work focuses on career and life transitions, leadership development, psychological safety and wellness from within. Known for her warm presence and transformational insight, lina helps midlife professionals turn uncertainty into opportunity and she supports leaders in being trusted voices during seasons of change. She is the creator of the Transition Blueprint, a signature framework guiding audiences to reframe setbacks, reclaim their voice and reignite their next chapter with purpose. Lina is passionate about empowering others to not just survive through change, but to thrive through it.

Speaker 1:

Born in the US, lina was adopted at the age of two and grew up on the beautiful island of Trinidad and Tobago. She now lives in Central Florida with her husband and teenage daughter, lina. Welcome to the show. And do you say Tobago or Tobago? We?

Speaker 2:

actually say Tobago.

Speaker 1:

Debbie, you know I was going to say that and then I thought I don't know.

Speaker 2:

Trust your instincts, so thank you so much for having me. I'm delighted to be here.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you for joining me. I just you know, when you and I met a week or so ago and we were chatting, some of the things that I asked you or we talked about, you literally said almost exact sentences that would come out of my mouth. So I definitely feel like you and I are on the same page.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we have a great connection.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, absolutely. So let me start with asking the same question that I ask all my guests Can you tell us about a time when you went from a defeated I can't attitude to an empowered? Maybe I can mindset.

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. Yeah, I have a couple that come to mind. My first one that comes to mind is really my divorce. But let's stay there for a little bit, because that's one of the most significant transitions that I've experienced in my life and I remember when everything kind of crumbled, I remember feeling quite defeated and I, unfortunately I was in this victim mindset for a minute there because I was like why did this happen to me?

Speaker 2:

I don't understand. And I really sat in this very dark space and I felt like I was the victim of you know, something horrible that had happened to me and felt quite defeated in that space. And, as a result of feeling defeated, I did absolutely nothing to help my life kind of progress and heal and go beyond the pain of what had happened. And then, and at the time when I had gotten separated, my daughter, who's now a teen, she's she was only 10 months old at the time and so I am trying to navigate this very dark space. I'm a new mom with this baby girl and I'm just thinking why did this happen to me?

Speaker 2:

And then one day, as she started to walk and she's starting to talk a little bit, I realized that I owed it to her to be the best possible mom that I can be, and that epiphany really helped me to realize that, hey, you've got to pull yourself out of this and no one can do that for you.

Speaker 2:

I was responsible. I wasn't responsible for the pain and the hurt, but I was absolutely responsible for my healing and for doing the work. And that shifted from that victim mindset to really doing a lot of the hard mindset work and really understanding that life unfortunately comes with a lot of ups and downs. Some are more painful than others. However, it is our responsibility to really do the work, to really still try to live the life that we want to live. So that was one of those moments where I felt quite defeated for a while. For months I was terribly heartbroken but then realized that, look, the victim mindset wasn't serving me any longer and I needed to do that hard work to pull myself out of that so I could be the best mom to my daughter and be a better version of who I was created to be.

Speaker 1:

I'm guessing the divorce came as a surprise. It was not something you were expecting.

Speaker 2:

The marriage was definitely crumbling prior to that, but I thought that we could recover. I genuinely thought that we would be able to recover, especially because we had this beautiful little girl.

Speaker 2:

But unfortunately we never recovered from that and that was difficult for me, Very, very difficult we never recovered from that and that was difficult for me, very, very difficult, because you know you have all these, all these views of a family and this baby girl and the timing of it was hard, because you already have all of these emotions as a new mom, oh yeah. And then you compound that on top of it and it's just a lot.

Speaker 1:

It certainly is a lot, Boy, especially with yeah, so many things with a newborn and thinking I'm sure that this is not what I wanted for her Right, and to have to deal with a newborn by yourself.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, exactly. You suddenly move from this family unit to now being a single mom. So all of the things happening I had just started a job like a year before that there was just a lot of transitioning happening simultaneously, and six months before that my dad had passed away. So it truly was one of the darkest seasons of my life. But I definitely believe it doesn't matter how hard life looks and feels. You certainly can get through any adversity you face.

Speaker 1:

Was there anything in particular? I know you said you know and I get it. You just realized, had a wake-up call and realized you don't want to do this to your daughter and to be the best mom. But was there anything in particular? Like you were talking about doing the work and I know for myself, I didn't really understand what doing the work meant, you know, or I think I started doing the work and I didn't know I was doing the work, if that makes sense. Was there something in particular? Were you starting to read things or listen to things, or you had already been in that space?

