Maybe I Can® with Debbie Weiss

Three Questions That Can Change Your Next 10 Years

• Debbie Weiss • Episode 155

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In this episode, I share the three questions that helped me break out of decades of living on autopilot and finally move toward a life that felt meaningful, intentional, and alive again. These questions changed my next ten years, and I believe they can shift yours too—one tiny step at a time.

🔹 What do you want your life to feel like?
🔹 What are you no longer willing to tolerate?
🔹 And what tiny step can you take in the next 24 hours?

Whether you’re starting over, feeling stuck, or simply craving more meaning in your day-to-day life, I hope this conversation lands exactly where you need it.

👉 Listen to the full episode and let me know which question opened something up for you.
 👉 And if this helps you, please share it with one woman who could use a reminder that it’s never too late to begin again.

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SPEAKER_00:

Hello and welcome back to the Maybe ICED podcast. I'm your host, Debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today. Today's episode title is The Three Questions That Will Change the Next 10 Years of Your Life. Yeah, that's a lot to deliver. But before I get into that, I want to share with you something that really changed my perspective or reminded me of what my perspective needs to be. Something that happened this week. On Thanksgiving Day, a friend slash business acquaintance of mine passed away. She was 63 years old, way too young. It wasn't an accident. It was due to some health issues, but it was unexpected, shocking, upsetting, and really a good reminder about not sweating and complaining about the small stuff. And look, I know we all get these wake-up calls when something like this happens. And maybe that feeling lasts for a few hours or a couple of days. But I really think that it's a good reminder that we get so involved or caught up in the day-to-day quote-unquote struggles that we really forget about the overall picture. And I know for myself that for the longest time, I mean decades, that was me. I was just trying to make it through each and every day, right? Unscathed, not as stressed, nothing catastrophic going wrong. That hamster wheel thing where you just wake up every day, do the same thing, check the boxes, make notes on your to-do list of what you have to do tomorrow, go to the grocery store, do the laundry, go to work, get a haircut, you know, all those things. And sometimes it feels like drudgery. And is that what we want our lives to be? Now, I'm sure that you're answering no, but you might be thinking, well, this is life. What do I have? What can I do about it? And of course, none of those things are going away. Those are things that we have to deal with. But that doesn't mean that those kinds of things have to define your life and that you just get stuck in it, you know, in the thick of it, and not be able to zoom out and think about the big picture, where you're headed. I know for me, I kind of had an aha moment when I turned 50. And I realized that I just wasn't feeling fulfilled, whatever that is supposed to mean. I wasn't living my purpose. I wasn't sure what that meant. And if anybody or everybody actually finds their purpose, and maybe I was looking for more, or I was expecting too much out of this life. I mean, after all, I had a wonderful family. Of course, there were issues like there are in every family, but I had a small insurance agency that was doing fairly well. Some wonderful team members, a house, a dog, uh good cars to drive, all the things, right? Check, check, check, check against all those boxes. But was I living each day excited to greet each and every day? I can say absolutely not. I was just basically getting through each day until it was the weekend or until my next vacation, just looking forward, not enjoying the ride, so to speak. Any of this resonate with you? I mean, I was there for 50 plus years. So if this is resonating with you, please know that you're not alone. But what happened was, I realized that it was gonna keep going on this way. And the next thing you know, I'd be at the end of my life, looking back, saying, What the heck happened? Where did all this time go? How could my life be over? And I didn't do be have all of the things that I hoped that I would. And I've shared with you before, I had no idea what I hoped. I didn't know what I truly wanted. I just knew that deep inside that there just had to be more. And you know, you always meet people who seem like they are living their best life, so to speak. And you never know, especially nowadays with social media, if you're looking at something that's really authentically their life. But there are those people that you know fairly well who just seem to be enjoying the heck out of life. And I knew that I wanted a piece of that, but unless I did something to change my situation, that wasn't gonna happen. And so really, I think all the steps in changing your situation is looking inward instead of outward. Because so often we're looking for a partner or a spouse, a friend, a job to fix everything, to fix us, to bring us happiness, to bring us fulfillment. And I'm not doing an episode on self-love as I'm talking. Maybe I should, because this