The 5 Stages of Perseverance No One Talks About

In this episode of the Maybe I Can Podcast, I talk about something we all think we understand — perseverance — but may not fully recognize in our own lives.

Because perseverance doesn’t always look the way we expect it to.

We imagine it as those big, powerful moments where everything clicks and we push through and succeed.

But in real life?

It’s much quieter than that.

Lately, I’ve been working through a bit of a funk in my business — struggling with motivation, questioning things, and feeling resistance in areas that used to feel easier.

At the same time, I’ve been learning something completely new (Mahjong), and it showed me a different side of perseverance — one that includes frustration, slow progress, and learning curves.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, unmotivated, or questioning yourself lately, this episode will help you understand what’s really happening — and how to keep moving forward.

🎙 Let me know in the comments:
 Where are you in your journey right now — and what does perseverance look like for you?

Transcript

Welcome And Why Perseverance Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, and welcome back to the Maybe I Can podcast. I'm your host, Debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today. So, today I want to talk about perseverance. I think that maybe we have some images or ideas of what perseverance is and what it looks like. And something that kind of came to mind this week is that it doesn't necessarily have to look exactly the same. There are kind of different types of perseverance. And let me tell you what I'm talking about. I've got to bring it back to my own example. So last week I talked about I was kind of in a funk, which I'm still there, by the way. I'm working through it. And perseverance is one of the ways that you get through those funks. So if you didn't listen to last week's episode, it's okay. You don't need to, although of course I would like you to go back and listen to it. But last week I talked about how I felt in a funk with my business. I didn't feel, or I should say I don't feel like because I'm not I'm not there yet, but I don't feel like creating social media posts, you know, creating those videos, especially because if you follow me on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok, I typically made videos outside when I was walking yogi, my multi-poo, every day. And since yogi's no longer with us, I don't walk like that anymore. And so then it stops me from creating the videos because those videos just kind of came easily to me, just kind of as I'm riffing here, talking to you about whatever's on my mind. I would do the same thing with those videos, just in short little snippets. And now that I don't have that time, I really am struggling with doing it because now it feels like work. And I don't want that. I don't want my videos to be a canned message that sounds like um a robot or something like that. That's just not who I am. I want the raw truth. And that morning time when I was walking yogi kind of gave me a time to think about it and then to record it. And so I'm in the process of trying to figure out, okay, now I've kind of got to pivot with that and figure out another way. But right now, I don't feel like making the videos. I don't feel like posting. I don't even feel like answering emails. It just all feels like drudgery for me right now. On the flip side, over the last few weeks, I have started to learn how to play Mahjong. Now, I've got to give you a little bit of context. If you don't know what it is, it's a tile game that was, I believe, initially created in China and wasn't really mainstream here in the United States. I can't speak for other parts of the country. However, my mom has been playing Mahjong for over 60 years. I have such vivid memories of being a little girl. And when it was my mom's turn to host those mahjong games on Tuesday night, I would love it because that was the only time I felt like we had really good snacks in our house. And so my brother and I were allowed to come down and take a few snacks while the ladies were playing. Of course, back then everyone was sitting around the table, not just eating snacks, but they were smoking up a storm, all four of them, which is just so funny to think about now. That was normal and that was okay, and that was accepted. And it was soothing for me to hear the tiles as they kind of click-clacked, and I didn't have any idea what the heck the ladies were talking about when they would be saying, two bam, three crack, one dot. I'm like, what are they speaking? A foreign language. And you'd think that I would have learned to play because my mother never stopped playing. She still plays several times a week and she loves it. And honestly, I never had the time or desire. So I've started to learn. And I'm telling you, after that first lesson, my mind was blown away at how I guess right away it felt so confusing. Felt like I was learning a foreign language. And I thought, how am I ever going to learn this? How do people learn how to play this? And I had no idea. What I'm realizing is that learning how to play mahjong is a different type of perseverance than continuing on in my business. Because continuing on in my business, it's about just doing the things