Ep. 144: Learning To Stand In Fear, Not Flee From It

This week on Maybe I Can, I’m sharing one of my most humbling experiences to date. I traveled across the country for a speaking conference—only to be hit with unbearable tooth pain, crippling self-doubt, and then the nightmare scenario: I completely blanked on stage.

In that moment, I wanted to run. To get on a plane, go home, and convince myself I wasn’t cut out for speaking at all.

But I didn’t run. I stayed. I listened. I learned. And that choice shifted everything.

In this episode, I talk about:

• What really happens when imposter syndrome takes over
• Why failure can either end your story or become the turning point
• How I’m using this moment to fuel growth instead of quitting

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t belong, or if failure has ever made you want to give up, I hope my story reminds you that you’re not alone, and you’re stronger than you think.

Transcript

Welcome and Tooth Troubles

Speaker 1 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Maybe I Can podcast . I'm your host , debbie Weiss , and thank you so much for joining me today . You know I don't even really have a title for this podcast . I'm just going to share with you my experience over the last week and give you my takeaways , and I hope , and I really do think , that somehow you can relate this to your life .

Speaker 1 0:28

So this past week I live in New Jersey and I was traveling to outside of San Francisco for a professional speakers conference I guess that's the best way to describe it . I guess that's the best way to describe it and I was leaving on Tuesday and Sunday night into Monday I woke up in excruciating pain it was my tooth , which , like I , don't usually have these kind of problems and I wound up not being able to see my own dentist . I went to some emergency dentist and I figured they're going to say I don't know , your cap is fell off or you have a filling that's cracked and you know , boom , boom , boom , they're going to fix it . Fantastic , I'm off to San Francisco . But that's not what they said and I don't really know how to explain . And this isn't a program . I'm not a dentist and maybe you are , but maybe you're not . Long story short , I need to have my tooth extracted , a bone graft done and have an implant . And I said , okay , that's all great , they couldn't just extract my tooth that day . So what happens ? Do I have to cancel my trip to San Francisco , because there is no way in this type of pain that I can go ? And they said no , we're going to give you antibiotics . You're going to double up today . We'll give you Tylenol with codeine . You should be okay .

Speaker 1 2:02

As the days go on and I thought to myself am I making a mistake here ? But I'm sure I could have . I could have they have this conference a couple times a year . I could have postponed it to January when their next conference was , but there were some people that I had met online that were also going to be there . I was looking forward to seeing them in person and I thought , all right , let me just give it a go .

Speaker 1 2:31

And the flight out was really tough . I didn't want to take any kind of pain medicine other than over-the-counter because I was renting a car when I got there . By the time I got to San Francisco , I was in such incredible pain . I could barely open my mouth to speak . If I could have physically , I would have gone up to that United counter and said get me on a plane going right back to New Jersey , because I can't do this . But physically I just couldn't get back on a plane . So I thought , all right , let me get my rental car , drive to the hotel and see how I feel in the morning and if it's no good , I'll skip the conference . I'll get on the plane . It'll be ridiculous , waste of time , but whatever . And a ride that I thought was going to take me about 40 minutes took me an hour and a half , with a lot of traffic . I was in such pain , I was crying , tears were streaming down my face . I was supposed to meet someone that night . I had to tell them I'm sorry I can't , and I took some medication , slept off and on during the night and , I'm happy to say , when I got up on Wednesday , the first day of the conference , I definitely felt better than I had the day before . So that's progress .

Speaker 1 3:54

I was speaking at the conference on Thursday . So I thought you know , I'll go to the conference today and maybe I'll talk to the organizer and tell her that there's a possibility that I won't be able to speak and I went to the conference and I never

Painful Journey to the Conference

Speaker 1 4:14

did that . I'm listening to other people speak and , quite frankly , the other people who were getting up there and speaking many of them were phenomenal up there and speaking , many of them were phenomenal . There were two people who were professional actors and it certainly showed they had complete command of the stage and were so engaging . And as I sat there in my head I thought , oh my goodness , what am I doing ? I thought , oh my goodness , what am I doing ? Forget the tooth , forget the pain . All of that aside , I don't , I don't belong here . I'm not as good as these people . This is going to be so embarrassing . And you had everybody was getting up and doing a different type of format . There was basically three different types of format that you could be doing and I prepared kind of one way and then that day other people who were doing what I was going to do did something very different . So now I panicked .

