Ep. 157: Becoming Instead of Achieving

As the year comes to a close, I found myself reflecting — not on what I accomplished, but on how I changed.

For most of my life, I measured success by productivity. What I created. What I launched. What I checked off a list. But this year reminded me that real growth often happens quietly, internally, and without recognition.

In this episode, I talk about releasing urgency, taking pressure off myself, responding instead of reacting, and learning that not everything needs to happen right away. I share how these small mindset shifts changed my relationships, my work, and my sense of calm.

This conversation is an invitation to reflect differently — to look at who you became this year, not just what you did.

Because sometimes the most meaningful growth can’t be measured — only felt.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Rethinking Year-End Success
• 2:30 From Output To Inner Growth
• 4:45 The Weight Loss Mindset Shift
• 8:20 Business Without Urgency
• 11:00 Choosing Presence With Mom
• 14:40 Creating The Children’s Series Slowly
• 18:00 Responding Instead Of Reacting

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hello, and welcome back to the Maybe I Can podcast. I'm your host, Debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today. As I'm recording this, we're getting to the end of 2025. And I think it's pretty natural that at the end of a year, beginning of a new year, it's a time to reflect and pause and think about your accomplishments, what has happened in the last year, maybe looking forward, what you want, you know, 2026 to look at. And I don't know about you, but I was taught that you look back and you measure your accomplishments, right? And that's the first thing that came to mind when I was planning on this episode. And I thought, okay, well, I have to share with everyone what my 2025 accomplishments were. And I looked back and I started thinking about all the things that I did, that I created, that I was speaking places. I mean, my card deck, my gratitude journal, like all of those kinds of things is what first came up. And that's how I think most of us measure our years based on our productivity and our output. And then I thought, well, that's great, but really that's not the point. Wouldn't it be nice for a change if we stopped measuring or judging ourselves based on productivity? But instead about maybe the inner shifts, the changes that we have made within ourselves personally. Isn't that what it really is all about? Us evolving, thinking differently about situations, handling things differently. That is how we grow. I think it's harder to track because you don't see some kind of physical output. When I first started reflecting on this, knowing I wanted to talk about it, it was very difficult for me to think, well, what about me? What am I gonna share? It just wasn't natural to me to reflect on my growth as an individual as opposed to my growth on what I've created or how I've been successful. What about you? How do you usually decide if your year is successful? Let me what my changes were. I had to dig deep, do some journaling, and be honest with myself on what my shifts were. I think my biggest shift is that I realized everything doesn't have to happen instantly. I want instant gratification. Looking back and reflecting, I should see, let's say eight or nine years ago, when I lost a significant amount of weight, which I've done many times over my life, but for the first time in my life, here I am eight or nine years later, and I have maintained that weight loss. I've gone up and down some 10 pounds or so, but I usually catch it and bring it back down. And that's the first time that ever happened. What made that time different was my mindset shift. Because all the other times when I went to lose weight, I wanted it to happen instantly, right? It's like, oh my gosh, I didn't eat that piece of cake. I'm drinking more water. Like, how come the pounds just aren't shedding off me? I would set these maybe unrealistic deadlines at that time. I had a hundred pounds to lose. I'm not talking about 20 pounds here. And I would set these unrealistic deadlines, like if I don't lose 30 or 25 pounds in three months, then I'm a failure. Well, who said so? I mean, where was I creating these ideas? What was I thinking? Well, I wanted it to happen instantly. And then somewhere along the way, I realized no, it doesn't need to happen instantly. Actually, when it happens too quickly, then you don't learn anything. I never learned how to change my habits permanently. And it wasn't just my habits, the biggest thing was my mindset. It was all about how I was approaching it. And eventually, when I realized that that was not a diet, because a diet is something that you start and you stop. No, it was a lifestyle change, a lifestyle shift. And this is going to go on the rest of my life. Once I realized this is a lifelong journey, as long as I saw myself continuing on that path, and let me say it's not a straight line path. Okay, it took me about three and a half years to lose 90 pounds. In the past, I would have given up because I would have felt that I was a failure. But this time, I shifted my mindset and said, I'm on this journey for the rest of my life. So just relax, enjoy it, be proud of yourself along the way, learn from your mistakes, and that's it. When I look at where I am with my goals, with my business, with my book sales, with my new products that I'm creating with my speaking business, I want everything to happen quickly. Why aren't I selling this? I'm not getting enough, you know, speaking gigs. What what what is that about? I needed, I created everything should happen instantly. Well, wait a second. Is that what I'm in this for? No. I'm here trying to help people make a difference and a change in their lives. I am going to do this for the rest of my life. So why does everything have to happen right away? If I only reach one person with all that I do, is that enough? And the answer is yes. Because that's my goal. If I can help one person have a realization and spark something inside them that changes the trajectory of their life, wow, that's what I'm doing this for. If it's not thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that I'm getting my message out to and affecting change in their lives, that's okay because I remember looking back before I wrote my memoir and being in this small group situation with other first-time authors. And that was one of the questions. You know, what would measure the success of this book? How would you consider it successful? Would I like to be a New York Times bestseller? I'm not gonna lie, who wouldn't? But when it came down to it, I think all of us could honestly say we're doing this to try and help others. And if we're able to help just one other person, it's a success. Everything doesn't have to happen instantly. And that's when I realized I'd begin to take away that pressure. Every time I launch a new product or try something new, if I don't have immediate success, and success being, you know, financial success, like, oh my goodness, I've sold out of a product or a book, and it's not successful. Well, that's not true. I'm just gonna continue on my path and let things happen organically and stop taking the pressure off myself. I realized I was making myself crazy. And you know what? That's how you burn out. I'm in this to also enjoy myself and be personally fulfilled by helping other