that I don't want to do. Whereas in Mahjong, I am actually loving it. And I'm surprised that I am. But it's a different type of feeling because I love it versus not really loving some of the things that I need to do on my business side. You know, sending emails and coming up with content, it's hard and it feels hard. I'm in a season right now where it feels hard. And so I gotta say, right now I don't really like that. Versus Mahjong, I'm really loving it. But I sometimes feel frustrated. Oh my gosh, there's so many rules. How am I ever going to get this? Or I think I should be better at this point, which is ridiculous. Three lessons in, I don't think that I should be better. I do feel myself gaining more of an understanding with each lesson, but it just feels so slow. Sometimes I feel like for me, it's almost like I have this vision of perseverance as powering through, just pushing through, even when you don't feel like it. And it feels like should be these big inspiring moments. I did it, I climbed that mountain, I got to the top. But really, most times, perseverance doesn't look like that. I'm thinking of, and I don't know where I've seen this post when you see the word, right? Like perseverance, and then you see that person climbing that mountain and getting to the top and raising their hands above their head, they persevered and they made it. It it doesn't really look that big most of the time. Instead, it just shows up in everyday moments. And for me, right now, it's in my business and then learning something new. For you, it could be a conversation that you've been avoiding. Maybe it's something that you keep putting off and telling yourself a story. I've been there. Maybe it has to do with taking care of your body, moving more, eating better, whatever it is, or just showing up for yourself in some way. It doesn't necessarily look dramatic, it's actually ordinary. Perseverance doesn't show up when you feel motivated, it shows up when you feel resistance, right? Because when you're motivated, you just got it. You're on autopilot, you're excited. What I've started to notice is that perseverance actually moves through different stages. And if you recognize the stage you're in, you're less likely to think that something is wrong. So let's talk about the stages. The first stage is resistance. I don't feel like doing this. Ugh. This is the first moment, and it's subtle. It's just that thought. I just don't feel like it. Ugh how many times in a day do I say that to myself? A lot, right? It happens every day, and I'm sure that if you think about your own life, you don't realize how you really are persevering. Think about everyday tasks. Gosh, I don't want to go this is me. I don't want to go food shopping. I don't want to run that errand. I am so tired after work. The last thing I want to do is stop at the pharmacy or stop at the dry cleaner. I just want to go home and fall down into my couch. And sometimes maybe we do that. And other times we say to ourselves, even though I don't want to do it, I know I have to, and we do it anyway. It could be sending the email, starting a task, or just showing up. And what's actually happening here is our brain is trying to avoid discomfort when we're in that resistance stage, because usually it's something that makes you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason. So what do you do when that happens? The goal isn't then to do the whole thing. Now, of course, with my example of going to the pharmacy, you don't you can't really. Maybe it's just opening up and reading the email, sitting down, starting, just starting, whatever it is, and instead of pushing hard through it, just stay a minute longer than you really want to. When you get that feeling, that resistance that you want to be done, that's okay. But you know what? Tell yourself, I'm gonna just do this for one more minute or two more minutes. Don't evaluate how you feel while you're doing it. Of course it doesn't feel good. But here's the thing just because it doesn't feel good does not mean that it's wrong. You're not trying to feel like doing it. You're trying to stop quitting. That is what the difference is. Alright, so moving on to stage two. Doubt. You say to yourself, is this even working? Now I've gotta be honest. This happened to me this morning. I was thinking about all the things in my business that I'm doing. Right now I'm um in a whole marketing situation with pitching people for my speaking business, and there's so much involved, and it's exhausting. And I'm thinking to myself, is this even working? And then I start overthinking, does that ever happen to you? And I think, okay, I I, you know what, this isn't the direction. And for me, I've done this quite a bit, and I recognize this in myself, which is a good thing, because at least I can pause and really reflect on what is going on right now and what am I telling myself. And this is kind of where we start zooming out too far, just because right now I'm at a step in this marketing thing where I have to learn a new piece of software. It's just one more thing that I have to learn that I don't feel like it. And that's where sometimes you start to zoom out. So I don't want to learn this software. This must mean I don't want to be a speaker. Maybe I should just ditch this whole idea of creating this six-figure