Speaker 2:

So I will say that, having you know, being in this dark space for months, I realized that I needed to deal with the scar of rejection that I had been carrying all my life.

Speaker 2:

So, as you read in my introduction, I was adopted, my parents told me, at the age of 12.

Speaker 2:

And then the divorce just kind of really compounded in the most painful way yet another situation in my life where I felt abandoned and rejected. And the more I thought about how painful the rejection was, the more I realized that this was just something I had been carrying all my life. I just I saw everything from the lens of rejection and I think, thinking through that and realizing I've got to get to the root of this deep pain and if I can get to the root of that, that, even if it manifests again later on in life, I'll be able to manage it in a healthier way because I've dealt with the root of it. I've never I had never dealt with the root of it prior, but it manifested itself in different ways. And so I think it was just realizing that I had been carrying just the scars of rejection for many, many years and it was time to deal with that, which made it really painful, but worth it to do the work to heal.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. It's funny. I was talking to a friend last night and she was telling me I don't remember if it was about her husband or somebody else, it was a man though, and he was, let's say, 70. And she said can you believe that he still is thinking you know whatever it was? And I said you know about himself. And I said can you believe that he still is thinking you know whatever it was? And I said you know about himself. And I said this is what happens. We don't even realize that we're acting from that place or how much of an impact our childhood had on us and the things that we were taught, or not necessarily intentionally.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Right, but that we we believe about ourselves.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it shapes our identity.

Speaker 1:

It does and it's. I think it's our life's work to try and get past that Right. It's an it's an ongoing journey. I don't know about you, I think my mind, my really.

Speaker 2:

I don't know about you, I think my mind my really yeah Right, it's always growing and evolving, always, yeah, exactly. So let's go to your career first. So, how you know, how did that all start and why did you decide to actually leave it after 25 years? So that's such a great question. I had been very successful in corporate. I worked for one of the largest banks in the country and I worked my way up from an officer all the way up to a senior vice president when I left and there were lots of changes happening. So you know, we had the pandemic and post-pandemic. There were just a lot of changes that had been taking place and the landscape of the workplace even now still continues to change and shift.

Speaker 2:

And I had my business part-time prior to leaving. I did it part-time and I really got to the place and we talked about this a little bit last week, how I turned 50 a couple years ago and I just started to feel like man. How do I want to be remembered? What do I want my legacy to look like in life and am I on the path to really creating that? Based on the trajectory that I had been on, and I realized that, even though I was very successful in the corporate space, there was more that I wanted and desired for my life and I figured if I didn't do it now I probably would never do it.

Speaker 2:

And certainly there was a lot of risk and fear that came up for me because I'm stepping out of this very familiar, stable, you know place.

Speaker 2:

But it was really a desire for more and to be more in alignment with my purpose and who I wanted to be and how I wanted to serve the world and the impact.

Speaker 2:

I wanted to leave. And so I made that decision last year July that I was going to pursue entrepreneurship full-time and just continue to just evolve in the work that I had been doing. A lot of it I had already been doing as a coach in the corporate space, and so it wasn't a difficult transition from that perspective, based on the work that I do, but it certainly was a transition in, of course you know, leaving the corporate space, having been sometimes I say I grew up in corporate a little bit, because I mean total, I was in corporate for 32 years, yeah, and so 25 of those I was definitely aligned to human resources in some capacity but just felt like, look, I wanted to take this risk and bet on myself and really live in alignment with who I think I'm created to be, which is to coach and to inspire and to encourage others to really navigate transitions and grow through the process so that they can live the life that they deserve.

Speaker 1:

It's funny, as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking about my youngest son is about to graduate from college in literally a minute a week. And so I say to him you know, now I come from a different perspective and it's interesting how I, you know, hear other kids and you know their parents are like forget the entrepreneurship, because not my son, but other kids, they're more entrepreneurial. It's a different age than when we grew up Generation yep.