Speaker 1 5:23

After the conference is over on Wednesday , I go back to my room for an hour or so before I'm going to meet some people for dinner and I rework what I'm going to say and I'm trying to practice it , and either it doesn't come out so well or I had a specific amount of time and I needed to hit that number and I was way over , and then , when I took stuff out , I was way under and there are specific points that I needed to hit and there are specific points that I needed to hit . So , in other words , now that I'm recording this podcast and talking to you , that's not the case . I have no notes . I have no nothing . I am just stream of consciousness talking versus what I needed to do . There was about eight specific , almost like sentences that I needed to say and I thought you know what I made it this far . I'll do the talking . I was feeling better , but I was still very intimidated after listening to the speakers on Wednesday .

Speaker 1 6:35

So Thursday comes , I go on right before lunchtime and I get up there and I say my first couple of lines and I'm staring out into the audience and again , I'm not stream of consciousness speaking . I have in my head oh gosh , I need to say this , and then I need to say this , and then I need to say this . Well , I said the first thing and I don't even know , maybe I said the second thing and then my mind went completely blank . I mean complete . I stood there , silent , staring out at the audience like a deer in the headlights , panicking because I was trying to recall the next sentence that I really needed to say . And this is the problem when you speak with memorization , unless you're using I was going to say cue cards or a teleprompter or something like that , but this wasn't the case . I even had slides that had little notes . If you've ever presented in any kind of PowerPoint or any slide presentation , there's a spot that you can put speaker notes . But because I had changed the whole format the night before , the speaker notes that I had in there didn't coincide with what I wanted to say , so that wasn't even helping me .

Speaker 1 8:11

You're just floundering , let's say , and it feels like time is standing still . That's how it was . I was staring into space . One part of my brain was saying oh my God , oh my God , I can't believe this . You're not talking . What comes next ? And the other part of my brain was trying to retrieve , really concentrating . You said this . Then you were going to say this what comes next ? It was horrible . It was so long and I don't know what . So long equated to 30 seconds , 45 seconds . I don't know that .

Speaker 1 8:59

Some audience members actually said take a breath . They're giving me advice as I'm standing there staring at them . Take a breath . You've got this cheering me on . And eventually I just decided screw it . I forgot what I was supposed to say . Let me just move on to the next point where I felt a little more comfortable because it was a little more storytelling . I felt like I was going to get something in there . To tell you the truth , I have not yet gone back . I don't actually know yet if I have the whole recording , but I have not yet gone back to watch . It's going to be super painful for me to do that .

Speaker 1 9:35

And at the end of this , since it was a conference to try to be a better speaker , people in the audience then give you feedback , and so all the other speakers were raising their hands and when people gave , they did it appropriately . They

Stage Fright and Mental Blank

Speaker 1 9:51

would give some kind of praise and then they would say well , maybe you should try this , or a kind remark . I think only three people raised their hands , and for everyone else it was at least a dozen . And of the three people that raised their hands , they just said good recovery , like your slides said good recovery , like your slides , like the sprinkle effect , like whatever it was . It was kind of lame and that almost made me feel worse . You couldn't even find something nice to say . That's how bad it was .

Speaker 1 10:31

And when I got off that stage , I'm telling you I wanted you got to stand up there and be professional and not look like you're upset and all the things . I would have liked to have gotten off that stage , walked out of the room and keep walking and then start running straight to my car , back to the airport and fly away as the tears were flowing down my face . But I couldn't do that . I'm a big girl , so I got to put my big girl pants on , sit in the audience and listen now to other people . And of course now I'm berating myself in my head as I'm watching other people who are getting up and doing a fantastic people . And of course now I'm berating myself in my head as I'm watching other people who are getting up and doing a fantastic job . And when we broke for lunch , my new friends , or my online friends that I now met in person , were so sweet and so supportive . But in the end , what are they going to say ? I mean , it happened , it wasn't good and I wished I really did wish that I didn't have to go back there in the afternoon . But it was the right thing to do . It's the professional thing , it's the mature thing to do and I did . And you know , same kind of thing watched other people , just thought to myself . I'm literally sitting in this audience thinking I think this is the end of my speaking career . I'm not meant to do this . What was I thinking ? How did I think that I could provide any value ? Look at all these other people . They're doing the thing I'm done . This is literally the conversation that's going on in my head .