is a concept that was completely foreign to me that I can tell you that I did not have, I did not have a lot of love for myself. And I was always looking at it, trying to get it from outside sources. And that wasn't working for me, even though I had a husband who loved me. Maybe he didn't love me as I thought he should be loving me, but I knew that he loved me and my kids loved me and all the things, but it wasn't going to be enough if I didn't love myself. And I don't think that you can truly, really experience true happiness and fulfillment until you learn to love yourself and you learn that you are enough and you are worthy of love. And it's taken me six decades to get there. But I did, and you can do the same. All right, so now let's get back to these questions, the three questions that will change the next 10 years of your life. But they're only going to change the next 10 years of your life if you take the time to really sit down and put pen to paper and answer these questions. And you know what? If you try to do it one day and nothing comes out, you don't understand the question, you don't know what that means, and you're not getting clarity, that's okay. But you got to keep trying and keep exploring and keep asking these questions as well as and as long as we are honest with ourselves, right? I know when I'm telling myself some kind of BS, when I'm giving myself a line or telling myself a story. It's very easy to do because sometimes in the short term, it's easier. It's easier than facing those areas in your life where you don't want it for one reason or another. And maybe it's easier to stay in that day-to-day little hamster wheel. I guess on one level it certainly is. That's why all of us stay there. It's just easy and it's on autopilot, and it doesn't really take effort in the short run. But year after year, decade after decade, it takes its toll on you. All right, enough of that. Enough of me preaching. Question number one. What do I want my life to feel like? So many of us ask, what should I do next? But really, the real breakthrough comes from asking, how do I want to feel? And I think I really realize the importance of this when I have been doing a lot of podcast interviews, guesting on other people's podcasts. And they say, what's different about my life today than it was, you know, in my 40s, let's say. And really, the difference is how I feel. I am not that person anymore who gets up and thinks about my day with dread. Nope, that doesn't happen to me anymore. Yeah, do I have bad days? Of course. Am I gonna lie and say, oh, every day is so fabulous? Of course it's not. But I can tell you, most of the time now, I get up and I am excited. I'm excited, I feel lighter, more hopeful. And what am I excited about? I'm excited about what the day is gonna bring. Because now that I feel that I'm living my purpose, there's always something exciting in my day. Like today, I was a guest on a podcast, and we had just such a wonderful conversation. And she was the one who said to me at the end, how do I experience joy? And I said, you know what? That's the difference. That's how I feel each and every day, because I look at my calendar. And even if I'm doing some non-preferred activities, which I do every day because, you know, I have to, just like you do. But in addition to that, I know I'm gonna do something that lights me up, like meeting this woman and having a great conversation with her. That lights me up. It makes me feel alive. Or now I'm working on a new project, all of a sudden my creative juices that I never even knew existed, which I told everyone, I don't have a creative bone in my body. But the minute that I realized that was a lie and I pushed the boundary and stepped out of my comfort zone and tried to do something I had no idea if I could do, which was write a book, it seemed like once I opened the floodgates, the ideas just kept on coming. And so I recently created my sprinkle effect card deck and my gratitude journal. And now the next project that I have going on is um in a first draft of writing a children's book about the sprinkle effect. And I can't wait to do it. I'm excited each and every day. So just the idea that maybe I can work on my new project, my book for an hour, and I'm gonna talk to this woman on the podcast. And it doesn't matter that right now I'm also doing laundry, or that I'm gonna go on my supermarket website and place a pickup order, or I had to go help my customers with insurance. Maybe some of them weren't preferred activities, but it doesn't matter because I still had these things every day that are lighting me up. So what do you want to feel? How do you want to feel as you move through life? Maybe you want to feel peace. I mean, so much of my life was not and has not been peaceful that I realized someone asked me yesterday, they said to me, Well, are you stressed? I was like, you know what? No. And I don't think there's many times in my adult life that I've been asked that question that I could give an honest answer of no, no, I'm not stressed at all. I'm content, I'm peaceful, I'm excited, I have purpose, I'm proud of myself, I'm connected to other people. These are just some examples of how you might want to feel hopeful, alive again. That is definitely true for me. I would say the biggest one for me is lighter. I am just lighter. I'm