Ep.171 Embracing The Beginner Within You

In this episode of the Maybe I Can Podcast, I talk about what it really feels like to be a beginner again—and why it’s so much harder than we expect.

Lately, I’ve found myself starting from scratch in a few areas of my life—learning Mahjong and writing a children’s picture book—and it’s brought up something I think we don’t talk about enough:

Being a beginner is uncomfortable.

As adults, we’re used to feeling competent.
 We stick to what we know.
 We avoid situations where we might look inexperienced or unsure.

But growth doesn’t happen there.

In this episode, I share:

• What it actually feels like to start something new
 • Why we resist being beginners (even when we want to grow)
 • The stories we tell ourselves that hold us back
 • Why most people quit too early
 • How to stay with something long enough to see progress

One of the biggest takeaways?

Not knowing what you’re doing isn’t a sign to stop—it’s a sign that you’re growing.

If you’ve been thinking about trying something new, or you’re in that uncomfortable phase where nothing feels easy yet, this episode will help you reframe what’s happening—and keep going.

🎙 Let me know in the comments:
 What’s something new you’ve been wanting to try… but haven’t started yet?

Transcript

Welcome Back And Today’s Theme

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome back to the Maybe I Can Podcast. I'm your host, Debbie Weiss, and thank you so much for joining me today. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it because I know that there are thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of podcasts out there that you could be listening to. So I really appreciate that you chose to listen to this program. So today I'm going to be talking about what it feels like to be a beginner again. Because in so many different areas of my life right now, I'm finding myself in that spot. And it's hard. It's definitely hard. Last week I talked about the fact that I'm learning to play Mahjong. And it's great. I love it. Even though I think I understand a quarter of it. And it reminds me that, you know, I don't know about you, but for such a long time, I don't think that I was learning anything new. Maybe as an adult, once we get to a certain point in our lives, we already have our hobbies set and our career set. We're so structured, and you feel like I am gonna stick with what I'm good at, right? Because what I'm good at is what I've known and what I've been doing for years and years. And it's easier, right? And that's exactly how I was until about a decade ago. And in the last decade, I have discovered that I am capable of learning so much more than I ever would have imagined. And that when I am learning something new, it's kind of like adds this whole new spark and excitement to my life. With the Mahjong, I notice that I want to come home and in the evening, I want to go on and play like these games with Mahjong bots so I can learn more and understand it. And of course, every single time I'm making mistakes and I'm thinking the program must be wrong because I think it's this. Obviously, then I discover it's not. But it's exciting. It's exciting to learn something new. So let's talk about why we don't, right? Because when you start something new, it feels very uncomfortable, right? Especially when we feel that we are experts, authorities in different areas of our lives. And that feels good, right? It feels good to have people come to you and ask questions and that kind of regardless of what comes up, whether it's in your career or a hobby, that you're able to figure it out and you're not really stressed over it because you've been doing this and you're good at it. But when you start something new, you don't know anything. And besides Mahjong, let me just share with you is that over the past, oh, I don't even know how many months now, it's been that I have been writing a children's picture book. I don't know one thing about writing a children's picture book. Not one thing. One, if you've listened to me, even though I've written several books, I am not a writer by trade. If you read my books, you're probably like, if you're an English major, you're saying, look at this run-on sentence, or look at how she's not using the adjective or the adverb correctly. Yeah, that's not me. I just want to communicate with you either through my speaking or my writing. It sounds exactly the same. The other thing is, and this is the imposter syndrome part, that I tell myself is how or what makes me qualified to write a children's picture book. I'm not a teacher, a preschool teacher, or an early education teacher. I'm not a therapist. I am no longer the parent to that age child, it feels like quite some time ago. So I really feel out of touch. I have no idea if I'm good at it. I don't really know the steps that I should be taking. And then once I write it, then what? And this is what it feels like to be a beginner. You feel unsure. Your progress feels really slow. I feel like I get to a spot and I think, okay, that's good. And then I either read it out loud or I read it to a kid, and they think, oh, that's too long, or that's boring. And it's like back to the drawing board. You're questioning yourself, what am I even doing this for? You know, you tell yourself these things like I'll never be able to do this. We're so used to the knowing, the feeling competent. We're used to being good at things. And we're exposing, it's not an inability. We're just new to it, but we often put so much meaning onto that process of being a beginner. Boy, think about when you're a kid, right? You're excited to try new things. I couldn't wait to ride my bike without the training wheels, even though I was so afraid or learning how to jump rope. I couldn't wait to learn those things. And I was excited. I remember, let's just say jacks. I remember when I first learned how to play, I would spend hours by myself throwing that bowl up and picking up the number of jacks. I didn't care. Yes, I would get frustrated, of course. But I was not deterred. I was going to get good at this. And I would practice. And I felt proud of myself along the way. But I think as an adult, everything shifts. Now it's a little bit more about being embarrassed, staying in our comfort zone, not looking stupid, feeling judged. We