Maybe I Can® with Debbie Weiss
You have the power to change your life regardless of your circumstances. With over 50 years of experience dealing with some of life’s toughest challenges, Debbie is an expert in chasing your own dreams in spite of your circumstances. She is an entrepreneur, inspirational speaker, family caregiver and mother. She has overcome her own limiting beliefs and fears allowing her to begin to live her best life and her life’s passion is to help and inspire others to do the same. In her spare time, Debbie loves to laugh, dance, read and stay active. Recently widowed, Debbie is still following her dreams and wants you to follow yours. You are on this journey together. Every Wednesday, Debbie will share some ideas to help inspire and motivate women to live the life you want. Debbie will also introduce you to those that have helped her on her journey, as well as share other women's stories of inspiration. To learn more about Debbie or to reach out with any questions or episode ideas, please visit www.debbierweiss.com
Maybe I Can® with Debbie Weiss
Ep. 161: Nothing Changed Until I Did
For a long time, I believed something outside of me needed to change before my life could change.
More money. Better timing. Less stress. Someone else stepping up.
I didn’t realize that belief was keeping me stuck.
In this episode, I talk about the slow, quiet realization that nothing was going to change unless I changed — not through action at first, but through awareness. Awareness of my thoughts. My stories. The things I was avoiding. And the responsibility I was afraid to take.
I share a deeply personal story about money, shame, and the moment I stopped waiting for a miracle and started facing the truth — even without a plan.
This conversation isn’t about fixing your life or taking massive action.
It’s about noticing.
Getting honest.
And realizing you have more power than you think.
The moment you realize nothing will change unless you change isn’t the moment everything shifts - but it is the moment anything becomes possible.
🌸✨ WELCOME — START HERE ✨🌸
(Consider this your gentle nudge toward something new.)
💖 NEW! The Sprinkle Effect™ Card Deck
52 small mindset shifts to help you reconnect, refocus, and rediscover joy — one sprinkle at a time.
👉 https://bit.ly/4pUvreV
📘 NEW! The Sprinkle Effect™ Book
Small sprinkles. Big change. This is where the magic begins.
👉 https://www.debbierweiss.com/thesprinkleeffect
🌱 FREE GIFT FOR YOU
Kickstart Your New Life
A simple, life-changing workbook for women ready to turn the page and begin again — gently.
✨ Download here: https://www.debbierweiss.com/kickstart
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Maybe I Can: Begin to Change Your Life Course
A six-module journey designed to help you move through life transitions with clarity, courage, and confidence — at your own pace, with lifetime access.
👉 https://www.debbierweiss.com/beginchange
🤍 WORK WITH ME
From speaking and workshops to coaching and collaborations — explore all the ways we can sprinkle forward together.
👉 https://www.debbierweiss.com/workwithdebbie
...
Hello and welcome back to the Maybe I Can podcast. I'm your host, Debbie Weiss. Thank you so much for joining me today. So today I want to talk about the moment that I realized nothing was going to change unless I changed. I mean, honestly, that's what I'm going to talk about. That moment makes it seem like it was the heavens opened up, and that realization popped into my head. I wish it were like that, but it wasn't. Looking back more than a decade ago, I'm really trying to tap into what was happening and when this realization happened. I gotta be honest, I'm not really sure exactly when it did. I'm just gonna share with you some moments that I remember changing my awareness, changing the way that I was thinking. It doesn't matter how it happened for me, it's just really about me being able to make you aware that it's possible that you might be thinking the way I used to think. Which was that I didn't have a choice, that I was waiting for something external to happen to have it change, right? When I'm thinner, when I make more money, when I get that new job or promotion, or in the summer when the weather changes, there's something about sunshine that just makes everything better. Sunshine and warmth, I should say, that just seems to make everything better. This episode is not about taking action. Not at all. Because I think what comes before taking action, which is this awareness, is even more important because it's more foundational. You can take action without the awareness, and it just isn't gonna stick. It just isn't. All right, so let's see how do we become aware? I can tell you, I'll share with you one of the stories that I had shared with you in the past of at least one moment where I can specifically pinpoint that I did that was in February of 2020, right before the world shut down. Back then, Oprah was doing a tour of, I don't know, 10 cities about around the country, around the United States, in conjunction with Weight Watchers. And if you've been listening, you know that I had been a lifelong Weight Watcher member. And so my cousin and I went into Brooklyn to the Barclays Center to see Oprah that that February weekend day. And it was a fantastic, uplifting day. At the end, Oprah came out on stage and shared a very vulnerable story, which I can't remember the details, but it doesn't really matter. And after she shared that story, she said something like that all of us are walking around with secrets inside of us, and we try to keep those secrets at bay. We don't really like to think about them because they bring us stress. It's something going on in our lives that we are failing to address because whatever that something is, is scary and hard to address. It's difficult, it's really coming to some realization or looking at yourself with honesty in the mirror, and that's super hard. But she said, if you don't bring that secret up and address whatever that is head on, then eventually, one way or another, it's gonna come out on its own, and it's going to erupt like a volcano. And then you're literally going to have no control. She said, You are so much better off