Ep. 142: When Traditions Fade: Finding Strength in Change

In this episode of Maybe I Can, I opened my journal from three years ago and read a raw, unedited entry I wrote during one of the hardest seasons of my life. I called it Sunday Regrets.

It started as a reflection on family traditions, football Sundays, Gary’s famous BLTs, and the way we gathered together, and became a window into how grief slowly reshapes life.

Three years later, I can see how far I’ve come, even as I still feel the sting of loss. Grief isn’t linear, and it doesn’t have an expiration date, but it does teach us to savor the present and create new memories we never expected.

In this episode, I share:

• How traditions change as life changes
• The reality of navigating grief — both then and now
• Why moving forward begins with one small step

If you’ve ever felt stuck, frozen in place, or unsure of how to begin again after loss or change, I hope my story reminds you that you’re not alone — and that there’s always a way forward.

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Chapters

• 0:00 A Personal and Emotional Episode Introduction
• 2:15 Reading "Sunday Regrets" Blog Post
• 8:48 The Reality of Losing My Husband
• 9:52 Reflection Three Years Later
• 13:12 Moving Forward Despite Changed Circumstances
• 16:59 The Power of Small Steps Forward

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi and welcome back to the Maybe I Can podcast. I'm your host, debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today. This episode might be a little emotional for me and, even if my particular story isn't going to relate directly to your life, there is a message in there. So stick with me, if you don't mind, because I'm going to be sharing something very, very personal today. I'm recording this on September 6th, my niece Sarah's 29th birthday. Happy birthday, sarah Gosh. It seems like yesterday that you were born and, more importantly, it's a particularly special weekend for me for a different reason. So it's not necessarily the date of September 6th. It is the second weekend of the month of September and you're going to understand in a little while what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1: 1:00

What I've decided to do was actually read you something that I wrote three years ago, in September of 2022. And I haven't reread it before. I'm reading it to you because I wanted it to be authentic and to be able to share my emotion and feeling with you. This is going to take a few minutes, so buckle up and listen and I might shed a few tears, and you might as well. So it's a blog post that I wrote. It's actually the first thing I remember writing this, gosh, you know, I can remember exactly where I was standing, how I was feeling, and I think it's the first time that I decided to just open up a notebook and write down my feelings. And so this is legit. What poured out? It was not edited and it's not the best writing and all the things. This was just a journal entry, one of my very first, and it was very cathartic to write it out. So here goes. It's called Sunday Regrets. This past weekend I had a bit of a meltdown and realization and took my emotions to my keyboard. Here are the words that came out.

Speaker 1: 2:26

Sundays used to be one of my top five favorite days of the year. The second Sunday in September is the opening day at least Sunday opening day for the NFL season, as well as the US Open men's tennis final. These are my favorite sports days of the year. It also implies September is here, the start of fall, new beginnings, a fire in the fireplace and turtlenecks. It signifies the beginning of a family tradition that started almost 30 years ago when I first met Gary and, for those who don't know a little aside, gary was my husband. Until that time, I was a bigger baseball fan let's go Mets than football but quickly learned to love and enjoy the excitement of a game of football. But quickly learned to love and enjoy the excitement of a game of football. Every Sunday we would wear our Jets shirts and I would later add earrings and socks to my ensemble. We'd go gather all we needed at the supermarket for our Sunday game day celebration.

Speaker 1: 3:32

Sundays during football season always had a special feel. It was the one day where we put all responsibilities and problems aside to spend together as a family rooting for our team. Once we had our boys, they joined in the fun. They each wore their Jets shirts when they were around four or five days old. Of course, early on they had no idea what was happening, but quickly learned they had no choice but to be a Jets fan. As preschoolers and elementary school kids they wanted to root for winning teams, which the Jets typically are not. But we explained the concept of loyalty to them. They were smart and knew they had to appear to be Jets fans while rooting for winning teams.

Speaker 1: 4:20

When we weren't around, gary would prepare us the most amazing BLTs with American cheese and make the boys their own special treats. He was always meticulous in the preparation of his food. I used to pick on him for his intensity and the numerous time-consuming steps involved, but I couldn't deny that they were the best BLTs I ever ate. Everything and anything he cooked was delicious. He definitely missed his calling as a chef. Sorry, we would consume our sandwiches and the other common game day snacks as we cheered J-E-T-S Jets, jets, jets. The predictability of our football Sundays made it a family favorite. Everyone who knew us knew that the Jets were our team and Sundays were our day. That is until it wasn't. That is until it wasn't.

Speaker 1: 5:19

Gary's health began to slowly deteriorate when the boys were just young teens. Year after year, small pieces of our tradition faded. Gary began to no longer cook, and I didn't know how to cook, so the food just became bagged snacks. Gary would often doze during the game, so the boys would lock themselves in their rooms since their presence was no longer required. I would sit and watch while he dozed and tried to rouse him when something exciting happened. As the years sped by, I was the only one who still wore my Jets jersey every Sunday. Gary began not even watching some games and I would always be trying to cajole him, which rarely worked. Most recently, if Gary watched a game or two a year, it was a lot. The tradition was definitely coming to an end.

Speaker 1: 6:17

But there's something different today. The sadness I feel today I feel intensely throughout my entire body. My stomach is doing flips as I sit here typing in my empty kitchen while the game is on in the family room because I just couldn't bear the idea of not watching. Somehow watching might bring those good, precious days back. Gary is dying. I've never typed or said those words because, even though I know it to be true, I don't really truly believe it.