Facing Failure and Self-Doubt

Speaker 1 12:20

And then I was reminded a few stories that Anthony Trucks , who is the person who is running this conference he's a former NFL player really interesting personal stories , no-transcript . And every time that he faced adversity he could have easily said forget it , I'm not good enough , I don't have the resources , I'm not strong enough , I'm not fast enough , I'm not smart enough . But instead he would look at the problem and say okay , here's what I need to get better at . What am I going to do to make that happen ? And he's reinvented himself so many times from childhood and I thought you know what ? What is it that separates the men from the boys ? Because that's where I was . I have two choices . Because that's where I was . I have two choices . I can look at this and say this isn't for you and put my tail between my legs and crawl away . Or I can say you know what , good for you .

Speaker 1 13:45

You got out there when you weren't feeling well . You kept going . You stayed in the room and learned from what you saw . This is what you aspire to be , how you aspire to be better . Now it's up to me to figure out how I'm going to do that . What am I going to do to become a better speaker ? And look , it could have really just been a one-off that day and I am really being too hard on myself and I do believe that . But that does not mean that there's not room for improvement . There's always room for improvement , regardless of what we're talking about , whether it's a hobby , whether it's something professional , whether it's parenting , like we all can use to improve . And if every time we quote-unquote failed , if we let that stop us , we're never going to move forward in our lives .

Speaker 1 14:50

And it was like a crossroads . I realized I've got to be brave and on the plane back home , I started

Choosing Growth Over Giving Up

Speaker 1 15:01

journaling and writing about everything that had happened and saying what am I going to do from here , what can I do ? And began to list things and ideas and things that I can do to help me get better . I'm not giving up . I have no reason to give up . I know that I've been successful at this , and just because I had a moment doesn't mean I should pack my bags and go home . Yes , there are people who are so much better than I am . Of course there are . That doesn't mean that I can't improve and I can't aspire to one day be at their level . I can .

Speaker 1 15:52

Hey , the name of this podcast is Maybe I Can , and I have to remind myself of that . I , too , have to remind myself of that because for the majority of my life , my knee-jerk reaction has always been , or had always been I can't do that or oh gosh , I can't do this . And what I've learned is I can do it , maybe I can do it , I can certainly try , and if it's something that I enjoy , if it's something that I feel called to do , you know , I started doing it in the first place for a reason . That reason has not gone away . So , instead of letting this deter me . I am going to let this spur me on . Is that the right way to say it ? And so maybe you're not a speaker , maybe none of those things matter . What matters is is that all of us fail , all of us suffer with imposter syndrome or I'm not good enough , or what was I thinking ? And it's really what we do after that , what we do after we fail , what we do after we mentally berate ourselves when do we go from there ? And I hope , when you find yourself in that place , you will join me in telling ourselves maybe I can , or , yes , I know I can , I know I can and I know

Call for Listener Stories

Speaker 1 17:33

you can too . Listen one of the things as I sit here and I've said this before and I am just looking at a screen , not knowing who's out there listening In the last few weeks , I've gotten amazing emails from listeners that make me feel so good and remind me why I do this right , because we're all in this life together and when we share our personal experiences with one another , and when we share our personal experiences with one another , it's helpful and encouraging and it helps to know that we're not alone .

Speaker 1 18:18

We're all going through this game of life together , all the bumps and the peaks and the valleys . So I'd love it if you would shoot me an email at debbie at debbiereweisscom , or a DM on Instagram , debbierweiss , and share with me or even if it's not about the podcast , share with me your stories of when you hit that moment , that moment of failure , where you felt like you can't do this . But yet you turned things around and now not only are you doing it , you're succeeding at it . I'd love to hear your stories and I would love to share them with my audience next time to help us all be inspired . So go out there , make it a great week inspired . So go out there , make it a great week . And I am telling you not even maybe I can , I know you can . We all can Talk to you next week .