Ep. 158: The Quiet Evidence of Personal Growth

This episode was recorded on Christmas morning — a moment I didn’t plan, but one that felt necessary.

As the year comes to a close, I found myself reflecting not on productivity or accomplishments, but on something much deeper: personal growth. The kind you don’t notice while you’re in it.

After finishing a journal, I decided to read the very first entry — and what I found stopped me in my tracks. It reminded me how much time I used to spend worrying, settling, and believing every thought I had. And it showed me how far I’ve come without even realizing it.

In this episode, I talk about grief, reflection, awareness, and why growth often stays invisible until we pause long enough to look back. If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t “do enough” this year, this conversation is for you.

Maybe the most important thing isn’t what comes next —
but noticing how far you’ve already come.

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(Consider this your gentle nudge toward something new.)

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Chapters

• 0:00 Growth Over Productivity
• 2:36 Holidays, Grief, And Mixed Emotions
• 4:48 The Journaling Nudge
• 6:20 The Journal Entry: Wasted Time
• 9:10 Awareness And Reframing
• 12:20 Memory Lane Without Getting Stuck
• 15:00 Quiet Proof Of Personal Change

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hello and welcome back to the Maybe I Can podcast. I'm your host, Debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today. I don't know about you, but I find it just incredible how life sometimes feels like a series of coincidences. Let me explain. So last week we talked about reflecting back on our year, not looking at it as a way to measure our accomplishments, our productivity, but instead reflecting back and realizing just how much we've grown and celebrating that. Because to me, that is really much more of an accomplishment because I think personal growth, it requires you to be honest with yourself, take a hard look at things that you might not be happy with within yourself, and be honest in the things that you want to change or do better with. Decades, even if you were only 25 years old, that's 25 years that you've been conditioned to think and act about yourself and the world a certain way. And so changing that does not happen overnight. So first of all, kudos to you because I don't think that you'd be listening to this podcast unless you were already on that journey, unless you already realize that, hey, something's gotta give, and I'm not sure what it is. So let me listen to this woman who's 62 years old and who has walked the walk and been where I am. Okay, so that was last week's episode. And then today, which I'm actually, if you're watching on YouTube, I'm wearing my Santa sweater and my Santa earrings. It is actually Christmas Day. I did not expect to be recording this today, but so much on my heart based on what happened to me this morning that I had to share with you in this moment before I dash out the door and start my drive down to my cousin's house to celebrate Christmas with some of my family members. This coming week is for me mixed with a lot of different emotions. December 30th will be three years since my husband passed away. December 31st is my youngest's 23rd birthday. And of course, it is Happy New Year. And so all of these things combined, and they're they all really elicit such different emotions, right? Grief, almost disbelief, disbelief that it's been three years since my husband's been gone, disbelief that my baby is 23 years old, and excitement about the year to come, and also still feeling reflective about the year we're leaving behind. Now, even if you're not listening to this at this particular time of year, it doesn't make a difference. These lessons can always be applied. I think that we're short-sighted to be reflective only on these type of occasions or holidays, be it New Year's, be it your birthday. You know, for me, my birthday, I think, is a time where I feel a bit more reflective than this time of year, as reflective as as far as taking a hard look at myself and what has happened in the last year. All right, so let me bring you up to speed. So this morning, I was journaling, as I do. Not every day. I'd like to do it every day. I haven't figured out yet or been able to fit it into my schedule every day. That's where I am, and I'm good with it. So I finished my journaling for today, and then I remembered that I had been listening to an audiobook a couple days ago, and they were talking about journaling. And the gentleman reading the book said, you know, it's a good idea. This time of year, actually, and it wasn't really had anything to do with New Year's, go back and read your old journals. My first thought was honestly, read my old journals. Oh my goodness, I don't have time to do that. That's crazy. What will that do? That inner critic, that negative voice, it does just come through. But then I have to stop, pause, take a beat, and reframe. And that's one of the things that the areas that I've grown with substantially. And that's honestly what gave me the titles of my memoir on second thought, dot dot dot. Maybe I can. Because my first thought always sends to me, no, that's ridiculous. I can't do that, I don't have the time. But then, if I'm aware that I'm doing it and I pause, well, wait a second, maybe I can. So coincidentally, I got to the end of the notebook that I was using, my sprinkle of thoughts notebook. I actually got to the last page, and I was about to put the finished notebook in the drawer with the rest of the notebooks that I've accumulated over the years, and I remembered that message. And so I decided, let me just take a look. What date did this journal start? And I opened it up and I read the first entry. And boy, it hit me between both eyes. This was clearly a message that I was meant to hear now. And so I'd like to just share with you a little bit. And, you