Maybe I Can® with Debbie Weiss

Ep. 143: How to Stop Letting Worry Steal Your Joy

• Debbie Weiss • Episode 143

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In this week’s episode of Maybe I Can, I’m opening up about something I realized while journaling this morning—how much of my mental space is consumed by worry. From my kids, to travel plans, to speaking events, my brain was spiraling.

But then I was reminded of something powerful: everything is small stuff.

In this conversation, I share:

  • Why 90% of what we worry about never actually happens
  • How to catch yourself in the middle of a worry spiral
  • Practical ways I use journaling, breathing, and gratitude to let go of the fear of “what if”

If you’ve ever felt consumed by worry, I hope this episode helps you shift your focus—from catastrophe to possibility.

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Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome back to the Maybe I Can podcast. I'm your host, debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for tuning in today. So earlier today, when I knew that I wanted to record my podcast, today, as I do most days, I'm like, well, what is on my heart? And I honestly didn't know the answer. But this morning I started journaling and I free-form journal, which just means that I open up a blank notebook and I start writing whatever comes to mind and I'm writing and after a while I notice that there's a through line.

Speaker 1:

Every single thing I was writing was something about worrying. Single thing I was writing was something about worrying. I was worrying about my son, sam, because he talked to me last night about going to New York for three or four days and I was very worried about that for a variety of reasons and this is not until November, by the way, but he had me in a panic just thinking about it last night. And then I was worrying about my son Ben, who's looking for a job since he graduated from college. And then I was worried about oh, I'm going to California this week. I'm in New Jersey, I'm going to California this week for a speaking event with other speakers and I was worried oh my goodness, I hope everything's on time, wow. And I was worried. Oh my goodness, I hope everything's on time. Wow, I don't even know anyone else. I hope that I meet nice people. Oh, and then when I give my presentation, I hope it's well received, and what if it's not? And what if this, and what if that? And the next thing you know which, I have to say that, even though I am a worrier, I don't think I've ever realized or had a day like this where it was worry, worry, worry.

Speaker 1:

And then, unfortunately, this afternoon I had to go to a wait. A colleague of mine, another insurance agent, passed away, I think suddenly, at the age of 75, a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful man, just the kindest, most fun, generous, welcoming guy. And so I saw a lot of my colleagues there and one of them said it's just a reminder that we can't sweat the small stuff, and he said that one of his friends said you can't sweat the small stuff. But here's the thing Everything is small stuff, right? Everything in the grand scheme of life is minor, and it really helps to put things in perspective, even though you can think of it as helps to put things in perspective, even though you can think of it as a little depressing, but you know it helps. It really does help and it helps you get out of your head.

Speaker 1:

And so I wanted to talk to you today about worry. I mean, do you ever find yourself laying awake at night worrying about things that haven't even happened yet? I'm sure you're shaking your head. Yes, because I honestly think that I don't even know who has never had that happen before Nobody that I know and it's a worry spiral. It can turn into a spiral, just like it was basically spiraling in my head today and I didn't even realize it. And, honestly, that is one of the benefits that I found to journaling is that when I start writing, I don't know what I'm going to write, and even when I start, I do find that it always leads me in all these directions that I didn't even realize were going on in my head. And then, just like today, when I saw it all on paper and I said, oh my goodness, everything I'm writing is something I'm worried about, I realized that I had control of them.

Speaker 1:

And it's hard because, as humans, we're hardwired to worry. Right Back in caveman times we had to worry, we had to have that survival instinct and pay attention to everything that was going on around us, because if we didn't, we could have been eaten by a tiger, right? So I? It comes from somewhere, that we are scanning for threats, let's say. But worry feels productive. It makes us think that, oh, I'm going to worry about it, I'm going to think about the possibilities, and that way I'll either be able to head it off or stop it. If it happens, I'll have already brainstormed over all the possible outcomes and how will I handle them. That way, I'll be prepared. And we think that that gives us a sense of control, because I think one of the worst feelings is that feeling of loss of control, feeling out of control, and so it feels like the worrying is helping us. But is it really? It's not what happens when we worry. We feel it in our bodies, right? Who's ever had a tension headache? You don't realize, but like you're shrugging your shoulders all the time and then you have neck problems, and then you're not sleeping and then you're tired and that adds to other problems. And, honestly, when we're spending all this time worrying, we're not paying attention to what's happening in the present moment, so we're also missing out on the life that we're living right now.

