Ep. 154: A Mother’s Story of Hope, Healing & Resilience

In this episode, I set aside my planned topic and spoke straight from the heart. Today, I’m sharing my son Sam’s journey—his early struggles, the years of setbacks, the unfolding challenges, and the incredible transformation that has taken place in his life over the past few years.

This isn’t just a story about parenting or autism or mental health. It’s a story about resilience, about taking the smallest steps, and about holding onto hope even when the path forward feels impossible to see.

If you’ve ever felt lost, stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward, I hope this episode reminds you that you don’t need all the answers. You just need the next step.

Thank you for listening, and for being part of this Maybe I Can community. Your support means more than you know.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Off-The-Cuff Opening
• 0:45 Early Signs And Diagnosis
• 5:10 School Struggles And Bullying
• 8:50 Teen Years, Golf, And Marijuana
• 13:20 Crisis And Hospitalization
• 17:00 Aftermath And Job False Starts
• 20:16 Discovering Live Selling On Whatnot
• 24:20 Growth, Community, And Recognition
• 28:00 The Lesson: Tiny Steps Forward

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hello and welcome back to the Maybe I Can Podcast. I'm your host, Debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today. You being here honestly means so much to me. I know there are so many choices out there, so I appreciate that you're taking the time to listen to my show and this episode. And if you enjoy it, I really encourage you to share it with someone else who might benefit from listening. All right. With that said, maybe this isn't a good time to tell you to share because I am totally speaking off the cuff. I mean, five minutes ago, I said, I am pushing record. I'm recording this episode because it's on my mind. I had something completely different that I planned on talking about today. And so stay tuned next week for that. But I have got to share something with you because even though it's not about a woman at midlife or a caregiver or a widow, it's a little bit different, but I think that there's a message. And I'm a proud mama bear, so I really have to share. So let me give you a little backstory. I have two sons. I am 62 years old. I had my sons later in life. I went through years of infertility struggle. And so I had my oldest son, Sam, when I was 37, and then my younger son, Ben, when I was 39. And my older son, Sam, we realized when he was around 17 months old that he had some developmental delays. He was not speaking at 17 months old. He had not said one word, you know, a lot of times before a kid's one, they say mama or dada, not Sam. He didn't follow one-step directions, which of course, as a first-time mom, I had no idea that at that age they were supposed to be doing that. And there was a litany of other things. I don't know if you were supposed to do imaginative play at that age. I can't remember the benchmarks and when they were all supposed to fall in line. But I just know that at two or two and a half, we got the official diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. And we were devastated. Totally, totally devastated. That day I can take myself back there like it was yesterday, and those feelings. And from that moment on, it was okay, what can we do to help Sam? And I threw him in all different kinds of therapies. He was going to preschool with an aide from the time he was two. And then when he went into district at three, they had an integrated preschool with typically developing kids and kids that had special needs. And he had an amazing couple of preschool teachers and therapists and whatnot. But we were always fighting that uphill battle whenever Sam made progress. You know, Sam made one step forward, the other kids made three steps forwards. It was like no matter what, he could never seem to developmentally catch up to them. And then I think when he was five, he added ADHD and then pragmatic, I think that was what it was called, language disorder and central auditory processing. And I don't remember. There are so many different things. And I kind of felt like, I don't care what you call it, I don't care what letters they are, I just want to know how I can help my son. Luckily, intelligence-wise, he was average or above average intelligence, but he did have this, you know, language reading, comprehension issue that followed him. Unlike many kids that you I think, or at least I always pictured on the spectrum, he was not that kid sitting in the corner not speaking to anyone. As a matter of fact, he was just the opposite. He could not control himself emotionally, and he couldn't control the volume of his voice. Still really can't, gotta say. And he would shout out inappropriately or say inappropriate things, or maybe laugh at inappropriate times. And, you know, at a young age, I don't know how much the kids noticed. You know, I tried to have them have all these play dates with typically developing kids for years until the kids got a little older, maybe second grade, third grade. Now not the whole class is being invited to birthday parties. Now they start to notice the difference. And socially, Sam struggled big time. And it was so incredibly painful to watch as a parent. It was absolutely heartbreaking. He was pretty decent at sports, except that if he got upset, which you know, what kid doesn't get upset when they strike out or miss a shot at basketball, he would have an over-the-top reaction. And then that would isolate him even more. And then when there were parent