dealing with that now, even though it could be hard and painful in all the things. In the end, it is going to be infinitely better than waiting for that eruption. You are going to have a lot more control now than you would once it erupts. And as I sat there listening to this, my heart was beating fast. Tears started streaming down my face. I didn't share with my cousin while I was crying. I think she probably thought it was about a variety of things going on in my life. But what was really going on as I was listening was me thinking about my money situation, my financial situation that I had secretly, I was aware of it, but nobody else in my life was aware of it. My husband had an idea, but he had no idea to the extent that I had gotten us into, or the mess that I had gotten us into financially. I was ashamed. And I can tell you that every time that I thought about it, or every time that I went to pay the bills, or I'm self-employed. So every quarter when I had to make my estimated tax payments, I was sick to my stomach. And I was scrambling every time trying to figure out how the heck I could possibly do this. And in 2020, everything was coming to a head. I was not going to be able to continue paying my monthly installments to the IRS because I was unable to pay the correct amount of estimated taxes in previous years. Then I would have a big balance due that I wouldn't be able to pay in full. So I went on an installment plan. And I was able to do it that way for a while until all of a sudden I wasn't able to pay my estimates at all for one year. And the amount of tax that I owe was a lot. And when that got added to my already large monthly balance, they were asking me for crazy amounts of money per month that I just couldn't do. I mean, there was just no way. And so in my own mind, I thought, okay, well, maybe I'll win the lottery, right? Maybe I'll win the lotto. Except the problem was I wasn't playing it. And we all know that that's like one in a billion chance that that happens. That's not a very good strategy. I didn't know what the answer was. But the only thing that I knew in that moment is that Oprah really, her words really resonated with me. I knew at that point that I was already headed for that explosion, that volcano that she talked about. And I didn't want to have it feel as out of control or more out of control as I already felt. I knew as I left that arena that day that I was going to start to focus and face this problem head on. Even though I didn't know the solution, I didn't see a way out. But I had some ideas in mind of action, at least small things that I could start to take. And I'll tell you, the thing that really helped was once I did take ownership, once I knew I was prepared to tackle this head-on, even though I knew it was going to be hard, it felt darn good. The thing about this awareness is that it wasn't supposed to be about self-blame and criticism, because how many times had I done that to myself, telling myself repeatedly how terrible a person I was, what a poor money manager, and how I should have faced things head-on earlier in this process. I wouldn't have gotten to where I was today, which felt like I was drowning. But what good was beating myself up. The empowering thing was that I was now aware that no fairy godmother was coming down from above, waving her magic wand and making everything better. Believe me, as a Disney lover, Tinkerbell, come save me. I wish that were the case and I wish that I could do the same for you. But I can't. However, this is exactly why I'm recording this podcast. Because maybe there's a place that you've been hoping that something would just miraculously change on its own. Maybe there's a place in your life where you feel stuck. We've all been there. How do we try and avoid this awareness? I would try and stay busy, focus on other things, push those feelings down, those feelings of stress when it came to money or anything else that was going on in my life, not just money, I'm just using that as an example. So please don't think that if money is that doesn't relate to you, it's not necessarily supposed to. It can be about anything. Are you keeping a secret? You might not even realize that you have this secret. I can look at myself and think to myself, where am I currently stuck? What secret am I keeping? Before I hit record, I didn't think to ask myself that. I've got to really take a hard look at myself and see what stories am I telling myself. I might have mentioned to you before that I got this idea to take the sprinkle effect and make a children's book series out of it. I have a lot of ideas, but I also have this limiting belief that it won't work because I'm not a real writer. I don't know anything about children other than being a parent and all that kind of stuff. I'm not a teacher, I'm not a child psychologist, I'm not specifically a children's book author. I am telling myself stories of why it won't work. And if I keep telling myself those stories, I'm going to speak back truth into reality. So I've got to be aware that I am functioning with these limiting beliefs talking to me in the background. Awareness, it doesn't ask you to fix anything. It just really asks you to be honest with yourself. At your life, at your thoughts, think about all the different areas of your life. It could be work, financial, your relationship with your partner. I can think of so many times that I, and this was one of the stories that I told myself when it came to money. One of the things that happened when it came to money, I knew that early on there were other things that we could do. We could cut back on our food bills or some of the other bills that, you know, they were small, but everything adds up. Or I really thought if I really wanted to handle this once and for all, the smart thing to do would be sell our house and downsize. But my husband struggled with anxiety and depression. And anytime I brought money up, or anything, really anything that he found stressful, he shut down. He would stay in bed for days, or he wouldn't speak. The other extreme made it very uncomfortable. And so I kept telling myself: once Gary feels better, once he's in a better headspace, once he