Speaker 1:

I don't have it in front of me, but in one of my presentations I have a statistic in there about the percentage of things that we are fearful of that never happen, and it's somewhere between like 85 to 90 percent of the things that we are fearful of that never happen. And it's somewhere between like 85 to 90% of the things that we worry about never come true. And of the percentage that do come true, it's like 70 to 80% of those things are not nearly as bad as we're envisioning them. I mean, look at those odds. That's got to be a minimum of 90% chance it's not going to happen. And yet the amount of time, the amount of space and energy that our fears and our worries take up in our brain is unbelievable. I mean 90%. That's a pretty darn good bet that this thing that you're concerned about is not going to happen.

Speaker 1:

So what do we do about it? Well, I think easier said than done, but I love this question or these questions that you can ask yourself. You can ask yourself will this thing I'm worried about matter a week from now, a year from now, five years from now? I'm sure if you look back, even a week ago. Can you remember what you were worried about a week ago? I don't. I have no idea. Couldn't have been that bad. Right Chances are it didn't come true, because I would have known if it did.

Speaker 1:

We spend all this time worrying and instead, why don't we focus on the possibility of a good outcome? Maybe it will be better than I anticipated, instead of worse? What if I go to California and I get up there and I speak and I get a standing ovation and people come up to me afterwards and tell me how inspirational I was and how they really connected with what I said? That's a very real possibility. Why aren't I focused on that? That's what I need to do, personally is shift that thinking, shift that mindset away from oh my goodness, I'm going to speak, I'm not going to remember what I'm going to say, I'm going to jumble my words and it's not going to be impactful. What am I saying this for? I don't even have any basis for this. Luckily, I haven't really had that happen, at least as far as I know. Why can't we just shift to focus on the possibility instead of the catastrophe? It's actually something that reminds me.

Speaker 1:

A few weeks ago, I did a podcast episode about the end of summer and the beginning of fall and how I used to find the end of summer a hard time. Not a hard time like a depressing time, because I hated when summer ended and no more beach and sun and all of that stuff, but yet it was the same kind of thing. What about the possibility and the new exciting things that happen in the fall? And this is something similar. I think the hardest thing is really catching ourselves and realizing that we're doing it, that all this worry is taking up all this real estate in our minds.

Speaker 1:

How can you manage your worry? Well, clearly, I've mentioned journaling. You can also journal on the question. Is there something that I can do about it? Is there anything that I can do to alleviate this worry or this fear, or make myself feel a little more in control? Or don't answer any question. Do what I did this morning and see where it takes you and notice where your head is.

Speaker 1:

If you really have to worry, you know you're sitting there going. You don't understand the things. The examples that I'm using are ridiculous. I have serious things to worry about, and that is very well might be true. I've been there in those times as well. How about you say, okay, I am not going to worry the majority of the day. I'm going to schedule my worry time at 6 o'clock tonight for 15 minutes I will allow myself to sit quietly and worry. I'm going to set an alarm or a timer and when that timer goes off, it's done. That was my worrying for today. If it pops into my mind again, nope, it'll have to wait until my scheduled worry time tomorrow.

Speaker 1:

Of course, breathing meditation that does really help. I never really understood how breathing can make a difference, but if you just take the time which this obviously you can do anywhere, we're always breathing to take five or six deep breaths, and I try this very often when I'm in the car and I'm frustrated because I'm in traffic or I'm late and stressed. And if I just take those six deep breaths, it's incredible how I can actually feel my nervous system, my whole being just relax and I feel so much calmer. I don't know why we and I think I'm saying me don't take advantage of this strategy more often. It's almost too simple to be true, too simple and too good to be true, but it is, and it really brings that tension and that stress right down A gratitude practice Instead of focusing on what you're worried about, focus on what you have to be grateful for.

