Maybe I Can® with Debbie Weiss

Ep. 153: When Gratitude Feels Hard: A Thanksgiving Conversation

• Debbie Weiss • Episode 153

Share episode

Send us a text

This week’s episode of the Maybe I Can Podcast is a heartfelt one. Thanksgiving has always been a complicated season for me since losing my husband, and this year I found myself reflecting deeply on what gratitude really means—especially when life feels heavy.

In this episode, I share:
 • The Thanksgiving memories I still hold close
 • Why I resisted gratitude practices (for YEARS)
 • The moment it all finally “clicked”
 • How noticing one bright blue sky shifted everything
 • Why grief and gratitude can absolutely coexist

If this holiday season feels tender for you, I hope this episode brings comfort and a little light. And if it’s a joyful season, I’m grateful you’re here to share that too.

NEW! The Sprinkle Effect Book!
https://www.debbierweiss.com/thesprinkleeffect


***NEW FREE WORKBOOK**

Kickstart Your New Life with One Critical Step: A Practical Guide for Women Ready to Redefine Their Paths and Embrace New Beginnings.

DOWNLOAD HERE TODAY: https://www.debbierweiss.com/kickstart


MAYBE I CAN BEGIN TO CHANGE MY LIFE

This transformative six-module journey of self-discovery and empowerment includes a printable worksheet and offers lifetime access to all materials. Designed for those facing major life crossroads or simply seeking greater fulfillment, this course is your path to a more purposeful life.

LEARN MORE HERE: https://www.debbierweiss.com/beginchange


Work with Debbie! See all the ways you can work with Debbie to help you live the life you know you're meant for: https://www.debbierweiss.com/workwithdebbie


On Second Thought... Maybe I Can Book on Amazon: https://bit.ly/maybeIcanbook

Connect with Debbie:
Website: https://www.debbierweiss.com/
Instagram: ...

SPEAKER_00:

Hello, and welcome back to the Maybe I Can Podcast. I'm your host, Deppy Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today. Listen, if you like the show, please do me a favor, follow the show, share it with someone who you think could benefit from listening. I really appreciate it because doing those things, and believe me, I know it's a pain in the neck. I really do. I'm a podcast host and I still find myself not doing what I'm asking of you for other people. So I get it, but just know that if you do share, you're gonna be helping someone else. And so the little inconvenience of going and doing that is really not that big a deal. Okay, that's enough about that. So it's Thanksgiving week. And everywhere you look, people are talking about gratitude, what they're thankful for, what they're celebrating, what they have. But the truth is, for some of us, this time of year isn't easy. If you've been listening, you know that now it's almost coming up on three years ago that I became a widow. And the holidays, especially because my husband died on December 30th. My youngest son's birthday is December 31st, and that's New Year's Eve and New Year's and the whole thing. So it's it's difficult. And actually, for me, Thanksgiving was my husband's favorite holiday. He wasn't a real holiday guy. So the only one that he really loved was Thanksgiving. He loved the food, he had a whole procedure of what he did with the Thanksgiving leftovers and how he would prepare these sandwiches for himself either that night or the next day or for several days. He just, you know, he loved it. And I think back to Thanksgivings in the past where he would be cooking in the morning because he was the cook of the family. And even if we were going to someone else's house, Gary would still bring some dishes. And so I remember waking up on Thanksgiving morning. And back then, I used to go to this 8 a.m. jazzer size class. On Thanksgiving Day, one of the teachers was kind enough to hold the class so that we felt like we were getting a workout in before we stuffed ourselves with food. And I would come home and the kitchen would smell great. And then I would watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade as he was in the kitchen. And then after that, we would get ready to go. And it just brings back so many fond memories. But yet now Thanksgivings are different, right? And so whether it's that you're missing someone this year, which I think so many of us are, and it might not be someone who recently passed away. It could be several years, but this time of year just reminds you of them. And those Thanksgivings in the past that you celebrated together. It could be that this year you're spending Thanksgiving alone. But remember, you're not alone. Even though you might physically be alone, I get that, and I know how incredibly hard it is. I can tell you from things that I had done in the past on New Year's Eve. This is before Gary died, and after Gary died. And I would be here alone, celebrating New Year's. And I decided that on New Year's Eve, and I'll probably talk about this in a few weeks, that was the time where I would take advantage and I would create a vision board. And so it was something that I would get excited about and actually look forward to doing. So reframe the idea of how sad this is or how lonely you could possibly be feeling. And instead think of taking it as an opportunity to do whatever it is that lights you up. Maybe it's reading a book, maybe it's watching movies on TV by the fire. Maybe it is making a vision board or reminding yourself what you're grateful for. Lean into that. Or maybe this year you just feel tired. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and the idea of being grateful just feels like one more thing you're supposed to do, right? I thought that the idea, now this is going to come out wrong. I'm going to say that the idea of a gratitude practice, I didn't really understand. Now, of course, on Thanksgiving, you know, one time a year, yeah, could I think to myself what I was grateful for? Yes, although I have to tell you, I did not do that. And once I got into this whole personal development world, I remember so many different instances, people talking about a gratitude practice. And I was part of a mastermind once where before you could ask a question, you had to say what you were grateful for. And I thought it was dumb. If I'm being honest, which I always am, I didn't understand. And once I learned, oh, this is something that you're supposed to do on a regular basis, every day have a practice of gratitude, I thought, well, that's silly. Obviously, I know what I'm grateful for, and those things aren't changing because in my mind, they were my family and my house and my dog and my team members and all the, I guess, obvious things. So, what was the point of every day repeating the same thing over and over again? I just didn't get it. And then, several years ago, actually, my coach at the time, she sent me a gratitude journal as a gift. And I got that journal, and I thought to myself, this is very nice of her, but I was annoyed. Because now I was gonna have to use this thing. She got this for me. It was so thoughtful. Of course, I want to be able to be honest with her and tell her how I used it and all the things. And it had prompts in it, you know, questions that you had to answer every day. And actually, the journal had a morning and an evening component. The evening component I found hard to remember to do and to fit into my routine, but I really did start being intentional about filling out the prompts in the morning. And it had some other questions other than what are you grateful for? But every day I wrote the same stuff, those things that I just mentioned. And then one day I was walking yogi, my dog, and instead of having my face in the phone, I think actually, if I'm being honest, I did have my face in the phone, but for some reason something made me look up and I looked into the sky, and I happened to notice how blue the sky was. It was incredibly bright, blue, happy, I don't know. It just looked different to me. And I thought, wow, I am so glad that I am here on Earth on this beautiful sunny day, being able to experience this bright blue sky. And that it hit me. Oh, that's something different. I can write in my journal tomorrow morning. I was so excited, and I did that. And over the next few days and weeks, without thinking, I started