coaches, they would get frustrated with him. And even as he went on in school, I saw the difference in some of the teachers who did not have that same level of tolerance. And I think maybe as you go further on into school years, the teachers really need to now, not that they're not teaching you, you know, you're one, two, three in ABCs when you're in lower elementary school, but you know, you get into that middle school age, and now, you know, kids are kind of more buckled down and focused on their studies and their grades and all of the things, and they didn't need someone who was disruptive to disturb them. And so, particularly in middle school, I can really remember some teachers not being very nice and bullying him. So he was bullied by teachers, not all. He had wonderful teachers too, don't get me wrong. He was bullied by kids, he was left out, he was inappropriate. Then when he started to go through puberty, watch out, those hormones really kicked everything up to another level. And so when he had tantrums, they were bigger, they were louder, they were scarier, and as he got older, it only got worse. He found golf, playing golf for the team in high school. That was an excellent outlet for him. I still can't understand someone who struggles emotionally and trying to keep their everything in check. Oh my gosh, golf is like the most frustrating game on the planet. So it still amazes me that he did play golf, took a break, and now plays golf again. And then maybe when he was like 16, some neighbor kids, the majority of them actually not nice. And when they were with Sam, they hung around with Sam because they used him for different things. And they introduced him to marijuana. Now, for someone who's typically developing, whatever your stance is, everybody feels differently. But for Sam, to us, it seemed like that was the beginning of an extremely violent and difficult period of his life. Whether that was coincidence or not, I don't know. I can say that the beginning of his junior year in high school, he was actually recruited by a college golf coach who really wanted to have him come play there. And his case manager and Sam, everybody was like, yeah, this is what Sam's gonna do. I mean, he was a solid B student taking college-level courses. So there was no reason. And then if he could go and play golf, and I thought, okay, he'll automatically have like a social community right away by walking in and being part of a team. You know, how great is that? And everything changed when he started smoking marijuana. His grades started falling, his outbursts got louder. He would get so angry, he would destroy property, never violent towards a person, sometimes scary, getting very in your face and screaming and cursing and clearly out of control, but never ever lifted a finger to anyone. But he punched holes in walls, a lot of holes, tore off doors, so many different things. And it was a very scary, horrible time in our lives. And you know, hopefully you're not out there quote unquote judging because I've been exposed to people who don't understand, who blame it on parenting, who are completely unfamiliar with any form of mental illness. I know one of the hardest times of all of our lives. It affected all four of us in different ways. Horrible for Ben, for Gary and I as the parents. We went to so many different psychiatrists. He was on so many different combinations of medicine by the time senior year of high school or the second half of senior year. I think that the teachers were so, I don't want to say done with him, but I think he just did whatever he wanted and they just wanted him to graduate. And we wound up not even going to his graduation because three days before that he was in the emergency room because he was talking about killing himself. Well, fast forward, he couldn't keep a job, little tiny part-time jobs, and eventually during COVID, and I'm not gonna go into detail, he was involuntarily committed into a mental hospital. And it was horrific, horrific for all of us. That pain, that scariness, I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did then and was so scared because he was 19, we weren't allowed to see him. I can't even imagine how scary it was for him. Because behind all of the yelling and the big talk and all of that, he's a little scared boy inside. And I wasn't allowed to be there to help him. Oh gosh, and it was just such such a killer. This kid has put up and been through so much, never knowing why he wasn't accepted and didn't fit in, and why he had all these struggles. And the hits just kind of kept on coming. And he was hospitalized for about three weeks, and then he came home and he did a lot of inpatient programs and whatnot. And so that was June of 2020. I don't remember how long that he was home without even trying to get a job. I would say at least a year and a half. And we really couldn't imagine, like, how is he ever going to be able to hold a job to function? He did eventually get a job as a cashier, and he seemed to be doing okay, but I don't recall what happened. I think four months, that was the record that he was able to hold a job. And then, of course, you know, my husband got diagnosed with terminal blood cancer in June of 2022. So that's two years after his hospitalization. And as you've heard me talk about before, from the date that my husband was diagnosed until the date that he passed away, that was six months. Those were an awful six months because my husband also was struggling with mental illness, and that was hard for Sam and Gary because they were both so similar and they would both get so annoyed with each other. You know, what