Speaker 1:

Because even if you're in a place of a real hard time in your life and of course, going today to this week reminded me of those last several weeks of my husband's life, and when it happens, then you know you put yourself right back when you were in that situation and I remember how I felt at that time and even then I had something to be grateful for. There's always something to be grateful for. It could be as simple as you're grateful you're alive. You're grateful you're not struggling to take that next breath. Just go outside and look around and realize the beauty that is around you. Think about your loved ones, think about those people that are supporting you, think about a good book you just read, or a song or a TV show anything. There's always something to be grateful for, and when you turn your focus on that, the worry and the fear start to take a back seat. If the worry is something that's solvable, take one step towards that solution and you start to feel better, because anytime you take action, instead of just worry, worry, worry you feel like you're more in control. You're now moving towards the answer to solving that problem. One little step, one little sprinkle. Little step, one little sprinkle and look, you know, remember.

Speaker 1:

I feel like there's probably many cultures that have this practice of writing your worry down on a piece of paper and tossing it in the garbage, shredding it, burning it. You know, I was going to say tossing it into the ocean, but we don't want to litter and do that. So there's no reason why you can't burn it or, I think, shred it, rip it up and toss it in the garbage. Maybe you've heard this story before. Maybe you've heard this story before. It's been a while since I told this story.

Speaker 1:

I remember when my oldest son, sam, turned 21. And he told me that he was going with some friends to Atlantic City. Now, you know your audience right. I have two sons. If it were Ben, who told me that his friends were taking him to Atlantic City to celebrate his 21st birthday, I would have had no worry. In Sam's case, I had a lot of worry. I was so incredibly nervous. I remember worrying and worrying all the way up to that. You know, march is his birthday. That date in March where he was going, and Saturday night when they were down there.

Speaker 1:

I'm laying in bed and my mind just started taking me everywhere. Where are they? What's he doing? Oh, my goodness, I know what's going to happen. He's going to drink himself silly. He's going to pass out. His friends are going to think it's funny. They're going to leave him by the side of the road. No one's going to pay attention. Something's going to happen to him. I knew I was either for sure going to get a call from the police or a hospital.

Speaker 1:

I laid in that bed. I mean, my heart was palpitating. I was, unfortunately, envisioning these things. Right, I was envisioning where he was, what he looked like, what horrible thing was happening. My heart started racing and it took me a while racing, and it took me a while, probably about a half hour, to realize what I was doing. And I remember that I did take those deep breaths. I did it. I did take six deep breaths and it helped. And I reminded myself of the statistic that I just shared with you and I realized it's, god forbid. One of these horrible things that I'm envisioning are going to happen.

Speaker 1:

Me worrying is not going to matter. It's not going to help that situation, but, on the flip side, with 90% chance that that won't happen. Look what I'm doing to myself. I took the breaths. I made sure to turn my ringer on my cell phone up really loud so that if I was sleeping I would hear it. And I decided I turned on the TV and I watched the Golden Girls and, I'm happy to report, I fell asleep. The phone never rang. He turned 21,. Came home the next day tired, a little hungover, but he had a great time and he was all in one piece time and he was all in one piece.

Speaker 1:

Worry is natural. I don't think that we can eliminate it, but we don't have to let it control us. So today I want you to commit to release what you can't control and take one sprinkle-sized step toward what you can. I'd love it if you'd email me at debbyrweisscom. I've got a couple of emails in the last few weeks of people sharing things and I'd love it. I'd love to hear from you. It really makes all the difference. So either email me, connect with me on Instagram, at debbierweiss, and for the rest of the week, I want you to not worry about a thing. I want you to keep this in the forefront of your mind, top of mind, but keep this in the forefront of your mind, top of mind, and notice when you're doing it and think about hey, what else is possible? Make it a great week and I'll talk to you next week.

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Debbie Weiss

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