Speaker 1:

Right. And so what did you do when we grew up? This is what success was. You get a job, usually in a corporate setting, and you just climb the ladder of success. Yeah, and you know, I'm thinking of one of my kid's friends and his parents just are like he's doing that in the entrepreneurial space, but they don't consider that a real job. And so I say to my own son not what are you going to do to make money, but what do you want to do? What does your heart tell you you want to do? And that's such a different space, I think, than when we grew up. And it's funny because my son, I think he knows where his heart is, but he feels like he has to give corporate a try.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

And we're conditioned. But now you know I'm coming from a different place, because not that I and it doesn't sound like you were unhappy in your career, Not at all, yeah, but it just wasn't lighting that fire, that passion.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, and I think for me part of what happened also was just thinking through, so, aligned to what you just said. My parents, you know, grew up hey, get a good job and stay at that job and retire from that job, and what I realized is my definition of success started to shift right. That no longer just was who I was or who I wanted to be, and so that's kind of. The thing that happens sometimes is that you kind of by default, you fall into this version of success, either because of how you were raised or nurtured or what you think success should be. But then, as you become very authentic to who you are and you become bolder in being who you were created to be, your version of success could change, and I think for me that definitely shifted along the way. So I definitely, and sometimes, like in the case of your son, he has to find his way.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, you know and we have to give our children space to do that.

Speaker 1:

I agree. I think too that you know we had to go. I'm speaking, you know, for both of us. I think that going through those hard times right is what that gave us the experience to say, OK, there must be other women out there, other people out there who are going through something similar. And I've gotten past it. And now I want to share that with someone. And at 20, whatever two, you know, you haven't lived through a lot of stuff yet. Nope, still finding out who you are Exactly, exactly when we look back, oh my goodness, I wouldn't even recognize, you know, the young woman I was at 22. I don't know about you.

Speaker 2:

Neither would.

Speaker 1:

I yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So I'm guessing, is that the case? You know, you came through the other side of your difficult situation and you felt that you wanted to help others do the same, and you felt that you wanted to help others do the same, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

I did not become a life coach until post my divorce, and one of the things I realized, debbie, when I was going through that experience, was so many women get lost in their pain and they don't recover. They just don't recover. I was very fortunate and I was able to build resilience eventually. Right, I was able to build a level of resilience that allowed me to recover in a very powerful way. But some people don't recover and it's partly because they don't know how and they allow that situation to kind of define the rest of their life. And so I think, having gone through that, my goal and my desire is to help people to really not just know that they can recover, but let me show you how you can do that and still live a very fulfilling life, even if life hasn't been, you know, kind to you along the way.

Speaker 1:

And I think you know, even if you, on the surface, look like you're recovered, there's still a level of bitterness and resentment and that victim mindset. Why me? Why did this happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve this kind of thinking? And, you know, comparing yourself to what you think are happy and perfect people when you don't know what's going on with them. So let's talk about you know the tools, and let's talk about your transition blueprint. What is that? Where did it come from? And tell us more.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so the transition blueprint really was just derived from, I think, a combination of my own experiences, kind of working in corporate and really looking at change from a very comprehensive perspective. So there are lots of different change models out there, but I don't think that we always factor in that there are so many components to change, especially if you've gone through back-to-back changes sometimes we don't even pause to breathe through them, and it's so necessary. So the transition framework blueprint framework that I created really takes into consideration a lot of very important pieces to help you not just like survive the change but really thrive through it. So we talk about mindset. There are six different pillars.

Speaker 2:

So we talk about mindset and really think and really deal with how are you thinking about this change, what are your limited beliefs and what do you need to shift in order to get through the change. We also talk about your emotions and how do you regulate those emotions. It's not okay to pretend that you're fine. If you're not fine, right, you have to pause. You have to acknowledge that you have these emotions and really name them and then figure out how do I move forward, acknowledging the emotions. Then we talk about really, how do you build that resilience along the way, because change can be really difficult and, depending on the depth of the change, it takes months, years it varies right To get through. It's not like I snap my fingers and you're okay.

Speaker 2:

And so how do you build your resilience along the way and take care of yourself as you heal or whatever the case might be? And then how do you realign your goals? Some, I mean. When I got divorced, it changed the entire trajectory of what I thought my life was going to look like, so I had to pause and realign some goals. And then we talk about building your confidence. Right, Talk about somebody who lost their self-esteem along the way. That was me. I just almost didn't know who I was any longer, and so sometimes you have to rebuild your confidence through change.

Speaker 2:

If you get a new job you were laid off, you get a new job. Now you have to rebuild your confidence to do something that you hadn't done before. And then the last piece is just really igniting your momentum. So, once you've really thought about your mindset, your emotions, your resilience and then your realigned goals, I help create like a strategic plan to help people continue to build that momentum so that what happened or the change that you experienced doesn't paralyze you. But now you have a strategic plan to move forward very confidently and successfully in that change.