is that? Like the pot calling the kennel black kind of thing, and the stress of it all. Okay, 15 minutes in, I'm still telling you this whole backstory because I want you to really understand. I want you to really get a picture of what this kid's life was like. He just was bullied, knocked, didn't feel successful at anything, had some brief moments with golf, with little snippets of things here and there, but for the most part, all he ever heard was he wasn't good enough or he was doing something wrong, or he had to shut up or sit down, or always being scolded. And from us too, I have to say, you know. And after Gary died, I thought, okay, I guess it's just Sam and I, and we've gotta figure out how to take a step forward. He doesn't know how to drive either, by the way, which was his choice. Not that he can't learn how to drive. He can certainly, you know, drive. He drives a golf cart, it's not that, but he chose not to. That's a another topic for another day, but something else that just makes him different. Well, about a year and a half ago, I actually read an ad for something I had no idea what the heck it was. It was to be a streamer on this app called Whatnot. Now, let me go back. Sam has so many gifts. And one of them is that if he is interested in something, he is going to learn anything there is to know about it. He's going to remember everything, and he's always been a huge sports fan, it's big into different types of collectibles. He had actually told me a few months before about this app or website called Whatnot, where you go on and sell things. You do like live selling shows. And he was trying to do that for himself, sell some of his baseball card collection. So when I saw it, I was like, look, Sam, and they use Whatnot. So this is something that you're comfortable with. Anyhow, long story short, he applied, he gets hired. It's about 20 minutes away from our house. He has to go to the studio. It's not something that you can, in this case, film at home. And it was working for a guy who was actually a year younger than Sam. And it was to sell NFL trading cards, not individual cards, but uh quite honestly, I don't really understand how it works, and I don't think that you need to understand how it works either. But he was committing to working 25 hours a week. And I was like, no freaking way. I mean, he was working 15 hours a week as a cashier at his past job, and that was too much. Like, you cannot jump in that quickly. But he did, and he had a lot of problems with the technology initially, and he had a lot of problems with understanding certain systems that were in place. But a year and a half has gone by. Not only is he still working there for oh, probably a year, easily. He's been working six days a week, typically 36 hours a week. So that means he has his own quote-unquote show six days, six hours a week. He is on this show for six hours straight. And he's kind of doing it all, right? He's chatting with people. People are able to like, you know, physically chat in the chat section, and he's managing that, and he's doing whatever he's supposed to be, showing the cards or whatever the heck it is that he does. I don't really get it. And sure, he's had things that have been difficult, and he and his boss have butted heads quite often. I think that Sam has quit three times in the last year and a half, knock on wood. Nothing recently, I'm very pleased to say. I think he and his boss have come to an understanding and he understands Sam a little more. But each time that he quit, it would be like a 24-hour thing. And then he and his boss would each calm down, they'd talk, and they'd work it out. And I would say to Sam, there's a reason that he's keeping you, right? Because most people wouldn't put up with this kind of behavior. You just can't keep quitting when any time you get pissed off. I said, You must be good at this. And he said, Yeah, I guess. I never thought of it because his boss is a kid and doesn't have great leadership uh skills. He's also a work in progress, as we all are. And finally, his boss told him, What are you doing? Why are you throwing it away if you get upset over something? And he said to him, You are good at this. And I gotta tell you, I don't think it's been that often in Sam's life that someone has said, You're good at this. And now it's hard to explain. I don't want to say he's gotten a promotion, but in a way he's gotten a promotion. He's making a lot of money because part of the money that he earns now, which is something new, is commission. And the kid never complains about going to work. Not only does he not complain, he is constantly interested in how the channel or the show is doing, even when he's not on. He is all in. He has friends all over the country. They're actually like his followers that come online specifically when he's on to attend his show and chat, and he has their phone numbers and he's texting with them. And my neighbor last week, a couple years older than Sam, said that he goes on Sam's show once a week just to check in and support Sam. And he told me when Sam first started, maybe he had like four people in his room when he was selling. He said, now there's 40 people. He said, Sam is really good at this. And I wasn't asking for any validation from this kid. Like this kid, I call him a kid, I guess he's 26. This kid was sharing this just to share. Because you know what? He's proud of Sam too. And he was saying that he thinks he's one of the most popular hosts on the channel. And look, it's so hard for me because I don't want to say that I'm skeptical, but there's nobody else. Like, how would I know? I don't know anything