like learning, but we mind feeling like we don't know what we're doing. So the idea of learning something new could still be appealing. But that feeling that you get, like that I have right now, when it comes to these two things that I'm learning, mahjong and being a children's book writer, I don't like the feeling that I don't know what I'm doing. But you know, I think back, I just got off a live radio show where I was a guest. I didn't have one butterfly. They asked me questions that, you know, some of the questions are different, but I have complete confidence that I know what I'm saying, I know my story, I know the message that I want to get across. Now I can tell you that I think it was, I'm not sure if it was 2020 or 2021. The first time that I was ever on any kind of either podcast, when I'm thinking this was like a live, a Facebook live. And I think that's kind of where like social media lives, you know, were becoming a thing. And I was so scared. It was like I was looking at that date on my calendar with dread, like, how am I gonna do this? And this is gonna be so embarrassing. What are they gonna ask me? I can't believe he's not giving me the questions ahead of time. Where do I look? Am I gonna have that cotton mouth? Am I gonna not know the answers? Oh my goodness, I was so scared. I got all it up in my head because why? It was new to me. I had never done it before, and it was scary. And you know, maybe I flubbed an answer or two, and that's okay. We're new. And I realized afterwards, okay, I did it. And then I was kind of excited to try it again, see how it went the next time, and the next time, and the next time. I don't know how many, I haven't really kept track. I must have now been at this point a guest on at least a hundred different podcasts or live shows. And I like I said, not even a flicker of nerves or anything. Because after doing it a hundred times, I'm confident I know what I'm doing. Now, if you want me to sit down and read my book out loud to a group of kids or scarier yet, to publishers or literary agents, forget it, just thinking about it makes me my mouth become completely dry. I think when we're learning something new, especially as adults, we tell ourselves these stories. So many of the topics that I talk about are really all about the stories that we tell ourselves. Because with everything, every single thing that goes on in our lives, it's that little voice in our head that really affects the outcome. And it affects whether we pursue it, whether we even try it, and how we view ourselves, where we think that we should be. And I think that is one of the stories that we tell ourselves when we're learning something new. Oh, I should be better than this. I should be so much further. This should feel easier. Oh, look at that woman who is just started writing a book. She already is publishing her children's book. How did she get so far ahead of me? I must not be good at this. We can talk ourselves in or out of anything. Why do we think that we should be better at something that we're just starting? That's wrong. We're at the beginning. We mistake being new for being wrong or doing something wrong, and that is so not the case. So as I'm writing my book, there's a line that I'm working on that really stayed with me today as I was reading it out loud and also knowing what I wanted to talk to you about. And obviously it's out of context from the book, but the lines are she wanted to walk over. She just wasn't sure how. And then I thought after I read that today, I thought to myself, that is exactly what it feels like. You want to do something, right? You want to maybe try something new. You're just not sure how to do it. It's you just don't know if you're capable or if you fully know yet. And that's the port of starting something new that's uncomfortable. You may not be writing a children's book. I mean, let's face it, chances are you're not. But I think most of us have an area in our lives where this is showing up. The other day I was pulling out of my McDonald's, getting my first thing in the morning Dia Coke, and I saw a sign in the grass that said, Piano or keyboard lessons for adult beginners. I can't tell you. Year after year, I say, This is what I'm gonna learn this year. Because I took piano lessons in third grade, Mrs. Kazazza, I remember going to her house. She was also our music teacher. She was kind of strict, she scared me. And after about a year, I thought, I don't want to do this anymore, and I quit. And I never really played another musical instrument, I think. I know I started to play clarinet whenever whatever grade you're in. I don't even know if they still do this anymore in school. My kids did. To, you know, when you are allowed to learn a musical instrument. I learned clarinet. I remember having the reeds and all that came with it. And I did that, I think, for about a year. And that was the end of my musical career. But with these things, there's things I'm sure that you've wanted to try. Like me with the piano, with the mahjong, with the children's book, and let me go back to the piano. I said to myself, okay, yes, this is still something that I want to learn how to do. I don't have a piano in my house, but I can easily get a keyboard. I'm just not there yet because I'm already in the process of learning two new things, and right now I'm good with that. But mark my word, and you'll hold me to it. The keyboard, learning to play the keyboard, is next on my list. So maybe there's something you keep thinking about, but you just haven't started, or something you've started, but you're just unsure about it. It doesn't necessarily feel exciting, although I think it feels exciting either way. It just feels unsure. So what do we do when we feel this way? When we feel unsure and we're not sure whether we want to continue, or we're not sure if we're even willing to start getting that uncomfortable feeling or phase of learning something new. Number one, expect to be bad at it at first, but we don't give ourselves permission to be bad at the beginning. Now, you would expect to sit down at that keyboard and expect to play a full song perfectly from beginning to end when you don't even know how to read music, when you've never done this before. Would you expect Of course not. Being bad is part of being new. So expect it. Expect that