lighter, happier, content. So I'm not asking you to figure out, well, how do I get there? Just answer the question What do I want my life to feel like? Question two. What am I no longer willing to tolerate? This is a big one for me. Real change often begins with setting boundaries, not coming up with a goal, but setting boundaries. Because especially women, I think we tolerate too much for too long because we feel guilty. We're fearful that maybe people won't like us if we say no, if we refuse an invitation, or if someone asks us a favor and it really doesn't work for us, we're afraid they won't like us if we say no. Maybe it's just out of habit that we're so used to just doing and being there for everyone and everyone else. And when that happens and we don't make ourselves first on that list, that's when we burn out, we get overwhelmed, and we're stressed. I remember that for me, I was a volunteer a holic. I could not say no. I thought, oh, they really need me. And of course, let's be honest, I felt good that they asked me. But when they asked me, I didn't want to let someone down. And I thought, oh, this is a good way to get involved in this organization. But what wound up happening, there was a point in my life where I was in one of the most stressful periods of my life at home, in my caregiving, with my kids, with my career. And at the same time as all of that was going on, I said yes to being the treasurer of three different organizations at the same time. How insane was I? You don't even realize that you're the one creating the problem, that you had a choice. I was burnt out. I was not at all putting my needs forget first, second, third. I don't even think I was last on my own list. And I believed that that was where I wanted to stay. And my friend really pointing out that I indeed had a problem. How can you say I want to be helpful and I want to be there for people and you're telling me this is a problem? It seemed ridiculous. Until it wasn't, because I did have to take a hard look at myself and realize, oh yeah, it's okay to put myself first. Not only is it okay, it's imperative because I'm not showing up as I want to in all the areas of my life that matter to me as a mother, as a wife, as a team member, as a boss, right? All of those areas and a friend. I wasn't. And why? Because I had stretched myself way too thin. So what have you been tolerating? Are you like me, a chronic recovering people pleaser or a people pleaser who doesn't realize she's a people pleaser just like I was? Maybe you're burnt out. You're tolerating living on autopilot, staying quiet about your needs. For whatever reason, you don't want to appear selfish. You don't love yourself enough to realize how important your needs are and that they do matter. Maybe you believe. What does it matter? My best years are behind me. Well, I'm here to tell you that's not the case because that woman that I told you that I would went on her podcast today, she's 79 years old. She has an incredible story. I think she said she's been doing a podcast for about six years. And she tells me something about launching a YouTube membership. 79 years old. She's launching a YouTube membership. Do you think that she believes her best years are behind her? Absolutely not. She said to me, so many of her friends, and I'm sorry for this, mom, I'm not saying this about you. So many of her friends live in Florida, they play mahjong, they go out to eat, they gossip about one another, and that's their lives. And if they're happy, there's nothing wrong with that. But she feels like her best years are still ahead of her. And she has a purpose and she's loving life and she's helping people. And not that she can't play the occasional game of cards or mahjong, but she just feels like her life and her purpose now is about so much more. And just like I feel, she doesn't ever see quote-unquote retirement in her future. So your best years are not behind you. Believe me, it doesn't matter how old you are. I don't know if I mentioned it a couple weeks ago, but I was when I was writing my book or after I wrote my book, I was on this group call with Jack Canfield and some other people. And maybe there was, I don't know, 15 authors, and I was one of the youngest in my 60s. So many of these authors were in their mid-80s, written their first book. I mean, come on. How inspiring is that? You're never too old, it's never too late. And question number three What tiny step can I take in the next 24 hours? Yep, you heard me. The next 24 hours. You know me and my message. It's all about the sprinkles. Because big changes, they don't come from big, huge actions, they come from tiny connections. Consistent actions, tiny little things that you sprinkle into each and every day. But perfection is not required. Just doing something. Anything is required. So whether that is, and I'll share my quick Weight Watcher story with you. Once again, I've had a weight issue my whole entire life. I've gained and lost over a thousand pounds. And in my 50s, I finally said, okay, something's got to change. I changed my mindset and I said, nope. Usually when I started a diet, it was, okay, I have to change the way I eat. I have to drink more water. I have to move more, even though I was always pretty good with movement. And then I would say, oh, and I must lose X amount of weight