about it. I went on once when Sam first started just to see what it was about. But other than that, I don't have any frame of reference, and I don't have anybody else who can tell me what's going on. And last night I saw that Sam got something in the mail. He must have purchased a card because he still has his own card collection. He purchased a card from someone, and there was a note on it that said, It was an honor to have you in my room, which means like on as a guest, I was like, Sam, wow. That's incredible. Never in my wildest dreams, because what the heck do I know about being a streamer is a real thing. Not only is it a real thing, but this is the way of the future. He is so good at what he does. He loves what he does. He's passionate, he's motivated. What more could you possibly want? That's what all of us want with what we do for a living, right? He's got friends, he's socializing, like I know that I could never have imagined, even just a few short years ago. Literally two years ago, I saw no pant for him. I couldn't imagine what kind of career would work for him. He's not a person who's sitting at a desk, he's not a techie guy. I know some kids on the spectrum, they're into technology, and that's not him. He loves talking, and he loves skin sharing his knowledge, and he knows a lot about this. There is nothing more perfect. And so now, almost a half hour in of gushing over my kid, there is a lesson here. We always want to know the answer. We always want to know the solution, the path forward, which way to go. And so many times, it's not obvious. We don't know. And maybe it's that we aren't ready to know. Maybe we have to move ourselves along our own life's journey. But you know what? Sam did to think about how much he has had to overcome in his life one thing after another, socially, emotionally, so many different ways. There was no path out. Not that any of us could see. And then this happened. He moved forward. He took those steps. It was the worst day of our lives the day that Sam got taken away from our house in 2020. The worst day. But now looking back, it was still the worst day. But it was one of those things where someone has to hit rock bottom, right? You have to hit rock bottom to start figuring your way, clawing your way back. And it takes a long time to get there. And just the smallest steps. It's always about the smallest steps. And I think my message is you might not know the path. You might not know the outcome. You don't know how you're gonna get to wherever it is that you want to go. But you don't need to know. You do not need to know, and maybe you're feeling like you're hitting rock bottom. Maybe you're sitting there crying for hours on end. I've been there several times, not seeing a solution, breaking inside. It's the worst feeling. But yet, even in those moments, we need to say to ourselves, what is one positive thing? What is that one little step that I can take today in the right direction? And Sam has consistently put one foot in front of the other. And it is never a straight journey, it's still not a straight journey for none of us. It's not that straight trajectory, right? It's so many zigzags and forwards and backwards. But the point is, he continued and he is continuing. And now, at the age of twenty four, is finally hitting his stride. Because all of these past experiences, all of our past experiences, they make up who we are today, who we are showing up in this moment in our lives. And we need that in order to learn and to grow. And so I could not be any prouder of this kid, because I don't care how old he is, he's still a kid. I could not be any prouder of him. Because if I tell you the amount of abuse that he has taken by people, by society, I don't know sometimes how he got up every day and faced the world. But he did. And now, finally, he is stepping in to who he is meant to be, to what he's good at, what makes him feel good, and for the first time, I think, in his life, he feels good about himself. Not in every way, right? We all have things that we want to improve. I don't know if I'm gonna let him listen to this. And only because it's painful probably to listen to, I don't know where he stands. It's very difficult to, I think, revisit past difficult times in your life. But maybe someday down the road, my hope is that he listens and he knows that there is nobody that I have more respect for, that I think has been more courageous in his life than him. And this is so well deserved, and I could not be any prouder, and I just wish that Gary was here. I just hope that he's looking down and seeing seeing Sam step into his power. And let me tell you, I watched it for 24 years, and he's doing It. He's proof. He's proof that if you continue to get up every day, if you continue to take those small steps, no matter how small, just sprinkle them in. Do one thing. What's one teeny little thing that you can do today to move your life in the direction that you want. And you might not know what that endpoint is. You don't have to know what it is. You don't have to know. You just need to get up every day, put one foot in front of the other, and keep sprinkling, figure out every morning what's one small step I'm gonna do to move me forward in this journey. Listen, thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for allowing me to share this heartfelt journey. And I hope that you see the message and how it is not just about Sam, it's about all of us. We all deal with adversity. Whatever your adversity is, we can't let that stop us. And that's why this podcast is called Maybe I Can. Because, yes, not maybe you can, I know you can. We all can.