know, this is verbatim, right? Word for word. These were not words, perfect sentences, or thoughts fully formed that I wanted to share. This is my private journal. I just wrote what was on my mind. So maybe some of it might feel a little disjointed. I don't know, but it really wasn't meant for anyone else's ears. But now I want to share it with you. So the entry is from Saturday, August 2nd of 2025. And it says, because again, this was a brand, this is the first page of this journal. A new book, a new month, a new perspective. Scrolling and learning David Cassidy's last words were so much wasted time. Those were his last words, so much wasted time. And Mike dying really hit me. Mike was a friend of mine. So much wasted time on what? For everyone, the answer is different. For me, so much wasted time worrying about what might happen. Worrying about what other people think. So much wasted time blaming and complaining. So much wasted time being unappreciative. So much wasted time thinking about what if, but not taking action. So much wasted time not liking my job. Why do we do this? Why do we settle? Because it's easy. It's hard to try something different. Complacency seems easier, but in the long run, what happens? You might become bitter, unhappy, and detached. Then you'll be lying there at the end of your life thinking, I wasted so much time. That hit a nerve with you. Do you see yourself in any of those words? Hear yourself in any of those words that I shared. Because that's how I was feeling. And reading them really made me think about really how much if I was judging this year on my productivity alone, I would have missed this completely. Just the idea that I'm questioning and paying attention to my thoughts. To how my thoughts are controlling the outcome of my life. First comes the awareness, right? For fifty plus decades, I had no awareness. I had no awareness of my thoughts. I didn't realize that I was the one feeding myself this information. I believed whatever those thoughts were. And boy, I'm actually really proud of myself reflecting now and seeing that I was wasting so much time worrying about things that might never happen, that really don't make a difference, that don't move me forward. Wow, how did I become this person? You don't realize how much you're growing in the moment, right? I think it's just like everything else. I equate it to looking at my kids when they were young and seeing them every day, and you see someone every day, and you don't notice. You only notice when you look back at pictures, and then you look at them now. As a matter of fact, last night I went a little bit down a rabbit hole of memory lane photos. It was Christmas Eve, and this was the first time in a long time that I wasn't with family friends on Christmas Eve, and I wound up going through all of these old photos with my friends and my family members and loved ones who were no longer with us and putting myself back in that time and looking at my kids. And I have to say, I felt a little melancholy on one hand, but then on the other hand, I thought, look at my kids now and look at me now. I want to look forward. I don't want to waste the time looking back and thinking, I wish I could jump back into that moment in time. I think all of us wish that we could jump back into moments of time that were incredibly joyful, or with those family members who are no longer with us. But we have those memories. We're here, right? And our family members, they blend us to look forward and to live in the present moment, not in the past. That doesn't mean that we can't cherish our memories. I think that we absolutely should. But this type of reflection really showed me, wow, how much I've grown. I would have gotten myself pretty darn depressed. And I would have, in my own mind, gone down a rabbit hole of why things aren't good. And wishing that things could be different. Thinking what if? And I'm not doing that anymore. And that is growth. And I would never have recognized it unless I was aware, I was open, and I listened to the whispers that the universe was telling me. Because I read that book at just the time that I was finishing this journal that paused me to go back and read from Saturday, August 2nd. I had no idea. It's amazing. Growth does not announce itself. I think I got off track before when I was talking about how we live with our loved ones day-to-day, and we don't notice how much they're physically growing or changing because we're in it in the day-to-day, and it's the same thing with recognizing our own growth. Doesn't necessarily have to talk about physical growth, but our own internal growth. It's very hard to notice until we reflect, until we give ourselves that opportunity to see how far we've come. And to be grateful and measure that personal growth. Doing these things, revisiting old journals, memories, think about where you were, where was your headspace? Forget Luvia what you've looked like, and you looked younger, or maybe you were thinner, or what stop with that judging. It's not about that. Think about the person that you were. The person, not your body, not your outward appearance, inside your person. Who were you then? And who are you now? And reflect on really how far you've come. I am sure that it is inspiring. Because I know that you are growing personally. You're growing on the inside where it makes a difference. Last week we talked about measuring growth differently, not like productivity. But this experience reminded me that sometimes the proof doesn't show up. And for me, this Christmas morning was me slowing down enough to see it. I closed that notebook, thinking that for some reason, today, I needed to hear this. And maybe, if you're listening, there's something your past self already lived or learned that you're ready to hear too. So as this year comes to a close, maybe the most important thing isn't what comes next. It's noticing how far you've already come. Thank you for listening, my friend. And I'll see you next week.