in X amount of time. And when I decided that I needed to do something different, I decided, okay, making all of those big changes at once was too much. And I was setting myself up for failure. So I need to try something different. So what I decided was, and this was over 10 years ago, I said it was Weight Watchers for me, and things were only in person then. I said, I am going to go back to Weight Watchers. I am going to attend a meeting a week. I am not going to care about what I eat. I am not going to care about if I'm moving, drinking water, none of that. And that's what I did. My only goal was just to attend the meeting. And that's all I did for a few months. And I didn't lose any weight. As a matter of fact, I think I might have gained four pounds, which in the past would have deterred me and said, okay, forget it. You can't do this. But nope. Instead, I set a small goal. It was a tiny action once a week. I'm showing up to this meeting. That's all I did. And then once I got consistent with that, I added another small thing, another small thing, another small thing. Three and a half years later, which in my old life would have been an eternity, and I never would have stuck with it this long, I lost 90 pounds. And that was about eight or nine years ago now. And I've maintained that weight loss. And that's never happened in my adult life. Yeah, have I gained a few, more than a few? Yes. But then I've been able to catch it and reel it back in, which has never happened before. It's the same thing when I started writing my book. Well, am I sitting down and writing a whole book, even writing a whole chapter? No, it was too much for me. So I'm gonna start with 10 minutes a day. Ten minutes a day, I'm gonna write something. Whatever it is, that was doable. Maybe it's taking a five-minute walk. How about cleaning? This is a good one. I really like this. Cleaning out one drawer. Maybe it's one dresser drawer. Maybe it's one junk drawer. The idea of overhauling, let's just say cleaning out your whole garage, because that to me is the most overwhelming. No, that's too overwhelming. See that little section over there? Just that one shelf that I have in my garage with all that junk on it. I am just going to clean that one shelf. And let me tell you something. Chances are you're gonna clean more than that, but that's not even the point. You are just gonna feel so good, and you're gonna see that really didn't take much. And look at how much better I feel by just cleaning that one shelf. That the next day you'll see, okay, that didn't take long. And look how great it looks. I'm gonna try shelf number two and so on. How about trying? Talking about what I'm no longer willing to tolerate, how about saying no to something small? I actually did that yesterday. I had this ridiculously packed day, and it was stressing me out. And I thought to myself, I had someplace I had to be at five o'clock after I was getting off a call literally at 4 45, and then the thing was over at 7, and I had an online meeting at 7.30. And in between, I needed to do some stuff around the house. Well, how was that working for me? It's not. It was it imperative that I showed up for this thing at 5 o'clock? No, it wasn't. I had made it up in my mind that I should really go to this. But you know what? When I'm looking at this day, when I'm looking at my sense of overwhelm and what it's causing me to feel and how I'm showing up, it's not worth it. I'm saying no. I'm sorry I have to cancel. I sent the email, I apologized, and they what are they gonna say? They responded very nicely. So sorry, understand, happy holidays. Done. And then mine the whole rest of the day changed because I wasn't feeling that horrible sense of dread or pressure or worried about how I was gonna get this done on time and then race over there and then be done and be race back home to get on the other meeting and all the things. Maybe today you're gonna send one email showing interest in something that you want that you've been afraid to do. Or maybe today you're gonna spend 10 minutes sitting down and answering these three questions. Let's go through them again. Question number one, what do I want my life to feel like? Two, what am I no longer willing to tolerate? And three, what tiny step can I take in the next twenty fours? Remember that reinvention, it begins with clarity and searching within for the answers, being honest with yourself. That's where it all happens. Not in big leaps, not by somebody else telling you to do something. These questions, they can literally open the door, they start the door, they make that quick sound, and open the door to the next chapter of your life. But you gotta be honest, you have to be aware, and you have to start with one small step. Remember, you are not too old, you're not too late, you're not behind, and you get to choose what comes next. I would love to hear from you and let me know what you learned about yourself when you answered these questions. And if this episode helped you, please share it with one woman who also needs a reminder that she can begin again, regardless of her circumstances, her age, no more excuses. We can do this together because you know what? Maybe we can. See you next week.

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Debbie Weiss

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