people. I don't want to have that stress and that pressure of hitting numbers and all of these different metrics. Yes, it's part of business, but you know what? I want to make this something that I can sustain. And so shifting that mindset this year has been a big change for me. Something else that I decided early on this year was that I was going to make sure that I spent more time with my mom. My mom has lived in Florida for over 30 years. She moved down when she was in her early 50s to change her life and be in an environment that she wanted. She had enough of these cold, cold winters in New York. That's where I'm from originally, even though I'm in New Jersey now. She got a job down there, and she and my stepfather moved down there. And I don't think she's ever looked back. She loves it there, would never want to come back. Now that she's older, traveling is more difficult. She used to do a lot more traveling to come up to see me or my brother in Ohio. It's harder for her. And so I made a concerted effort saying that I want to see her three to four times a year. And I know that that means that I'm going to go down to Florida to see her. In the past, I think that it would have been something that I said I want to say annoyed by, but annoyed is not the right word. One more thing to squeeze in, one more thing to figure out, treating it as a task, so to speak. And I don't feel that way. I'm happy to go down there. I'm happy to spend a couple of days. I like the idea that I'm gonna go back in a few months. It kind of makes it easier to leave, knowing that I'll be back soon. When I'm there, I enjoy spending time, not rushing, actually sitting with my mom, watching TV and movies and enjoying a couple of good meals. It's what it's all about. I have shown up and been more present in those moments. I'm proud of myself, if I'm being honest, because I kept my word. These are things that no one else can see, right? They're not something I created, they're not, you know, getting a raise at work or you know, anything like that. It's an internal thing. And so many people feel constant time pressure without ever questioning it. You know, I think we put so much pressure on ourselves, things that we've learned societally that we don't realize, hey, who says it has to be this way? It doesn't. You know, when you take that pressure off yourself, everything changes. It's really up to you how you view it. Another shift that's come to me at the end of the year, something I've thought about for several years, I've decided that moving forward, one of the next things I'm going to create is writing a children's book series based on my Sprinkle Effect book. I've thought about this for a long time, but I just had a moment of clarity. Now, what makes this different is this realization that everything doesn't have to happen right away. In the past, every time I've written something or created a product, I wanted it done immediately. It was like all I was focused on, I couldn't wait to create it, I couldn't wait to have it out in the world. This time, I've decided there is no timeline. This is my own timeline. If it takes me two years, so be it. It doesn't make a difference. Things happen. I'm not rushing, I'm not forcing, I am not spending money on things that I would have in the past because I felt, oh, I have to do it a certain way and it requires this amount of money. No, I'm not doing it that way anymore. I'm taking the time. I haven't lost the ambition. I am just changing the process and changing my mindset. I'm done chasing. It will happen when it happens organically. Yes, that doesn't mean that I'm just gonna sit around and not do anything. Of course, I'm gonna do something to make it happen. But it doesn't have to happen immediately. It doesn't have to happen in 2026 or 2027. Whenever it's supposed to happen, there's no urgency. That's the difference. Is that takes away all the pressure and it makes the process more fun. The pressure is all self-created. I really want you to reflect on all this pressure in our lives that we feel, we make up that pressure from other people. We feel like we don't have a choice, but we have a choice. When you realize that you're the one who's doing this to yourself, it could be a little difficult to accept. But the golden part is once you do, you realize that you have the ability to change that. And taking that pressure off yourself, moving forward in your life really changes things dramatically. Another thing that I've changed is that I am no longer reacting, I am responding. In other words, let's say I'm in a conversation with my kids, and they say something under me in the past, I would snap, not screen. And let's face it, that was the end of the conversation, right? Because it was no longer a conversation, because now they're defensive. I've noticed that I am now able to pause, feel the feeling, and not have that reaction. I'm able to just respond. And I think that this also has to do with this shift of releasing that urgency of getting my point across or having it worked out immediately and taking out that pressure. It doesn't mean that I don't care. Oh my goodness, obviously I care, but it means that now, really, what am I doing? I am creating such better communication with the people in my life, whether it's my team members at work or my family members or my friends. So, what still bothers you, but no longer derails you? Have you seen a shift like that? Because that's really what I'm talking about. And reflecting and sharing these stories with you, these are so much bigger. They matter so much more than the productivity things that we check off a list and say, Well, I checked this off and I checked that off. Because within us, these quiet things that you can't really see, they are changing your life in so many more ways than just being productive and checking something off. Growth like this, it doesn't have to feel dramatic to be real. These things that I'm describing, they're really tiny shifts that have a monumental impact on my life. And isn't it nicer to track your progress with your personal growth instead of all of your accomplishments? Now, if you're like me, these things might not come to you naturally. You could say, just like I honestly thought to myself, well, I didn't really grow. But then I started thinking about it. I started journaling, I really started reflecting. So I'm going to invite you to do the same thing. Take out a pen and paper and ask yourself, where have I stopped rushing myself? What reactions have softened this year? Maybe those things don't apply to you. How about what am I proud of that no one else saw? I think that's a real big one. Sit with that. Reflect on how you have personally changed, how you have grown, and be proud of yourself. This is really all about steadiness and patience and trusting yourself. For me, this year it really was about doing more, creating, checking things off the box, off my list. But when I changed my lens looking at this past year, I had become calmer, more grounded. I am so much more proud of those changes than what I've created. Looking ahead, if you're able to do that, then shifting and applying that on what you want for 2026. What are your personal goals? Looking ahead with that type of direction instead of deadlines. This year mattered because of who you became. Not just what you did. Don't forget that. Please reach out to me. I'd love to hear about your own aha moments and how you have personally grown and changed in 2025.