Speaker 1:

I love and agree with all that. And isn't it funny, especially you coming from corporate. You at least in my case you know you think about a business plan or a strategic plan when it comes to your work life, but it's not so often that you think, oh, that also applies to my own actual personal life.

Speaker 2:

Yes, absolutely, yep, we somehow just don't translate that automatically.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that's the whole idea of just kind of drifting through life, and wherever it takes us, we just allow it. I don't know about you, but I remember the first time that someone said to me well, what are your dreams, what is your dream life look like? And I thought I have no idea. What does your dream life look like? And I thought I have no idea. You know, I don't think, since I was a kid or a teenager where I, you know, had it all plotted out in my head. Then life happens and those dreams just fade, yeah absolutely.

Speaker 2:

Yep, I remember, I remember having that question. They asked me your ideal life?

Speaker 1:

and I'm thinking to myself they asked your ideal life and I'm thinking to myself ideal life, there's such a thing Exactly. Does that really exist?

Speaker 2:

Or is that just in a Disney movie? Exactly, yeah, oh yeah. The framework really does help you. It can apply to corporate or personal, and it just looks at change from a very comprehensive perspective.

Speaker 1:

And I'm sure when people come to you, I mean that feeling of overwhelm of you know you're so stuck and you're feeling hopeless right. Most of the time at that point you're just like you know. You don't know my exact circumstance. My exact circumstance is different from yours, so mine is worse. So how am I ever getting out of this? And I think, too, that for me, I needed to know well exactly how. I wanted to know the exact steps, and I think we have to realize we don't have to know the exact steps.

Speaker 2:

That's right. That's right, yeah, and even though it's a framework, everybody's situation is different and we process things differently. Right, so it gives you a guide, but at the end of the day, you have to apply the framework and figure out how that meets you, where you are, in order to move past wherever you know you're struggling through change, and the struggle is understandable, because it usually is jolting us into a space that we've not been before good or bad?

Speaker 1:

Exactly, do you find that there's a space where most people just get stuck in this transition, or is it, you know, all over the map, you know, do people have most trouble with changing their mindset, or the emotions, or what is it?

Speaker 2:

I would say most commonly it would be mindset. That's probably the biggest place that I see kind of what we talked about the victim mindset, people who have not dealt with some of their past nurturing that impacts their limiting beliefs. Fear is, I would say, mindset, and then the emotion of fear. Right, those two are dangerous together. Right, people know a lot of times what they want to do, but they're afraid. You know they're afraid of failing. They're afraid of what people will say. You know they're afraid of what if this doesn't work, you know fear shows up. Doesn't matter what age or where we are in life. Fear will always show up when we try to do something we've not done before. And so if you have a limiting belief plus fear, you're paralyzed.

Speaker 1:

You just are yeah.

Speaker 2:

So I would say mindset and then the emotion, anything that that fosters fear is where people absolutely get stuck.

Speaker 1:

That's you know. My memoir is called On.

Speaker 1:

Second Thought Maybe I can and the reason it is called that is because I was always so fearful that if somebody presented an opportunity to me and it could be as small as I don't know, you want to learn how to kayak. No, no, I don't do that Because there's always a reason in my mind. It was like a protection. At least I thought it was a protection mechanism, because I was so my limiting belief was feeling unworthy, or fear of being judged Right or, and failure All of it. Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

And so you know, just saying no keeps you in this like little box. Yep, You're in this bubble. Yep, You're in that little comfort zone box where you think, OK, I just have to stay here and everything will be okay. And then I think, when sometimes life forces you to get out of that comfort box right, or that comfort zone, even when you don't want to, and you tell me if your experience is the same, even though now I know that it's facing our fear that has us grow and progress I found that every time I have faced my fear, even if it doesn't turn out the way I think, it has been a life changing experience, 99 percent of the time right Like, yeah, it's, it's.

Speaker 2:

You know, even and I even with leaving corporate, there is a possibility that this may not be successful. Right Like I have, I have some big shoes to fill, you know. But even over the past it's not quite a year I just can't even describe how much I have transformed just from you know doing something. So I say, if it doesn't work, I still become such a more dynamic and powerful person in the process. It would be absolutely worth it, but it's going to work, it's working. It's working. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1:

And I mean, do you think in your case, look, you're reinventing yourself. I'd love to hear how do you have any stories of some of your clients, how they have reinvented themselves, maybe in ways they never thought of before?