goes to this psychiatrist, is on this medication, does this therapy program, once he's better and back to quote unquote normal, then I'll be able to talk to him as my partner and make these decisions together. And that just allowed me to keep telling myself a story. This is what we do, but we have to realize because it's very hard to become aware and not criticize ourselves, blame ourselves, judge ourselves for our past choices. I mean, oh my goodness. That was me. All three of those things I was constantly doing, especially when it came to money. I should know better. I was a CPA, I'm an insurance agent. I understand everything about money and budgeting, and that makes it all the harder, uglier, and more shameful. But you can't go there. You can't blame yourself. What's done is done. We've all made mistakes. We learn from those lessons so we don't repeat the same patterns by taking responsibility is empowering. Because if I think that whatever that thing is, that secret, that problem, that area in your life where you feel stuck, it's empowering to say, okay, no one's coming to save me. But I'm here and I can save myself. It's important to know that you might not have caused the situation. Just like Gary, I didn't cause his anxiety and depression. This was a clinical diagnosis. He had a mental illness. I had nothing to do with it. But I was responsible for how I responded to it. Men people resist taking responsibility because it feels like pressure. It's easier to say there's nothing I can do. If I take responsibility, you might feel pressure. But I would say it's not, because it is honestly not pressure. It's where freedom begins. Because that shows you that regardless of the circumstances, regardless of all of the outside things that are happening, whatever, like in my case with the with people, I can name different reasons why I got into that money problem in the first place. And I have a laundry list of them. Those reasons were true. However, I was still the one that responded in a certain way to those things. Now that you know this, it should feel empowering. The shift comes not by figuring out how to take action or choosing what to do, but it's taking the ownership. That's where the change starts. It's just like in general, a new life isn't going to happen overnight. It's a work in progress. But you have to choose to stop telling yourself stories that are keeping you stuck or keeping that secret inside you. You have to choose to believe that change is possible, even if you have no idea how to make that happen. As I said earlier, if you start to take action without having this awareness, it's all about pretty much everything. When it comes to changing our lives, heading in a different direction, creating the life of your dreams, whatever that might be. Anything from something big to small all starts with a change in your thinking and awareness. Awareness of what you're thinking. Awareness that you are the one blaming everyone and everything else. Awareness that you got the power. My favorite quote. You just had to learn it for yourself. It's my favorite quote because until I was in my 50s, I hadn't learned it for myself. And maybe that's you too, but I am here to tell you that you have the power. You don't have the power to make everything in your life go exactly according to plan. That will not happen. And that's quite alright. There'll be roadblocks, but also pleasant surprises. It's really about being aware, taking control, and then taking action. But no action until you truly understand maybe what is it that you're avoiding, maybe by choice, or maybe you're waiting to get some kind of clarity. Maybe you feel stuck because you don't have a plan. You don't even know where to start. And that's okay. So many people rush past this. I'll go to my weight loss example. I need to lose weight, so what do I have to do? I'm gonna eat 1200 calories a day, work out three times a week, and drink a gallon of water a day. Ready, go. Yeah, I'm sure you can do that for a limited amount of time. But in the end, if you don't change that awareness, take ownership and really see what's going on in your head, those actions are not gonna stick. This moment, even though I said in the beginning, was oh, the moment that I got complete clarity. It doesn't happen like that. I'm hoping that this episode is the thing that will give you the awareness that will allow you to really start examining. The thoughts the stories that you're telling yourself. Look at different areas of your life where you'd feel stuck. Once you figure that out, why am I stuck? What am I waiting for? Who do I think is gonna come save me? When it came to my relationship in my marriage, it's always like, well, he does this and he does that and he needs to change. Otherwise, this isn't gonna work. We all know relationships are a two-way street. You can't wait. Do you want your life or the path of your life to be determined by someone else's actions? No, definitely. What good is that? You want to be in charge of your life, and you are in charge of your life. You might think that you know that. But I want you to be honest with yourself. I want you to examine and question. And if you're uncomfortable, that's okay. If you're uncomfortable, that means you know what areas you need to start. Again, this week, I don't want you to have a plan. I don't want you to take action. I just want you to take a hard look at what's going on in your head, in your heart, and in your life. Awareness comes first, and taking responsibility is empowering. And having choices opens the door to endless possibilities. You don't have to act and you don't have to decide anything today. I wouldn't love it if you would open up a notebook and just start answering the question: what secrets am I keeping for myself? What or who am I waiting for to swoop in and fix something for me? And see where that takes you. That moment when you realize nothing will change unless you change isn't the moment that everything shifts, but it's the moment that everything and anything becomes possible. Please make it a great, great week, and I can't wait to talk to you again next week.
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