speaking business because I don't want to learn this software. That's ridiculous. I'm telling that to myself. I zoomed out too far. I have that resistance. I don't want to do this, I don't want to learn this software. No, I've got to focus on my next step. I've got to look for some kind of small evidence that I shouldn't be doubting myself. This is really working. I have been speaking in places. And I'm telling myself this as much as I'm telling you. After this podcast, I think it was last week, that I went upstairs and I cleaned off my nightstand like I told you I was going to do. And now I have to say, it feels so good when I get into bed and there is not all this junk sitting there. Today I'm gonna take one step. I'm gonna listen to that training video for 15 minutes. I can do that for 15 minutes. Doubt is not a signal to stop. It's a signal you're in the process, but you've got to recognize it. Step three. Ugh, another rabbit hole that we've talked about before. Comparison. Everyone else is ahead of me. Look at her. She's doing so much better than I am. She is so far ahead of me. Just this past week, and it's a group lesson thing, it's not just me. We were sitting down to play, and one of the women who started just like I did, she started rattling off these rubles. And I was like, How do you know that? How do you remember that? And my first thought was, oh, see, look at her. She's ahead of me. I might as well just give up. Comparing ourselves to other people makes us forget the life that we're actually trying to build for ourselves. We have to remember we don't know someone else's situation. Maybe she had a lot of time. She did tell me that she watched some videos and good for her. That's how she chose to spend her time. I didn't do that. I could if I want to. That's my choice. And just because she watched the videos and I didn't doesn't mean that I'm not moving fast enough. Stop comparing ourselves to other people. Comparison is the thief of all joy. That there's no truer statement. Okay, stage four. Disengagement. I just don't care. Oh, how many times have we said that? It is so much easier to tell ourselves that because then we're letting ourselves off the hook. I don't care. So I'm just gonna disconnect from this whole idea. Because it's too hard. It feels too hard. It doesn't matter. And if I tell myself that it's something I don't really care about, then it's okay to stop. When this happens to you, don't give in. Again, and I feel like a broken record, do one small thing. You do that one small thing. It can be so small. And it starts the whole ball rolling. Change your environment. Go outside, call a friend. And most importantly, reconnect to the meaning. Why'd you start this in the first place? Why did you decide that you're going to exercise now three days a week? What was the motivation behind that? Kind of plug back into your why. Why did I even start this in the first place? What was it about this activity that I felt would be good for me? Here's the thing: you don't need motivation. You just need that connection. You need that connection that reminds you why you started it in the first place. Stage five is showing up even if you're not getting that big payoff. In other words, you're doing it, but you aren't right away seeing the benefit. There's no excitement, right? It's not like you do something. Let's say I post a video, and if I don't get thousands and thousands of views, see, I'm showing up. There's no excitement. It didn't bring me momentum. All it is is doing it over and over again. And when we're in this stage, we need to keep going. We need to stop analyzing. Oh my goodness, that is me. I go down that rabbit hole. Well, maybe I shouldn't do this, maybe I shouldn't say that. We need to remain consistent because that's how we gain trust in ourselves. If we keep quitting, how can we ever trust that we will ever complete anything? We can't. And so we're creating this loop. And you then when you do something and you quit, it's see, I'm a quitter. No. We need that muscle that you're doing it. You're doing it even when you don't want to. And if you're in any of these stages right now, just a reminder, it does not mean that anything's wrong. I'm sitting there right there with you. It usually means you're in the middle. And when this happens, this is where most people stop. And I remind myself of this all of the time. Most people stop when it gets hard. When you're not seeing any big payoff. Right? It's like it's so easy to tell yourself this is not for me. Don't let that happen. Take small action. Connect back to your why. Remind yourself why you wanted to do this in the first place. And stop expecting perseverance to feel good. It doesn't. It's not supposed to feel exciting. It's supposed to feel like showing up anyway. And that's why I hope that you're gonna join me in persevering through wherever you are in your life. Whether it's something that you're finding difficult, like me currently in my business, or you're learning something new and it's hard, and you feel like you're not making enough progress fast enough, that's okay. You and I are gonna do this because perseverance doesn't feel powerful, it just feels ordinary. And that's why most people miss it. But you and I will not. You've got this. Maybe, just maybe, you can. See you next week.