Speaker 2:

Absolutely so. While most of my clients are women, I actually, probably two years ago, I actually coached a male who wanted to move out of the corporate space. So the funny part is I was still in corporate at the time, coaching this individual to move out of corporate, and he had achieved a lot of success, but he was just ready to do something that was on his heart to do. And I remember walking through that journey and now that I'm saying this to you, I'm thinking well, maybe that kind of gave me some inner courage that I didn't even realize right To like you know, started to churn.

Speaker 2:

But, yeah, he and so long story short was we. We did coaching for about 12 weeks, we did a pretty extensive coaching and and you know strategy and he had his plan. And three months later from when we ended our coaching, he left his corporate role and continues to be wildly successful in doing something that he was terrified to do. And here's the thing that I've learned. It's not very complex. It's people know that they want to make a change, but they don't always know how and they don't have a plan. So one of my what I call superpowers is helping people uncover what that plan should look like, because it has to be a smart, strategic plan. It can't just be any plan Right strategic plan, it can't just be any plan right.

Speaker 2:

And so a lot of times, if we have a plan and we know what pieces need to happen and when they need to happen, it builds our confidence because we know where we're heading. It's like having a GPS in the car. You know the GPS is going to get you to your destination. It's no different with. I'm going in a different direction. I've never been to this destination before, but I have a plan and a strategy to get there and if I follow it and I'm disciplined, even when I don't feel motivated because, lord knows, some days we don't feel motivated right To do what we need to do Absolutely I still follow the plan. And so that was probably one of my very special stories, because you can coach people but they don't always follow the plan and their journey and their progress is longer or they get discouraged because they don't see the results fast, as fast as they would like.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

But that was certainly one that you know implementation and execution really yielded very successful results.

Speaker 1:

I want to know what does he do that he was so afraid to do?

Speaker 2:

He actually has a business where he does woodworking, so he creates different things. Yep, he creates different things and wasn't sure if there would be a market for some of the pieces that he creates. And he's just been able to find his niche and his clients and does very well and has uncovered this additional layer of creativity that he would have never uncovered had he continued to stay in corporate.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my goodness, that really resonates with me. And let me ask you, with your books? For me, I never wanted to write anything. I never had any desire to write, and I think this journey, that's what it's done, I would say. If anyone asked me, I would say I don't have a creative bone in my body and since the transition and doing the work, I've discovered oh wow, that's not necessarily true. And, just like you say, I uncovered another layer about myself that I didn't know existed. What about you? Tell me about your writing and your books, and where did that come from?

Speaker 2:

Yeah. So I never said, oh, when I grew up, I want to be an author. That was not me. As a little girl, I wrote poetry, I did write poetry, I enjoyed poetry and my major is communication studies.

Speaker 2:

I wanted to be a journalist, actually, at one point, but I never really said I wanted to be an author and I absolutely never said I wanted to be an entrepreneur. That was, like you know, however, part of kind of what I shared earlier. I felt like, in order to really kind of pull the thread all the way through the needle, I felt like I needed to really transparent and vulnerable and I talk about where my rejection started, how it showed up in my life, and then I talk about, you know, the divorce and that journey. So that's the first part of the book, and then the second part of the book, I talk about really specific steps that I took to help me move my life forward. Right? So, and I will tell you, it felt uncomfortable, kind of being that vulnerable talking about my story, because I'm like you don't know where this book is going to land.

Speaker 1:

Exactly.

Speaker 2:

But I got to the point in my journey where it was more important to help people get free and transform than it was about my pride and shame that was attached to some of my story.

Speaker 1:

I swear I think we're soul sisters. I had the same experience when I was writing. I mean, it was, wasn't it cathartic too as well.

Speaker 2:

Of course, of course, yeah, yeah, that was your experience as well.

Speaker 1:

Well, I was. I have always been an open book. My mother would always say, debbie, you don't have to tell everyone everything. And even today she'll still say it will be. You know, she lives I'm in New Jersey, she lives in Florida. We don't see each other that much. But you know, last year or something, we were at the getting our nails done together here, something we were at the getting our nails done together here, and she said I've never seen anyone talk so much to so many people when getting their nails done. What, what are you talking about? I said I don't know. I just keep talking. I don't know. I enjoy people's company, but anyhow, when? So I've always been, point being, I've always been an open book. So I guess I wasn't too scared. But there was one thing that I was not going to tell anyone. Well, two things, but one. The other thing was something I couldn't talk about because other people involved did not want me to.