noticing other things in my life that I was grateful for. I started paying more attention to nature, to what was going on around me, to the animals, the trees, all of the things. I was grateful when I went to the drugstore, and the same girl that I had these pleasant conversations with every day was there, and we chatted. And I realized, wow, you know what? I'm really grateful for the people in my community that I get to interact with and work with on a regular basis. And so now, yes, some of the days still, the things I was grateful for were the same, but they really started to vary. And what wound up coming out of this whole practice was the fact that I was more present and in the moment, because subconsciously I was really looking for other things that I was grateful for. And every time it happened in my day, whether I was stressed or relaxed, it gave me almost a little hint of joy. It was amazing. And I thought, oh my goodness, I can't believe this. Now I get it. Because when you are intentional about remembering what you're grateful for, whether you write it down or not, by the way, if you have a practice and the whole writing it down in a journal is too much for you, think it to yourself in the morning, when you get out of bed, when you're brushing your teeth, when or laying down at night, whatever works for you, when your head hits the pillow, before you close your eyes, or when you close your eyes, think of the three things that you were grateful for that day. I want to pause here and say, if you are listening, and this holiday feels very heavy, please don't feel bad if gratitude doesn't come easily. It's okay that maybe this Thanksgiving, your version doesn't look like the perfect hallmark movie. It doesn't have to be forced. Gratitude isn't about forcing yourself to feel happy. It's about giving yourself permission to notice the small moments of goodness even in the middle of the mess. So even if you are having a tough year this year, a tough holiday, there are still things that you can be grateful for. And don't put pressure on yourself. But maybe just listening to this podcast will make you think a little bit differently. Remind you, even though life feels so hard right now, there are still so many good things in your life. I guarantee it. Be grateful for maybe the quiet you are experiencing on Thanksgiving. Or take a nap. Or if you're grieving, try and remember the person, the fond memories that you shared on Thanksgiving, and let it bring a smile to your face. I know that when grief is fresh, that's super hard. And sometimes it's not a smile, but tears. And that's okay. Maybe you can just think to yourself that you're grateful that you had that experience with the person that you loved. And if you're so overwhelmed, maybe you're just grateful for one thing that went right today. A gratitude practice looks different for each and every one of us, and you know what? It can vary. Some days I write in my journal. I actually also have set a reminder on my phone for 1015 at night that says, when your head hits that pillow, think to yourself three things that you are grateful for. Gratitude, it doesn't deny pain. We all have pain and sorrow and loneliness. This is life. But it doesn't mean that sorrow and joy can't coexist because really they can. The more I practiced gratitude, the more I realized it wasn't changing my circumstances, absolutely not, but it was changing me. It's softened my thoughts and it does quiet my stress and help me to see that even when it feels like life is just letting me down, there is still so much beauty, and there are so many things in my life that I am grateful for, that I do still want to experience. But honestly, I didn't need the science. I saw it for myself. Even though I fought it tooth and nail, I experienced it. And now instead of being annoyed that my coach Shayna had sent me that gift, I'm forever grateful because it did allow me to be exposed to a way of living that I really wasn't understanding. So if you can't think of three things that you're grateful for, that's okay. Hey, this is all about the sprinkles, right? Bring it down. One thing, one thing you're grateful for. Maybe it's your coffee. Maybe it's the fact that you woke up today. Or maybe it's the fact that you made it through another day when life feels heavy. If you don't know where to start, you can always use my sprinkle card deck as a guide. And I've got to tell you that in a few weeks, I am publishing my own gratitude journal, a sprinkle of gratitude, because since I saw how well it worked for me, I've got to make sure that everybody else knows about it. Honestly, I find it kind of ironic. I went from the girl who thought gratitude was ridiculous to now actually creating my own gratitude journal. It kind of works like exercise. The benefit comes from consistency, not necessarily the intensity. Like I said, think of three things before you get out of bed. How hard is that? But if you do it every day, it adds up and it really will change the way that you feel. So before Thanksgiving, I want you to take one quiet moment for yourself. No expectations, no pressures, no nothing. Think to yourself, what's one the small thing I can be grateful for right now? Even if it's just the courage, that you have the courage to keep going. Because you can do it regardless of the hard times, regardless of how sad you feel or how heavy life is, especially during this holiday season. And on the flip side, maybe that's not the case, maybe you're excited and looking forward to this holiday. Either way, you can still find one thing that you are grateful for. You don't have to write it down perfectly, you just have to notice it and you have to feel it, and you have to continue this practice because it is with consistency that if you're like me and you think this sounds hokey, I am challenging you to give it a try. Your life will really begin to change. So, whether you're surrounded by family or spending the day quietly, I hope you give yourself permission to find that one small thing you're grateful for, because even the smallest spark of gratitude can bring light into the darkest days. Happy Thanksgiving. I am so grateful to you for listening to this podcast, for being there. You bring so much joy to my life. All of your emails, your messages, I can't even tell you how grateful I am. You will definitely be an entry in my gratitude journal. Happy Thanksgiving.

Head Shot

Debbie Weiss

Host