you're gonna be bad. Adjust your expectations. Number two, separate the fact that you're learning and don't judge yourself. We judge ourselves while we're still learning. It's like trying to learn how to swim while critiquing every movement from the edge of the pool, right? Jump in the water, you're so busy pointing out every single issue, problem, every single thing that you do wrong. This is when you're a beginner, it is not time for judging. It's time for learning. It's not a time to prove yourself. Whether you will think that you have to prove yourself to someone else, which you never do, or prove it to yourself. You're learning. This is not the time to judge yourself. Number three, stay in it longer than is comfortable. This is something that really has been on my mind lately. Most people don't found. They just leave too early. They give up. It's like pulling something out of the oven before it's done and deciding it didn't work. Why I'm using a cooking analogy since I don't cook, I don't know, but that does make sense to me. That would be something that I would do. I would pull it out of the oven ten minutes beforehand and say, you see, I don't know how to cook. Because, again, if you don't know me, one of the things you'll learn very early on, I don't know how to cook. You didn't fail. You just didn't try long enough. You didn't stay with it. We've got to stay with some things. And you know what? Depending on what it is, sure. Some of us have a more natural affinity to some things than others, right? That's what it is about being human. That's what makes us all different. Maybe it's gonna take you a little longer to learn how to play the piano versus play pickleball, right? Maybe you have more of the innate abilities that are required for pickleball than keyboard. That could be. Does that mean that you can't learn how to play the keyboard? Absolutely not. Don't give up to a stone. You've got to stick with it. The next thing we need to do is focus not on the outcome, but just being exposed to it over and over again. It's like me wanting to go on every night and play Mahjong with the computer bots. The more exposure I have, each time that I've played a game online, I've learned something new. I was reading the Mahjong card incorrectly. I forgot that I can't use a Joker for this, or I can't like each time, right? Each time is a learning experience, and each time it becomes something more and more familiar. My youngest son just started his first, you know, big boy job after graduating college last the end of May last year. And at the end of the second day, he came home and he was beside himself. He said, he sent this email to someone with some spreadsheet that he created, and the person wrote back that something was wrong with it. And he was mortified. It was his second day on the job. I said, Ben, you're crazy. Nobody, there is nobody who would expect you to not make a mistake on your second day of a job. I said to him, you know what? I bet you're not gonna make that mistake again. And he said, Nope, I'm sure I won't. I said, what people care about when it comes to work is that you just don't keep repeating the same mistake over and over again, right? That's what they're looking for. They're not looking for perfection. But you know what? When you're learning something new on your own, if you keep repeating the same mistake over and over, that's believe me, eventually you'll learn. Once you become more familiar with it, I think remember what you go to visit a new city, and the first day you're like overwhelmed. There's all these different parts of the city, and there's different transportation methods, and you don't know where you want to go and how to get there. And it's amazing that even just after one day, you feel so much more comfortable. Why? Because you were exposed to it. You tried something, you tried a route, and maybe on that route you noticed, oh, that's the place that I want to go tomorrow. And now you know how to get there because you already saw it today. It's exposing yourself, and the more exposure you have, the more familiarity you'll gain. And lastly, new does not mean wrong. This is literally the shift that changes everything. Unfamiliar doesn't mean that you're misaligned. It just means that you're new at it, that it's unfamiliar. That is all it is. Stop assigning a deeper meaning to it. Let's face it, the real risk isn't that you won't be good at it. The real risk is that you won't stay with it long enough to find out. And I don't know about you. I don't want that. No. Because of all the things that I've tried and learned, and some I failed at, and others that I've stepped out of my comfort zone, and there's been so many things, let's say, just over the past five years, so many of them have led to either new hobbies, new passions, new products, new professions that I never would have known existed. And it is exciting. It's scary, it's uncomfortable, it's all the things, but just the prospect that you're Learning something, especially since we're not in school anymore. Most of us, we're not in school. And we talk about being a lifelong learner. Being a lifelong learner is so important, especially for those of us who might be getting closer to retirement age. And I've seen it with so many people, is that you retire, you stop challenging yourself. And I don't think that you live as long and certainly not as happy a life as if you were learning, if you were getting out of your comfort zone, and start getting comfortable if you possibly can with the discomfort. Give yourself a break. Be a beginner. Start something new. There's got to be something. Think of things even that you wanted to learn as a kid, but you just never did. I challenge you this week, sit down and make a list of 10 things that you would like to learn. And then choose one. And make one step, one small little sprinkle, one small little step towards learning that particular thing. Right now I'm in something where I don't fully know what I'm doing. And I'm not taking it as a sign to stop. And neither should you. I'm choosing to see this is a sign that I'm growing. And so are you. Remember, being a beginner is not a step backward. It's the only way forward into something new. So go out there and get started. Because let me tell you, not maybe you can. I know you can. See you next week.