Speaker 1:

But there was another thing that I was so deeply ashamed of that I originally did not put it in my book. This is my first one. I did not put it in my book. And then I thought to myself I pretty much had like three quarters of the book written and one day I was meditating and something just came to me to say you have to do it. And just for the same reason is that if I'm feeling so ashamed about this situation it was a situation with money.

Speaker 1:

If I'm feeling so ashamed, that means that there's others out there who feel the same way and they could be looking and listening to me and thinking oh man, that woman has it all together.

Speaker 1:

Right, none of us have it all together, that's right, we're all a work in progress, and I thought, I think about how I benefited benefited from hearing other people's stories that I can relate to, and so if I'm not going to be completely transparent, then what am I doing here? Yeah, yeah, and so I think, even after I put it in, every time that someone I knew told me they read the book, it was uncomfortable, you know, and especially because I do, I have this, you know fear of being judged. This was like, oh my goodness mega fear of?

Speaker 1:

are they looking at me differently, how do they think about me? And it was really just kind of shifting my thinking to remember they've got their own secrets that you know they're not comfortable sharing and maybe this will inspire them to do the same and move past it. But it is difficult and it is very vulnerable.

Speaker 2:

It is and I am the I was, so I'm the opposite, so I'm pretty private. So I'm pretty private. So there was that layer that I had I had to get through, and then I tried to write in such a way where I spoke about my truth but I still honored the father of my daughter, and so I never wanted to.

Speaker 2:

While the book definitely talks about what happened, there was still a layer of honor that I wanted to maintain through that, and so I think there was this dance that I was doing a little bit in being vulnerable and telling my truth, but I always said to myself at the end of the day, no matter what happened, this is still the father of my daughter, right and so, and so trying to honor that and still tell my truth. There were moments where it felt really hard, really, really hard, but I knew that I wanted to help other people, you know, free themselves from the shame that comes with divorce, especially, you know, especially, you know, in a Christian community. That could be even more difficult sometimes.

Speaker 1:

Right, yeah, ok. And as we are coming to the end, if someone's listening and feeling stuck but doesn't know what to do next, what would you say to them today?

Speaker 2:

So I think what I would share is, first of all, you're not alone in your journey. We have all felt stuck at some point in our lives and I think sometimes we feel like we're alone and we're the only person that feels that way. So I want to just kind of dismiss and dismantle that thought that you are not alone. I think it's important to really identify what exactly is causing you to be stuck, because we say that we're stuck, but what does that mean exactly right? Is it I'm stuck because I'm afraid? Is it I'm stuck because I don't have resources? Am I stuck because I need a coach to help me along?

Speaker 2:

Like, what is the root of why you're stuck? And really try to figure out what that is. And if you can't figure it out, then you absolutely need some support, whether, depending on what the issue is whether that's a therapist, whether that's a coach like myself or whether that is you just need to be more courageous and start taking baby steps. Sometimes we feel like I'm stuck and I'm trying to get from here to there and I need to leap to there, not really realizing that if I take small incremental steps, I'll get there eventually you know, and so not feeling like you have to take the entire leap, but just taking one step at a time and trusting the process along the way.

Speaker 2:

I would also say that you are worthy and you are deserving of living a life that you absolutely love. Sometimes we get so bruised along the way that we don't think that we're worthy of living a beautiful life, and so for the person who feels stuck, for the person who's in a lot of pain, your heart can heal and you're absolutely worthy of finding joy, peace and a fulfilling life, and so that would be my initial encouragement to those who may feel stuck.

Speaker 1:

Beautiful. I think that's a perfect way to end. If you don't mind, Lena, can you tell listeners where they can find you?

Speaker 2:

Absolutely so. You can find me on social media Instagram, facebook threads at Coach Lena Wilson that's pretty much my name across social media, and then, of course, lenawilsoncom is my website. So that's kind of the central hub. That's where I would recommend that you go and you can, you know, uncover anything you need to know or schedule time with me if you need to.

Speaker 1:

Wonderful Lena. Thank you so much for joining me today. It's been an absolute pleasure.

Speaker 2:

I appreciate you having me. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1:

All right, and everybody, we will see you next time.

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Debbie Weiss

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