Speaker 1: 6:58

Today, trying to rouse him from bed countless times prior to the game was wet, with angry growls and him telling me to leave him alone. He eventually got up and was crying hysterically and nasty. This is now typically how his day and my day begin. He does get better as the medications he swallows begin to work, but until then it's torture. I bring him coffee which he spills. I have to clean up the bathroom from the accidents that he had during the night. At this point the pit is not only in my stomach, but it has traveled up to my heart. I peer out the window at the rain and wonder how we got here.

Speaker 1: 7:45

What happened to those wonderful Sundays that I thought would never end? Oh, how I long for one more Sunday, just like it used to be. I would enjoy every millisecond of that day and burn each detail to my memory, so I would never forget that feeling. Today serves as another reminder of how important it is to live in the present moment and to take absolutely nothing for granted. Sometimes we feel that things, good or bad, will never end, but things do come to an end and we need to savor the sweetness and take comfort in times of hardship that this struggle will not last forever. New memories and traditions will certainly be made as life continues, but one thing I can say with absolute certainty is that those Sundays will forever be the best memories of my life. I'm sorry, I need a minute.

Speaker 1: 8:52

So here it is, three years later from the date that I wrote this, that I'm talking to you, and things certainly have changed. And gosh, I mean. The journey of grief is, you know, as we already know, not certainly a straight line. And three years later, I still have these feelings this particular weekend and this weekend, ben, my youngest, is actually away, so he won't be here with me cheering the Jets on and watching the men's tennis final, because he's a tennis fan like I am. But I know he'll be texting me. He already texted me today, which is Saturday, about tennis and whatnot, and Sam will be here with his friends upstairs cheering as I'm downstairs watching. And three years later I'm definitely in a better place.

Speaker 1: 9:57

You know, it's hard to believe as I read that, those feelings that I was feeling it does, it seems like yesterday. But then I also think, boy, how far I've come in three years and this journey of grief, how I felt, because I have a friend who recently lost her husband and I can put myself back there and think how scary and unsettling that time was, particularly that first year. I was talking to another friend last night who lost his wife, maybe about nine months ago, and he was talking about all the firsts that you get through that first year, all of the you know, the first birthday anniversary, all the celebrations For me, the first opening day of football, and as time goes on, I guess it does get easier and most of the time, you know, you're looking back with fondness and I think, three years later, I am now certainly accepting that my life forward is very different than I once thought it was going to be, but that doesn't mean that because I'm now a widow and alone and won't have Gary with me to travel into, you know, I guess my third act right, I'm creating a different life, a life that I never anticipated and, yeah, it's not what I wanted. But over the last three years I have not let my circumstances stop me.

Speaker 1: 11:45

I've continued on starting this podcast, writing books, creating different products, this podcast, writing books, creating different products, so many different things, and I'm proud of myself. I am, and I really am learning to embrace just what I wrote in there living in the present movement, savoring those times. I think last week I might have mentioned it in my podcast Ben and I went to the US Open in person, the Tennis US Open and, boy, every minute of those maybe we were there nine hours I just really soaked it in how I was enjoying spending time with my son and the weather was beautiful and we were so lucky to be able to be at this event and watch some incredible players and I just really felt grateful in that moment that we had that experience together. And I think, if we can keep remembering, yes, there's nothing wrong, and we should remember our loved ones and cherish those times. But when things change, it doesn't mean that we'll never have those type of experiences again. They'll just be different. But we're not going to recognize them unless we allow ourselves to right. If we sit there and just think about what could have been, or think about our failures or things that we wish we had done.

Speaker 1: 13:29

I was a woman on social media. She commented that she just is stuck and she can't move. It's like she's frozen, and I understand that. And she didn't really elaborate in the little comment to the video of why she was stuck, what the reason was behind that. But, boy, you know these big life transitions, especially whatever it could be losing a job, it could be losing a family member, it could be you're retiring an empty nest or getting divorced, whatever it is for you, when it happens, yeah, you are stuck. You could be stunned, right, even if you know it's happening. I knew my husband was dying, but when it happened, boy, it was very different.

Speaker 1: 14:19

Just like, on the positive side, when you have your first child, you could never imagine that kind of love and even though you know it's coming, you think you're prepared. Good or bad, it's. In that moment you're a different person, and when it first happens, yeah, you're stuck, and I think that that's normal, but at a certain point you need to start taking those little steps forward into discovering who you're going to be in this next chapter, even if it's a chapter that you never envisioned for yourself. We need to move forward, and when we start to take those small, tiny steps right, those little sprinkles, it's like just put one foot in front of the other. That's what it is. Every little step gives you a little bit of hope and a little bit of confidence that you see, you can do it, you can move forward, even though it might be painful, even though you're in a circumstance, a situation that you never wanted to be in, it doesn't matter, you can do it.

Speaker 1: 15:27

And so, as I sit here reminding myself that I can do it, I can get through this weekend, I can enjoy this weekend and I'm going to enjoy this weekend. And even though Ben's not going to be around, ben is trying to maybe learn to cook, even though Gary never taught him and I have no interest, and so he promised me that not this week, since he's gone, but maybe next week he is going to try and make Gary's famous BLTs with American Gs for me, and we'll smile and we'll laugh and we'll remember Gary and all his idiosyncrasies and his big personality and laugh and sense of humor, and we might shed a few tears, but we'll know we're going to be okay. We are okay Three years later. We're doing it. We're learning to forge a new path, and so I challenge you, no matter where you are, no matter how hard your life is, no matter if you aren't happy where you are, just remember you have the power inside of you to make a change, whatever that might be, and you don't have to know the direction that you're going.

Speaker 1: 16:59

Just take one tiny step. Enjoy the present moment, savor it. Enjoy your loved ones instead of getting annoyed at them. Enjoy their company. Remember all of the things that you're grateful for and, as I close, I'm grateful for you. Thank you so much for listening. Make it a wonderful week and keep on sprinkling. Talk to you next week.